OctoberTens

Jan 14, 2013

Adjustvolume,

I think your profile is much more good than bad.

Clarity (logical flow/distinguishable ideas): 1/2

Warmth (lack of conclusory summation/lack of airs of pomp, pretense or superiority): 2/2

Humor (any indication of levity/the tone of the humor): 2/2

Originality (lack of cliches/liberty taken with format): 1/2

Couth (lacking patent offensiveness/edited for grammatical errors): 2/2

Total: 8/10

The beginning lacks organization. Grouping similar thoughts together and separating the groups with an empty space would make your profile easier on the eyes. For instance group the things you enjoy doing together in one paragraph and your character traits in another paragraph. Separate the paragraphs with an empty spacing.Moreover, you come across as creative and without pretense. However, the last portion of your summary (beginning at "I'm a very laid back ..." - "not be as sweet.") is a generalization and doesn't speak your creativity and lack of pretense as well as the remainder of the profile. Your remarks about religion, regardless of their truth, is an unneeded chafing point to an otherwise easy-to-like profile.
Pixelshated

Jan 14, 2013

8/10 The sense of humor is strong with this one!

ModestMatt12

Jan 15, 2013

7/10. A little too much profanity, but some great one-liners, especially in the "Spends time wondering about" portion.

FritzGuitarist

Jan 15, 2013

7/10.

gauchertaco

Jan 17, 2013

Cool and interesting profile.

 

I like the most private thing I'm willing to admit section.  Funny bit about the slides.

 

I think the name could use work.  Jack Bauer is a nerdy outdated reference - one that I appreciate because I love the character - but one that I'm not sure women would like.  Then again, OkCupid assigned me my name so I'm not an expert.  Nothing personal, just offering my opinion.

 

There's a lot of good stuff in the profile that I think gets lost in the shuffle.  Maybe you could distill it down to a more brief version?  My gut tells me that women here - on average - just do not spend a lot of time reading long paragraphs in profiles.

 

They are multi-taskers with short attention spans who prefer to scan.  OkCupid is a women's game: huge supply of men and short supply of women.  Gotta stand out quickly.

 

Just my opinion.

FritzGuitarist

Jan 18, 2013

@gauchertaco, thanks for the feedback.After thinking about it,  my user name could use a bit of a update, maybe Chords_Lover since it refers to my guitar playing. I agree with the best bits of it getting lost in the shuffle, so maybe I could concise a few of the sections down to a more scan like version for the women on there. But for the username change, I would have to update to A-List, so I'll look into it. Thanks, man.

HumbleMP

Jan 18, 2013

Well, Jack was just simply responding so he was good to go. Although, I would like to have mine looked at if that's ok. 

MarchofthePawns

Mar 14, 2013

bump because I'm stupid and a masochist

MarchofthePawns

Mar 22, 2013

^ that. It's long as hell, but I need to see how it is. What can I do to make it much worse.

Cillianonymous

Mar 23, 2013

Holy shit, I thought my profile was long.  I got all the way to the bottom, and it actually wasn't that hard.  There is a great deal going on, but most of its fun.  I'd still tighten it.  Needs to loose some weight and heavy handedness.  Otherwise, its hilarious.  Maybe be nicer to yourself.  Most of us have to sell our soul a little to eat and live somewhere other than a cardboard box.  Don't be too hard on yourself about that.  Add some positive sides of you.  I give it three stars, but only because it needs a massive bit of help selling me on the fact that despite your crazy you're able to be happy and won't make the reader miserable when dating you ... cause you easily seem like you can accomplish all those things, but you aren't saying it outright.

MarchofthePawns

Mar 24, 2013

^right now I'm mostly trying to destroy the self summary part. Idk, not in the mood to be light and happy. Thanks for the critique.

The music link and the last link are the light and fluffy things. Noone clicks them obviously

jiroa337

Mar 24, 2013

10/10 edumacate me lol

MarchofthePawns

Mar 24, 2013

ha

add character to your profile.

Start by admitting a minor detail in the private section.

Maybe put what you have done, are doing and want to do in section 2.

Section involving messages should be either open or specific to what you want here. Women may be interested, but that section can turn them off maybe.

Basically add your style of humor to it. It's not a resume or anything that serious. And try not to get too long. Attention spans <0 here.

7Ataraxia

Mar 24, 2013

I like your teeth.

jiroa337

Mar 24, 2013

thanks! and thanks at the teeth comment as well lol

MarchofthePawns

Mar 24, 2013

? ok then

caverunner17

Mar 27, 2013

@March -- dude, that's awesome. Too long, but still I was laughing the entire time. 

Cillianonymous

Mar 27, 2013

Pretty good, 7/10


Here is where you lost three points.  It was too clean, both in tone and in what you were saying to the reader.  There is no rough edges to snag the mind's eye and make the reader think.  I'm not saying this is a bad thing, but from my perspective there isn't enough ... danger?  Excitement?  Am I the one being retarded?  Maybe.

MarchofthePawns

Mar 27, 2013

^^ Thanks. Honestly, I'm trying to parody the standard profile most people write. The summary could be killed by clicking on my French link. The rest is just my old profile that I haven't changed yet, so length is a issue,

MarchofthePawns

Jun 15, 2013

CUZ I HATE MYSELF AND HAVE CAP LOCKS ON!

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