Do you generally write okcupid users, or do they generally write you first?

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WskyTangoFoxtrot

Oct 23, 2013

If it's a early 20 something female to early 20's male comparison then it sort of works.   The women want higher standards and someone more on their maturity level than the guy their age.  Since he is probably still trying to drink as many beers and hump as many different vagina's as possible each week.  So they start looking towards that wealthy older male. 

penumbrae

Oct 25, 2013

In any case, my point was that, as a young 20-something, women are pickier than men.  And it's true. 

My rejection of your claim had little to do with what gender or age group by appearances is more selective, it was that you were pretending like men have no option in that regard. It might be a bit harder for you to land someone you consider you wouldn't be settling for, but the fact remains that no one is forcing you to sleep around or take whatever happens to come your way. I was merely stating that I respect people more who display a set of standards. There's a difference between a person who waits for a handful of partners they find attractive and can appreciate on other levels, and someone who blows through partners just because they can. Really attractive men and women can slump into this latter category because they have too many options with a small filtering system, so it's not just a matter of average guys having to take average or below average girls. 

Technically if you want to take that chart you posted at face value, at my age men and women should be being equally selective since we're equally desirable. Does this happen in reality? Not really.

Also, in regards to age, younger women aren't the only ones who are looking outside of their immediate age range. I'd say the average age of people who contact me is around 22-23. It could be swayed in that I look younger than I actually am, but many men also want women who have their shit together if they care about more than just getting laid. 

Wyvernel

Jan 29

Replying to the opening question, I'm a woman who occasionally sends messages to guys. They are not too long, but personalized and tend to be a bit on the funny side, with something that I believe to be a good conversation opener for us. Unfortunately I don't really get replies, so it is kind of discouraging. Even the few who replied didn't really seem to be interested (never asked anything or added too much, I had to carry the conversation, etc), so I don't particularly feel motivated.

Funny, but once, as an experiment, I messaged a guy that I thought was out of my league in several respects (yes, yes, I know, there are no leagues, etc, but still). And interestingly he DID reply and we even went on a date. And so far that has been my fanciest date, because for some reason he tried quite hard to impress me, a lot harder than my other dates.

The point is that that date gave back my hope that it can be OK to message men, but without it I would have given up I believe.

Teatagg

Jan 30

Hmm, I have messaged more women than women have messaged me. Likewise I have replied more times to their messages than they have to mine.

In fact, over the last 4 to 5 years, I have not received a single response to any message sent by me. This seems to be par for the OkCupid course. Whether this is due to those particular individuals being inundated by messages to the point mine gets lost in the ocean of others, to my messages being sometimes too left field, witty or obscure, or perhaps upon viewing my profile they become equally perplexed or bemused I do not know.

It's certainly not the result of writing simplistic "Hi..." cookie cutter messages. Something I don't do at all.

Not that I receive many genuine messages from women either. (rather than the one word "Hi" messages from 10% match, otherwise blank profiles, that seem to be on the increase) Can't recall receiving a single one last year and maybe only one or two the year before that. Not a good track record but again, I suspect this is just an inevitable side effect of my advancing years. At this age on most dating sites with age filters, you remain invisible to the vast majority of members.

The demographic itself is the limiting factor on opportunity.

MisterCreep

Feb 17

Men like to chase. Women like to be chased. That's why.

It's nice to get messages. It's quite the ego boost. But girls aren't doing themselves any favour boosting my ego. I'll only want it less.

#theuglytruth

T-money2158

Feb 18

Because it's creepy.  And it's easier to respond, as oppose to initiate. 

Chaeddd

Feb 18

Because it is the custom for the man to make the 1st move.

If a woman does the 1st message, it makes people think "well, why did she make the 1st move". Too often their answer is something about her being a slut or she is so desperate she has to do the man's job.

tv-kenny

Feb 22

Men like to chase.

