| | BlueEyedGeekery Jan 24 |
| | BrDoubleOklyn Jan 25 Let's say some scientist built a man from scratch that embodied
all the things women say they wanted. |
| | Sushibitch Jan 25 It would be worth posting a couple of sample messages; a lot of guys who say they're posting thoughtful messages are basically overthinking it, and their messages can actually be greatly improved. |
| | BrDoubleOklyn Jan 25 ^^ That rings true ^^ |
| | BlueEyedGeekery Jan 25 Alright, I'll give that a shot. Here's one:
"Hi there, so I'll keep it short for now, but absolutely had to
message you. You seem very cool from what I've read, I think we've
got a lot of common interests. My favorite holiday, for instance is
of course Halloween. It rocks. And you draw! I suck at it, I'm
hardly artistic. Unless you count writing. But drawing, extremely
awesome. What do you tend to enjoy drawing the most?
Another. This one had an ice breaker suggestion on her profile, where she listed two lies and a truth, asking people to figure which was the truth, and then proposing we direct two lies and a truth of our own back at her, which is what I did in the later part of this message: "Okay, so a woman who listens to Queen and the Shins, is into
Star Wars, Zombies and Lord of the Rings, and loves to read? (Did I
forget to mention who is insanely gorgeous as well?) Are you real?
*pokes your shoulder to make sure* The above girl actually responded to that first message, then said she'd read my profile and get back to me. I wrote back, and never heard from her again. And a third "Hello there, This last one was the only one of the three who lives near me, and we have an insanely high match and friend rating, and quite a bit in common in our profiles. I thought for sure she'd respond. I have a feeling I know what I did wrong there though. Was mentioning our different tastes in horror movies, and my lack of knowledge in football (something she specified was an absolute must), a bad move? At the time I thought I was doing the right thing in explaining I loved the game, I'm just not well versed in it, and thought I was being funny with the horror movie comment.
|
| | Sushibitch Jan 25 Keep first messages short; I know it's tempting to try and mention five different things you feel you have in common, but it's better not to; it looks over-eager, and it means that it would take more of an effort to actually respond to all that stuff. Also, you're piling on the compliments; again, I know it seems like that would be a good idea, but it's really not. At best, telling someone how cool she is looks puppy-ish and is hard to respond to (what's she supposed to say; "Yes, I am awesome, thanks for noticing"? "No, really, I'm not cool at all"?), and at worst, it just reminds her of all those times some random guy has paid her a compliment and then felt she owed him something for it. So hold back on compliments. It's also better, I think, to focus not on telling her why you fancy her, but rather on giving her something fun and easy to respond to, to start a conversation. Also, don't explain in a first email (or at all, really) how dating sites work. She's on a dating site, so she already knows that she can check out your profile and reply to you; there's really no need to point that out. As a general rule, avoiding the obvious is best; if you've sent her a message, she already knows that you looked at her profile, you were interested in her, you'd like a reply. Overall; stick to one thing to talk about in a first message; keep it positive and fun and light. Don't do the "You like this thing that I'm not really into" thing; it doesn't really serve any purpose. Instead, ask about it, but keep questions focused more on opinions than facts; pretty much everyone likes airing their opinions on stuff they're into, so that's quite a low-effort response to give. One overall tip that might help; it looks as though you're hoping that your first message will result in a close and complex bond between the two of you. Don't try for that, it's over-ambitious. The purpose of your first message is just to start a conversation, that's all. Bonds and relationships and intimacy and whatever happen later, through conversation. So all you need from that first message is a one-line reply, which means keeping it short, simple, and low-investment is your best bet. |
| | BlueEyedGeekery Jan 25 Thank you so so much. That's awesome advice. |
| | xJealousOrchard Jan 25 Oh god please quit it with the roleplay asterisks |
| | BrDoubleOklyn Jan 25 ^^ miserable troll ^^ |
| | BrDoubleOklyn Jan 25 Are women picking great partners for themselves in
general? Take a look around. Take a look at divorce rates, who is
initiating them and why. |
| | BrDoubleOklyn Jan 25 By the way...almost in a scene from 90210?! That woulda been awesome, used to love that show. You know who the mega hottie for the girls was on that show? Dylan!!!! Dylan was the most deranged and scum baggy guy on the show. If I remember correctly every girl on that show dated him at some point. I think David was the least mega hottie for the girls, but he was the sweetest dude. I think as he got older in the show he started scum baggin' a bit more and finally got some relationships. |
| | xJealousOrchard Jan 26 Someone doesn't know what the word "troll" means
Well, OP, at least ^ likes you, you guys can run away together or something |
| | CampAnawanna_ Jan 26 I glanced at OP's profile, way too long.
Keep in mind that many OkC users are using the mobile app. Which means, they are less likely to read through a whole profile. |
| | user458 Jan 26 No, seriously... stop with the asterisk shit. |
| | What9Thousand Jan 26 Agree: That asterisk shit is one of the worst things you can possibly do in a message. Also, agree: Stop giving people undeserved compliments. You're not genuinely impressed by someone just being themselves, so stop acting like you are. |
| | MrsIselin Jan 26
Maybe because he was retarded? |
| | BrDoubleOklyn Jan 26 She was smart in comparison, right? ^ |
| | heather2244 Jan 26
"I think David was the least mega hottie for the girls, but he was the sweetest dude." He may not have been first pick in that show but he did marry Megan Fox.
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| | BrDoubleOklyn Jan 26 Mhm, true story ^ |
| | Rodney69 Jan 27 People suck. Women are people. Act accordingly. In other words, don't write a novel in a first message. Even if you have a 95% match rating, there is still a 95% chance she won't respond. |
It's somewhat reassuring I seem to not be the only one who's having this issue. I actually take my presence here on OKC very seriously, I THINK I've got a pretty decent profile. I certainly spent a lot of time on it. I always strive to write thoughtful messages when contacting someone new. Is there something about my profile that's likely repelling them away? I'd love any feedback that could help me improve, thanks!