CampAnawanna_

Mar 17, 2013

http://www.alternet.org/why-online-dating-sucks-men?paging=off

 

I tell all my single guy friends to watch out for online dating. It is a sad, soul-crushing place where good guys go to die a slow death by way of ignored messages and empty inboxes  

 

 

On why (the writer) she doesn't write to men first:

 

Why would I put myself through the rollercoaster of the drafting, the editing, the sending, the waiting, the hoping, the checking, and the sighing in disappointment when the fact of my gender (and let’s be real; that’s really all it is) means the attention comes to me? This is not how I want this work, but I condone it with my inaction.  

 

From the comments:

 

This article seems to forget the other side of this story. Us ladies who also meet the man who forgot to mention his picture was from 4 years and 40 lbs ago. Or the "nice guy" who is 3 years older than her enjoys her company, dates for awhile....until he finds a 20 something who is willing to date him (yup, happened to me and many gfs). Of course he is back on in a few months after she gets her fill of free dinners and other spoils...

It would have been nice to see an article simply encouraging women to take the first step, not a bowl full of "poor nice guys" rhetoric.  

 

 

where I originally found this:

 

http://www.reddit.com/r/OkCupid/comments/1ah5b8/alternet_article_mentioning_okcupid_why_online/

DrGeniusWiener

Mar 17, 2013

Oh that online dating..

OctoberTens

Mar 17, 2013

Thanks for the link.

Can it be put to any use?

It really isn't new information. It's confirmation of similar articles and natural suspicions.

 

 

thefine

Mar 17, 2013

I guess OKC men just sign in and out on daily basis because they got nothing else to do.

CampAnawanna_

Mar 17, 2013

Oh yeah, it's nothing new, but I do like to read the comments and discussions and things when these kind of articles pop up.

MrsIselin

Mar 17, 2013

I tell all my single guy friends to watch out for online dating. It is a sad, soul-crushing place where good guys go to die a slow death by way of ignored messages and empty inboxes  

Meh. "Good guy" (and let's hope she doesn't mean "Nice Guy") isn't the same as "guy who is good at online dating." 

They're probably guilty of lolearnestness. 

Sushibitch

Mar 17, 2013

These articles always seem to miss a few salient points;

  • for every straight woman who manages to find a date or a partner on a dating site, there is, necessarily, a straight man who manages the same thing
  • if most of the messages women get are crappy, the good ones don't even have to be particularly good in order to stand out
  • lolearnestness

 

DrGeniusWiener

Mar 17, 2013

Well I'm glad we cleared that up.

Camuscando

Mar 17, 2013

Well, there is one thing to take away from the article that isn't often addressed. From personal experience on here, most of the awesome people I've met were because I took the initiative to message first. Maybe they weren't ever going to message me, but because I took the shot at the 1/30 response rate and succeeded those times in getting a conversation going in a lead-up to a real date, I eventually got the outcome I wanted. On the infrequent occasion that a woman has messaged me first and it led to a real encounter, she was able to direct the outcome from the get-go, too. If you're only waiting for the messages to come to you, you're working from a narrower pool than if you were to also send some out to those who interest you. 

tyrebiter

Mar 17, 2013

If you want online dating to work for you, you have to do the work.

The people who sign up for these sites are other people who can't get a date. It is unlikely you will find someone who is even halfway acceptable during the 1st week after you sign up.

You have to keep at it until you can find someone you like who has a collection of defects you can accept.

user458

Mar 18, 2013

I met my current girlfriend here, and the 3 before her. 

ExtremeDating

Mar 18, 2013

MY WANNABE-MEME IS SPREADING :D :D :D

Fight the lolearnest!

rip59

Mar 18, 2013

This nice guy stuff is BS.  Guys endlessly messaging; getting shot down.  Very depressing.  So depressing in fact , that I decided never to send an initial message.  Unless you're a member of chubby chasers  , you're going to have to be patient.  I was.  I met a wonderful lady and we have been dating for a year.  Her theory was to hide her profile and just message men she was interested in.  Mine was to just sit and wait for someone nice to appear in the mail.  We met.  It worked.  Stress free.  BS free.  

On my way to meeting Lori , there were many diversions from  just out and out scammers to the morbidly obese hiding behind a fake profile ;  almost like a part time job.  Once it's all done, I met a really cool person and I have to say that separating the wheat from the chafe was well worth my time.

Ah, guys do also need to keep the mathematics of this intact.  Look at the demographics;  in some metro areas , I'll bet the odds of this get down to 12:1 ; women to men.  Don't get too let down. 

felinefantasy

Mar 18, 2013

I met my current girlfriend here, and the 3 before her.

You really do commit don't you.What a catch.

This nice guy stuff is BS

No it's not. And how the fuck would you know?

Camuscando

Mar 18, 2013

 in some metro areas , I'll bet the odds of this get down to 12:1 ; women to men. 

 

Oh yeah, it's way different in person, too. Though most of the year I'm at school in rural VA, I came back up to DC for my spring break and was attending a BBQ/picnic where there were many friendly, social women. I had no idea that one of my good friends was setting me up by asking me to bring my dog, but apparently Diego is an awesome wingman/icebreaker. I wonder if it's true what they say about the growing lack of men at the same level of education (graduate degrees to be specific) as single women in metro areas? The thing about a city like DC is that one of first ways to count someone in or out is to ask them what they do, and you'll hear everything from lobbyist to lawyer to non-profit activist within a crowd of fewer than 10 people. 

rip59

Mar 18, 2013

Yes maam , this nice guy stuff is BS.  Wanna friend ?  Get a dog.  

MsOtis

Mar 18, 2013

If you're only waiting for the messages to come to you, you're working from a narrower pool than if you were to also send some out to those who interest you.

I like Camuscando's attitude.

Also, I think it fits in nicely with ED's rules of messaging, to be confident and not lolearnest.

smashingmayo

Mar 18, 2013

I don't need to read to know why it sucks for men. Women are already ridiculously picky to begin with and then online they get even more picky and also they are easily fooled by the users and hilariously date the worst ones.
OhnoezItsthatguy

Mar 18, 2013

Wow, I can almost smell the jaded bitterness.  Wait...that's just me.

I liked the article.  It was honest.  She regretfully admits to being and entitled asshole. I realized years ago that women won't respond, because they really don't have to.  I have seen countless women's profiles with no essays at all, just a few pics.  I'll wager a snickerdoodle that those profiles get just as many messages from men as their counterparts with essays.  Everyone knows that most guys don't read the essays until the profile has passed the "Pics Test".

It's confirmation of similar articles and natural suspicions.

Or is it? ...

I guess OKC men just sign in and out on daily basis because they got nothing else to do.

That and to stare longingly at the hot chics who never respond to messages. (as long as we're being honest.)

You have to keep at it until you can find someone you like who has a collection of defects you can accept.

Which is all a "relationship" is, right?

This nice guy stuff is BS.  Guys endlessly messaging; getting shot down.

Use the filter bro. 

Don't get too let down.

Uhh...thanks, Coach.

smashingmayo

Mar 18, 2013

lmao. so truth is "bitterness" now. Love it. If anyone is bitter, it's chyenne. So, I guess he would say if someone says "the high temp today was 20" then they are "bitter" for stating a fact.

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