GeekyStrayCat

Dec 19, 2012

Hey all, I have a genuine question to ask all of you. I'd request that all comments attempt to stay true to subject and be mature, but that may be too much to ask for, but here it goes anyway.

 

I currently live with my ex-fiancee of two years and his family. We've been living together, rather uncomfortably, since we broke up in February. He had been unhappy in the relationship, began seeing another girl on the side and then ended our relationship to pursue one with the other girl. Over the last year we've managed to be courteous to one another, but I wouldn't stretch it far enough to say that we were on friendly terms.

 

Well, this week he broke things off with the other girl and since then has made what seems like an effort to be much friendlier. Where as in the past if he went into the back of the house (which is the only designated smoking area of the house) he would either turn around and leave, or smoke as quickly as he could and leave after an uncomfortable silence. The last few days he's been sitting down to actively start a conversation, the one last night lasting nearly two hours. I even excused myself and he followed me to the front of the house to continue showing me music videos on his phone. He seems less guarded and the cold reservation he'd been showing the past year is falling away.

 

One of my male friends keeps insisting this is a sign that my ex is interested in initiating sex, but I'm unconvinced. None of the behavior is flirty, just more open and wamrer than it had been since he had entered that new relationship.

 

So my question to you all is: Is this normal? My thought was perhaps he was being distant with me out of respect to his new girlfriend, but now that he is single doesn't feel the need to do so. Or has it just been long enough that his discomfort has faded and he's ready to try being friends? If that's the case, why did it only start after he broke up with the other girl?

pseupseudio

Dec 19, 2012

ask him if he wants a blowjob and gauge his reaction. he'll act uncomfortable at first, but you should be able to tell whether this is genuine or feigned.

if it's genuine, apologize, carry on, and enjoy that he's more palatable.

if it's feigned, kick him out.

DiscoJer

Dec 20, 2012

It's simple enough just being friends with a woman, but once you have been romantically involved, it really confuses the issue.

But I would guess it's pretty simple. He found someone better (or so he thought) so dumped you. Then he realized it wasn't better and probably wants you back. At least until someone better comes along.

Then again, he could simply be lonely after getting dumped and realized he's neglected his friends. That can happen when you start dating someone and get infatuated with her. You don't mean to be aloof, but you just don't really realize you are.

So in other words, beats the hell out of me. But if he cheated on you, that likely means he's a douchebag, so I would assume the worst.

Miss-Music

Dec 20, 2012

Why oh why are you living with your ex fiancee? He cheated on you and then treated you like crap? MOVE OUT. Who cares if he's being nice - he's a bad person - get as far away from him as you can!

smashingmayo

Dec 20, 2012

^ arent you the same one who has said before cheating is no big deal?
What9Thousand

Dec 20, 2012

Wait, so is it a good thing or a bad thing if he wants sex?

Miss-Music

Dec 20, 2012

Mayo, if you continue to put your moronic thoughts and words into my mouth, I may have to punch you in the throat.

I have never cheated, will never cheat, and have never condoned cheating. Just because you think it's okay doesn't mean other people like me enjoy a mature monogamous relationship free of lies and deception.

smashingmayo

Dec 20, 2012

Umm. WRONG!!! I'm the one who is the most hoenst of ANYONE in the world and I never cheat, either. So tyou got that kinda backwards. Im pretty sure you said somethign similar to waht I mentioned, though, and now you're threatening violence!
Miss-Music

Dec 20, 2012

Your fucking group home needs to limit your internet access loser...

twohundredtwelve

Dec 20, 2012

OP-Honestly, who cares what his motives are?

If he's trying to get back together with you, he needs to jump through more hoops than just learning how to make small talk after cheating on you.

If he's trying to be friends, then great, whatever. But not worth much head space.

If he's trying to get in your pants because he's lonely after she dumped him; or better yet, he dumped her because he came around to realizing that you were something, he still doesn't deserve it.

I'm sure you have your reasons, but it doesn't sound like it's a healthy fit for you to live there no matter how you cut it.

 

Chaeddd

Dec 20, 2012

If I were living in that house and I was your ex fiance, I would want to bring that relationship back to life. I doubt that I could, but I would try to take advantage of any opportunity to do this.

Remember he is still the same man  who was ****ing that whore while he was engaged to you, so he is wasting his time.

If I were you, I would be dating the prettiest lesbian I could find.

pseupseudio

Dec 20, 2012

that was pretty smooth, think she bought it?

smashingmayo

Dec 20, 2012

M-M is sure being mature....
phyxius

Dec 20, 2012

Sounds like you are plan B

Cat_the_Great

Dec 21, 2012

^ You are Plan B

 

I wish you had another friend you could stay with

user458

Dec 21, 2012

He probably just wants regular sex until he finds someone else again. You're still living with him... why?

GeekyStrayCat

Dec 21, 2012

For everyone wondering why I live with him still: I had moved cross country to be with him and had sold pretty much all I had to afford the trip. For a while I had a job working for a fast food restaurant, but the month before he broke up with me my ex pushed me to leave the job. Unfortunately, when he ended the relationship and I went back to try and get back my position, they had already restaffed. Since then I've been bouncing around small, temporary jobs and can't afford to move anywhere else.

 

The last couple days I've been analyzing his behavior to see if I can get any more clues. I'm honestly not interested in sleeping with him or re-engaging anything, but if that were his intent it would completely contradict everything he said following our break-up, so I'm simply curious. That being said with everyone agreeing that he may have something other than friendship on his mind, I've been carefully examining his behavior. So far nothing has been directly flirtatious or what I recall his flirtations to be like. He has been coming out and spending much more time with me on his own accord, and yesterday during a two+ hour conversation our old sex life did get brought up, but rather briefly. Largely it was him explaining how one of our exploits is famous in his group of friends, even with people I've never met. He also at one point showed off his ability to do some dance stretches, but seeing as he is a long time theatre nerd, I don't see anything suspicious in that.

Thoughts?

pseupseudio

Dec 21, 2012

my advice still stands.

dgbdc

Dec 21, 2012

my advice would be the same as it would be in the case of conflicts with a best friend or parents:

 

 

sex.

Chaeddd

Dec 21, 2012

Tell him you want a D/s relationship with you with him being the slave.

If he really loves you, he will be glad to do this.

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