Stevian

Jan 15, 2010

Haha, very well, if you insist. I've traveled a lot growing up, and I ended up in a high school in a town called Columbus. I found myself very much so in the minority. Which was unusual, but not unusual at the same time. (I grew up very young in Japan, so I felt, and still feel, a strong kinship with people of Japanese orient.) But back to the story.


This school, outside of select teachers, had a population base of only Latin children, complete with fluent spanish, and African children. The majority of my experience comes from this school. Apparently, and of course there were SOME exceptions, the mexican children and african children hated each other, to the point they almost fought openly. (as much as schoolchildren can fight, I suppose.)

Now, I don't know about others, but I don't like sitting alone at a lunchtable, so I tried to make friends. That's where most of the negative experiences come from, unfortunately. They've got a lot of derogatory names they like to call people like me based on race, you know, and I didn't exactly have thick skin yet. If I recall correctly, most of them seemed to revere rappers back then and did it "for them."

It's been a while. But, seeing my plight, the mexican kids were very nice to me, and a cute little latina seemed to like me romantically, so naturally I sided with the nice people over the mean people.

And years later, met a girl who became my fiance that was latin. I notice a strange trend amongst Georgians in this thread and liking latin people. But that's simply my experience. I'm still young, sure, but that's my young life experience.

Yes, I am single now, not all stories have happy endings.

Maybe one day i'll see otherwise, but until then, they're meeeeean.

xsurferbabex

Jan 15, 2010

It does have a lot of significance for me, because generally I am only interested and attracted to Caucasians. I can't help it, it's just a preference, and what I'm used to, being brought up in Wales - which doesn't have an awful lot of racial integration.

I do try to respond to everyone though, and if the person was interesting I would respond to them regardless. However, I don't think I would date outside my race. I haven't so far, at least - but maybe that's because there aren't a lot of races other than Caucasian in my area.

My beef is with people who don't speak English trying to talk to me. It's pointless. Whether they're caucasian or not.

And also with middle-eastern men (usually) who try and IM me with graphic sexual references, which feels degrading. It's likely to be because most (but by no means all) women are treated as objects in these countries, so that is how they are used to treating people. But I must say, it would deter me from dating someone who was of middle-eastern origin, purely due to past experiences. It's irrational, as I have some lovely friends who are from the middle-east and they would never behave like that in a million years. It's just the same sort of thing as not liking a name because you don't like someone called that.

I don't see any reason why you wouldn't be messaged. As far as I'm concerned you're very attractive, and that's all a lot of men on here care about anyway!

foolishsucka

Jan 15, 2010

LOL, most of my friends in middle school were black - and a native american thrown in for good measure.  The school was in the inner city and predominantly black though.  I thought you were going to post specific instances where black girls were mean to you!


I agree about the Costa Ricans.  I've had the pleasure of meeting Dane Cook's girlfriend Raquel Houghton who's Costa Rican and she's a knockout.  She's probably the only Costa Rican I've ever met though.

Stevian

Jan 15, 2010

I suppose I mainly grew up en espanol and nihon-jeen. Which isn't bad, everyone grows up different. I could go on about cute latin girls all day. Oh my gosh. Funny, when all is said and done though, most of my relationships have been within my own race, despite nearly sealing the deal interracially.

I've never dated someone BECAUSE of their race. 'Omg, you're latin, we must date.' etc. But patterns do tend to form. I'm still fascinated with the Day of the Dead, and having a girlfriend make tacos for you is divine.

I don't know if I am making any sense. But, that's what I am here for, to deliver bad news and witty one liners.

Specific instances are pretty boring honestly.  I'm a relationship kind of boy, and nubian girls generally only seem interested in trying to lay me for one night only.  That, or they come on too strong, and get rough when they're inevitably denied.  (Theres getting hit on, then theres getting punched in the shoulder because you said no.  Ouch!)

My body has better things to be doing than recovering from a bruise, y'know.