Because it is the custom for the man to make the 1st move

I wish these dudes wouldn't try to speak for every guy like we are all the same, shit is annoying.

WskyTangoFoxtrot

Feb 22

^ I agree with Kenny on his last post.

I don't mind the chase and like to make the first move in the real world.  Online with this dating platform I just feel a role reversal would be better.  Relatively frequently women tired of the spam, lewd and other pathetic incoming email decide to browse profiles and email me.   Some other online dating requires a mutual like from both parties before messaging is even possible.   This also works much better than here. 

MisterCreep

Feb 23

I wish these dudes wouldn't try to speak for every guy like we are all the same, shit is annoying.

It might be an overgeneralization, but I think most guys like the chase. At least a little bit.

#superlazykidwhobarelyeverchases

tv-kenny

Feb 23

It might be an overgeneralization, but I think most guys like the chase. At least a little bit.

 

Do you have a pie chart for the number of "most guys"?

MisterCreep

Feb 23

Scientific proof!

The different colours represent different ranges of manlimanlimanliness (a scientific unit for measuring a man's willingness to chase). As you can see the opaque and red sections, which represent the highest levels of chasing desire, compose well over half the pie chart.

mollyrosecg

Feb 27

I have sent messages to guys, but it's generally just to compliment something I read, either in their profile or their question explanations. It's usually the latter, and I thought it was funny. Basically, I'm not going initiate contact if I don't have anything to say.

MollyAgain

Feb 28

I think sometimes ppl forget that being online and meeting someone you connect with, or would approach is just as likely to happen as it is irl.

 

BiggestCockEver

Feb 28

If they won't write voluntarily, we must force them to write to us!

Tulefel

Feb 28

My parents chose my name. Then the society I’ve happened to be born into chose my future path in terms of language, tradition, education… (for some of you even religion, ie a set of mind). Someone chose to circumcise you, Jezeez Chrysler! And now they are calling me slut and needy because I decided to choose myself who I’d like to sleep with?

 

You like to chase? Chase!

 

The choice is mine.

 

Chaeddd

Feb 28

^ your parents named you after the devil? or is that "teufel"?

The way we play this game is the beautiful young woman is the prize that the men compete for. If you are a prize you don't need to do anything to attract men's attention.

The object of the game is for the men to get to the prize without being rejected.

If you don't want to play games, then use a computer algorerhytm that will hook up couples based on the 29 degrees of compatibility, this way neither the man nor the woman has to make the 1st move.

Tulefel

Mar 1

Considering the gender, it would have been Teufelin, wouldn’t you say?   :)

 

The way we play this game is the beautiful young woman is the prize…

 

Do you really treat women as an unanimated object or is some kind of a pose? Well… whichever it is, I’m certainly not living my life as if it’s a game on your conditions. Never had, never will.

 

 

sandyvs

Mar 1

^Love and agree with that comment.

"The way we play this game"

Who, exactly is this 'we' you speak of? I certainly don't date men with that mind set.



Chaeddd

Mar 2

Perhaps the word "prize" is used for an object or thing in the Swedish language but I was using a more general definition. In this case the woman is a human being, she is called a prize because men compete for her.

Such a woman just can't hide how marvelous and desirable she she is.

Things get competitive because for every hot chick there are several men. The winners get a hot chick, the guys who were not able to get her are the losers, hopefully they can figure out what is wrong with themselves and fix it.

For you girls, this may not be a game. It is more like a eugenics program.

If she looks good, the men who want to schtup her, offer to have a relationship with her. She hooks up with the best man and breeds. This way her offspring avoid inheriting the inferior genes of the losers, and the next generation of our species has a better chance of survival.

We like to think we are superior to the animals so we may avoid talking about the inconveniant truth I mentioned.

However if you closeley examine a large gathering of men and women you will see the game going on.

The men look over the women and decide if one or more of them is a prize, they then attempt to start a relation ship with the looker which they hope may involve getting into her pants in the future.

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