| "I had an ancestral uncle William who was a notorious outlaw in the Old West.
Uncle William was the real deal.
Story goes: One day he was out to collect a big debt. When approaching the debtor's house uncle William was shot in the back of the head with a deer rifle from a stack of hay in the crow's nest of an adjacent barn.
The man who shot him was rightfully scared to face my uncle considering the amount of money owed, severe delinquency, and large profit return, but was acquitted of capital murder on grounds of self defense in a trial in El Paso in the late 1800's. To this day the feud rages between the two families and there is speculation that the court was bought and paid for by my uncle's loan.
When I found out my ex-wife's boyfriend left her pregnant I mailed that worm a little package detailing the life and times of Crazy Uncle William in a misguided attempt to ply the man into friendship with gifts. I got a response back in the form of a new picture of the ex-wife's ex-boyfriend holding a new hunting rifle above the freshly killed carcass of an African lion.
I had warned my ex-wife years ago about men like that and what he would do to her. Not only was I right, but I even correctly guessed that man would leave my ex-wife with twin girls to raise on her own before he even knew their names.
He did and I am sorry that I was right. I am not joking.
I told my ex-wife that I would raise the children as my own whether she took me back or not. As things went I eventually found out that my ex-wife sued that guy for child support to the tune of $15,380 a month. Turns out he was the spoiled son of an oil tycoon, and that he also knew the staff at the local abortion clinic on a first name basis, and that he had done this to several women. His solution to his irresponsibility and trail of heartache was to pay for abortions. My solution was much more simple, but in his case he was far too long out of the womb for conventional means of fetus abortion to be effective.
While the African Safari picture gave me the impression that this guy had some disposable income, I honestly had no idea he was filthy rich. I admit that at one point I fully intended to bust his open mouth just one time somewhere down the road for what he did, but watching my son grow up as the proud brother of two beautiful twin girls is so much more fulfilling than any selfish waste of time.
After all, I wouldn't be much good to anyone if I were locked away.
—WC, Austin TX
When Will Your Friends Die?
Interesting Facts About Death
- In America, the average life span for males is 72.5 years
- The average for females is 77.1
- On earth, someone dies every 2 seconds or so.
- So far, the only proven way to extend the human life span is by slowing the metabolism with a calorie-restricted diet—consuming less than 1200 calories a day!
- The oldest person on record was 124 when she died!
- The youngest was just 1.2 seconds old.
- Blue whales can live more than 500 years, due to the slowing arctic waters.
- An adult mayfly usually lives less 24 hours.
- All members of the species of mouse commonly used in lab experiments, mus musculus musculus, are genetically identical and to some degree share memories of other mice’s past lives.
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