Bengal_Tiger_6

Jan 15, 2010

Whether we admit it or not, physical attraction is an important part of attraction.  I'll admit it.  The ones who deny it the most are usually the ones who care the most.  And unfortunately race is largely physical whereas culture is more social and psychological. 

 

As I state in my profile, I'm open to all races/cultures/backgrounds, etc.  I don't want to use that as a deciding factor consciously, although it probably is subconsciously since I want someone who I am physically attracted too.  I respond to messages from anyone.  If we seem to have compatible interests and personalities, then sure I'll date her.

 

I'm an Asian Indian man and am sure that plays a part in women's attraction to me as well.  And that's partly because western media glorifies certain races of men (white, black) and desexualizes others (Asian).  Exposure to the media and culture of other countries may broaden our perspectives of who is attractive to us.  Even though I was born and raised in this country (US) the only women who are interested in dating me are educated liberals who have spent time living overseas and got exposure to different standards of what sort of men can be attractive and interesting.  Some of them are consciously attracted to specific cultural or physical qualities, others make a mindful effort to be open to everyone.  And that's fine of course, but everyone is entitled to his or her own preferences. 

 

I'm admin of an "I Support Interracial Relationships" group on facebook and this is a common topic of discussion.  What I don't have any tolerance for is anyone of any race or gender who promotes racist/sexist stereotypes against anyone, even their own demographic. 

neo_aeon

Jan 15, 2010

"@neo_aeon i actually do the same thing as you & i think that makes a lot of sense. If I meet a guy and all he is interested in is rap, hiphop & r&b, it's a turn off for me, but likewise if i meet a guy & all he's into is metal."

That's not exactly what I meant. Someone could like only one music genre and it wouldn't effect my opinion of them, but my personal deal-breaker would be a particular genre of music, and mostly because of the subculture behind it. I think you guessed which one I was referring to: rap & hip hop.

While there are several rap/hip hop "scenes" and "styles", the most popular/lucrative form (and NO ONE can deny this) has a major criminal element. Sure, there are "positive" rap genres that don't reflect the element  (political rap and Christian rap) but you don't see them pop up very often. In addition, the majority of rap musicians seem to espouse a mindset of selfish entitlement (rather than personal responsibility) and defiance (rather than lawful civility) as evident in the honor-within-street-gangs "stop snitching" movement.

I'm no "novice" as far as my knowledge of the genre. I grew up in Northern California and remember the different scenes and styles. I recall the "hyphy" movement, "hyphy" translating to getting "hyper", and that means getting high with a concoction of drugs & alcohol (often cognac brandy, sherm stick and crack.) The popular activities associated with "hyphy" are illegal car rallies called sideshows (or "sydeshows") and we can comprehend why MC Hammer went bankrupt so many years ago - the positive messages behind his earlier albums were no longer relevant.

I wouldn't pigeonhole every listener of rap/hip hop as practicing what the genre glamorizes & preaches, but by listening to the music, they are endorsing what it represents, fancy some "element" about it, and are probably in denial about the music's controversies.

Everything said above, when searching for a match, there's no race that I find unattractive. However, rap/hip hop culture (which is NOT a race and doesn't have a race-specific fan-base) is very unattractive to me and would be an instant deal-breaker whether she's attractive to me or not.

elle_fiasca

Jan 15, 2010

@Bengal Tiger You think that black men are portrayed as attractive in the media? In my opinion they are usually portrayed as sexual objects, men who are aggressive sexually, who are good in bed, etc, but not really someone that you would take home to mother (obviously I'm not talking about movies geared towards a black audience). However, although I would like to see black men & women actors stepping outside of these roles, we do get more roles that asian actors & you see a lot more popular movies w/all black casts before an all hispanic cast. I guess you take what you can get?

 

@Stevian As stated on my profile, I am pretty non-confrontational so it'd be unlikely that I'd raise my voice or be mean to you (or anyone). In fact, I've NEVER had a physical altercation. I suspect that I am this way partly because of the way I was raised which would lead me to believe that my parents would not treat anyone this way either, especially my father, who is married to a white woman. Obviously, I realize that these hang ups aren't something that disappear overnight, I'm just saying, in general I try not to stereotype or make assumptions about people. For example, as I stated, my family is from Jackson, MS. I have visited there 4 times & EVERY time I was down south I encountered severe racism. In fact, I was first exposed to it at the age of 8. I could generalize & say that many white people in the south are racist or prejudice, but I prefer to give people the benefit of the doubt. I think that if you are more sensitive or assume a person might behave a certain way they have a funny way of proving you right. You stated that these experiences happened in high school, now I'm not saying that you should approach anyone you're not attracted to or force anything, but perhaps it's time to let go of that assumption. I mean let's face it, kids are mean right? I have a million stories I could tell about being picked on in elementary & middle school, but I tend to think that those were just mean kids rather than that particular race being mean. Anyways, didn't mean to lecture, just my opinion. 

@foolishsucka That was definitiely NOT me, lol. 

I still get the feeling though, overall, that while it seems most people have some preference when it comes to race, that they wouldn't disregard anyone because of it. So perhaps the problem is the messages I've been sending or the content on my profile or simply not finding me attractive. It disheartens me that people have these preconceived notions about black people (violence, aggression, loud, ghetto) , but I guess I can't do anything to change your past experiences & your current attitude, as much as I'd like to.

Stevian

Jan 15, 2010

I don't mind a lecture, I really only spoke my mind to hear what you had to say, and expected backlash, as I may have hinted at my first post.  I received none, and am pleasantly surprised.  I do believe as age passes my experiences in the past will no longer follow me.


But, I am a practical person.  I am only looking to date one person, not a group of people.  If someone of any race earns my trust, then I would give them a shot...and, I hate to be shallow, I tend to trust attractive people far quicker than unattractive people, but that's an entirely different issue.

Maybe that just makes me human.  I wrote another girl in this thread about her experiences, simply because, (recurring trend here) I am interested to see how others cope with adversities we're born with.

It's off topic here, but if you want to talk via inbox about your Mississippi trips I would be genuinely interested.  But that's up to you.

Anyone else attracted to others of different backgrounds and see nothing wrong with it, but when someone of a different background is interested in you, you go "Wait, what?  Someones interested in my type?  How odd."  Am I the only one that does that?  Silly question, but I had to ask.

TherapistGeek

Jan 15, 2010

Eh, for me, race doesn't matter. Okay, I have a slight weakness for Asians, but other than that, I wouldn't refuse a date based on race.

OmegaZero_Alpha

Jan 15, 2010

I would be sort of nervous to date somebody who wasn't white for the reason that I know I would end up looking like an ignorant douchebag, having grown up in a hyper-dominantly white town.

If I remember correctly my high-school had the second highest 'diversity' in the school district and like 98/100 of the students were white.

silent_male

Jan 15, 2010

I tend to go for women who are not very short (not below 5'0" or so - I am 6'2"), speak English well (Indian/Aussie/American accents in addition to standard British English are ok, but no hood type talk "yno watimsayin"), have a fairer complexion than I am (women aren't called the fair sex for nothing), are professionally / educationally driven, have a spiritual side, a certain depth of character, come from a family that is hard working / education oriented, aren't smokers / serious drinkers / drug users, are family minded, are not single moms, not Muslims (or hardcore Christians/Catholics), and do not have any serious personality related issues.

I recently got out of a short but intense (long distance) relationship.

My history is now: 1 Indian and the rest white. That one (painful) experience with an Indian girl (and observations of other Indian girls who were with friends) were enough to put me off Indian women for life (I think). Most Indian girls do not like (actually actively despise) Indian guys in the first place (too many reasons to list or matter).

I have never dated any Asian, AA, middle eastern, or Hispanic women. In my line of work, the workplace is either Indian, Asian, white or even some middle easterner (- and overwhelmingly male, hard sciences / engineering are like this for whatever reasons). Hardly any Hispanic / AAs (we have one Hispanic guy and 2 AA guys in my immediate circle of 200-300 colleagues). I am culturally aware enough to know that there is a certain angry AA woman stereotype. Regarding Hispanic women, though many of them look somewhat similar to Indians from more southern parts of India (I am originally from northwestern India and hence have a slightly fairer complexion than most of my countrymen), there are significant enough religious differences (my religion and serious Catholicism definitely do not mix) to preclude any such possibility. So, is Jennifer Lopez good looking - you bet. Would I date her ? Not a chance.

So are my preferences a little racial (given the personal history) ? Possibly. Are they racist ("I do not care how good she is inside, I will not date her because of her racial affiliation") ? I think not. Are they tinged with considerations of certain expectations of what would work long term and what might not ? Definitely.

pizazznaz

Jan 15, 2010

don't stop...I want more!

sol77tigh

Jan 15, 2010

For me it's about who i connect with, not race.  My last two GF's were asian(filipina) and Hispanic(Peru), and of course i've dated many white women. I find myself more attracted to dark hair and more of a medium, olive skin. Just my preference, but personality is huge.

DarknessMpls

Jan 16, 2010

I don't think I've ever felt the pressures of society in that regard, I mostly chalk it up to living in an area isn't very racially diverse.

Few people have acknowledged this, but to me it makes perfect sense. In fact it's one of the reasons why I have dated outside of my race more often than within it.

One of the dangers about living in an area with a large majority population are that some will assume "cultures" are different based on race. I will argue that races living within the same area can have the same culture. However, that doesn't mean a certain race can't favor activities that are stereotypical.

Not all Blacks like Rap music and eat fried chicken, not all Whites fear Hispanics stealing their jobs, etc etc...

 

graped_JJK

Jan 16, 2010

i think it all comes from the person, personally i prefer asian girls and to be even more specific from my own country. I don't think that is discriminating its just my opinion. and it sucks bc OKC consists mostly of bisexuals, overweight women, and 20 yr old moms. just being plain honest.

OmegaZero_Alpha

Jan 16, 2010

@graped_JJK I am blown away by the single moms on this place. I got through an entire profile the other day and then "You should message me if you don't mind that I am a single mom of six"

22John

Jan 18, 2010

Everyone is different, obviously. For me, race is a consideration yes, as far as it does cross my mind what ethnicity someone I am attracted to might be. However, race alone is not a make or break for me. I think a big part of it for me is my upbringing. I grew up in predominantly hispanic neighborhood, but ended up going to a school that was mainly white.

To the op's mention of liklliness someone will reply  based on race, I've heard that before. I think asian men are pretty far down on the list of people who get replies as well.

So what do we do? I think we should all be comfortable and confident in who we are and what we want. Hopefully in time, you'll find what you're looking for.

 

marclewal

Jan 18, 2010

QUestions already been answered by staff. Matters a shit ton. Move along though, it only takes one person to be happy.

Balthazzaar

Jan 18, 2010

i just saw blog.okcupid.com and the statistics give me the answer.....

morefunthanyou

Jan 18, 2010

What is all of this talk about people being inherently attracted to people that look like them? While I do think it can be a factor, I think it's more of an excuse for narrow-mindedness.

I can honestly say that at one point in time, as a child, I was not attracted to anyone that was not white. It was not until I moved to a more diverse city, in my teens, that I re-evaluated my 'taste' in men.

Even over the past 8 years or so that I've been watching mostly foreign films, I find that there is no ethnicity that I would ever rule out. There are simply too many beautiful men all over the world.

My tastes mature as I do. As a matter of fact, a few months ago that I realized I am keen on men with big beards. That is of course providing that it suits them and that they do some trimming. Before dating someone with a beard, I honestly did not find them to be very attractive. I think I thought that the texture of it against my skin would be off-putting or bothersome. After kissing a man with a beard, I realized that I like the texture and how it feels against my face. So now when I see a man with a beard, I do think of how much I enjoyed the feel of it.

I don't judge based on weight, height or (obviously) ethnicity. I look at the whole package; if it works, it works.

 

 

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