MaziT

Jan 31, 2013

I make it a habit of hiding every user I message. Now apparently I have hidden a particular user but they still see exactly when I view their profile on their visitor's page even though I don't see them on my visitor's page. What gives? This isn't supposed to happen. Hiding was described to go BOTH WAYS but it's only ONE WAY for me.

Anybody have the same issue?

sfguyyy

Jan 31, 2013

Anyone can view a profile here if they go directly to the profile URL, with one exception: people identifying as gay/bisexual can prevent their profile from being viewed by people listed as straight. (basically to mitigate harassment)

As for "hiding everyone you message" - I don't know how big your "hide list" is but I think there is a limit to the size of that. I don't know what that limit is. Things might not work as expected if the list becomes gigantic.

You also cannot prevent a person from seeing your profile visits unless you set your profile to "browser anonymously". Hiding is designed for your convenience, not to take away the ability of others to know if you're sniffing around their profile.

 

MaziT

Jan 31, 2013

My hide list probably has many many hundreds of people over the many months I've been on Okcupid. Here is the description of what "hiding" users does:

Hiding Users

If you don’t want a particular person appearing in your Match Search, Quickmatch, Welcome and sidebar matches, or in your Visitors list, you can hide them. Hiding is reciprocal, and will also stop you from appearing in all of the same areas for the person you hid. 

So according to that description, hiding SHOULD take away the ability of others to know if I've visited their profile and likewise I shouldn't know if they've viewed my profile as well. But it's not acting that way obviously. Perhaps it's because my hide list is too large?

DiscoJer

Jan 31, 2013

Why are you constantly visiting a hidden person's profile, anyway? And how do you know they see your profile? (Why do people feel the need to play just childish games on this site, FFS)

 

ok_stoopidcupid

Jan 31, 2013

with one exception: people identifying as gay/bisexual can prevent their profile from being viewed by people listed as straight.

 

I just list myself as bisexual to circumvent this block, though I clearly state that I am not at the top of my profile.  I'm just here for the forums these days, and hate it when I can't view a poster's profile if I want to.

Sushibitch

Feb 1, 2013

So according to that description, hiding SHOULD take away the ability of others to know if I've visited their profile and likewise I shouldn't know if they've viewed my profile as well.

You can switch to anonymous browsing; that will solve the problem.

But yeah, seriously, it's kind of juvenile to want to creep around hitting up people's profiles without them knowing. If you're interested in someone, drop them a line. If they're not interested back, move on.

MaziT

Feb 1, 2013

I hide users for two reasons: 1) I have no interest in contacting them. 2) I have already messaged them and don't want to see them in my search results anymore.

There have been numerous occasions where I have a very long message chain going back and forth with a user who has written a ton of information about themselves in their profile and I will likely choose to visit their profile more than one time over the course of the days/weeks we are messaging each other.

Regardless of what my reasons are, the issue still remains -- as I have already stated -- that the official description of what hiding does is incorrect. It may hide users from your visitor's page, but it won't hide you from theirs. Clearly anonymous browsing is really the only option to ensure nobody shows up on your visitor's page and you don't show up on theirs. 

How do I know this? I have a few friends on this website and although I have hidden them, they know exactly when I have viewed their profile. I placed a few tests with them where I unhid them and had them hide me instead and now the reverse happened: I could see exactly when they viewed my profile but they couldn't see when I viewed theirs.

So again, my point is that hiding doesn't do what it says it does. I have already submitted feedback to Okcupid about this so they may rewrite the description for the hide feature.

Sushibitch

Feb 1, 2013

There have been numerous occasions where I have a very long message chain going back and forth with a user who has written a ton of information about themselves in their profile and I will likely choose to visit their profile more than one time over the course of the days/weeks we are messaging each other.

So why does it matter that they can see that you've visited their profile?

MaziT

Feb 1, 2013

So why does it matter that they can see that you've visited their profile?

It's simply a personal preference for me to remain anonymous. When I hide someone I expect (as the description of hiding users states) and intend to grant others the freedom of viewing my profile freely and as many times as they would want, without fear of potentially being judged by me, and me being judged by them. Unfortunately, as I keep saying, hiding someone simply puts you at a disadvantage by not knowing when someone viewed you, but still allowing them to know when you viewed them. That's all.

And like I said, anonymous browsing is probably the only option for me at this point.


Sushibitch

Feb 1, 2013

It's simply a personal preference for me to remain anonymous.

But you just said you're having long email exchanges with these people, so you're not remaining anonymous at all.

MaziT

Feb 1, 2013

But you just said you're having long email exchanges with these people, so you're not remaining anonymous at all.

I think you misunderstand. Obviously, after messaging back and forth you're not anonymous anymore, that much is apparent. But read closely what I said right after that: 

When I hide someone I expect (as the description of hiding users states) and intend to grant others the freedom of viewing my profile freely and as many times as they would want, without fear of potentially being judged by me, and me being judged by them.

Does that make sense? Basically what I'm saying is I want anonymity of profile views, not anonymity of my identity. 


 

 

 

 

 

 

Sushibitch

Feb 1, 2013

^ It only _kind_ of makes sense, and to be honest, it sounds a little creepy. I mean, if you put it into basic terms, what you mean is that you want to be able to look at someone without them knowing you're looking at them, right? And that at the same time, you want to be able to see who's looking at you (or you'd already be using anonymous browsing)? Well, what are the _non_-creepy reasons for wanting that?

Once you start saying "I want to be able to do X without being judged for doing X", you're kind of getting into asking to be immune from the consequences of your own actions, which is a little troubling. If you think someone is going to find it uncomfortable to see that you're viewing their profile multiple times, maybe that's a clue that you shouldn't be hitting their profile quite so much?

MaziT

Feb 1, 2013

what you mean is that you want to be able to look at someone without them knowing you're looking at them, right? 

No, that's not right.

Let me try to explain this again from the top. Here is the official description for what the 'hide user' feature is supposed to do:

 

Hiding Users

If you don’t want a particular person appearing in your Match Search, Quickmatch, Welcome and sidebar matches, or in your Visitors list, you can hide them. Hiding is reciprocal, and will also stop you from appearing in all of the same areas for the person you hid. Read more about hiding OkCupid members on the Matches help page.

 

And here is what it says on the Matches help page:

 

Hiding Matches

If you keep seeing a profile you don’t want to see anymore, you can hide it. That member will no longer appear in your sidebar matches, Welcome matches, Match Search results, your Visitors list, or anywhere else on the site. Hiding profiles works both ways, meaning that hiding a user will also hide your profile from them; see the Privacy help page for more about this.

 

Now as you can clearly read, it says "hiding is reciprocal, and will also stop you from appearing in all of the same areas for the person you hid" those areas being match search, quickmatch, welcome and side bar matches, and visitor's list.

The whole point of this thread from the get-go was to say "hey, what Okcupid says is wrong because when I hide someone, they disappear from all my lists (including visitor's page) but it DOESN'T remove me from THEIR visitor's page contrary to what it says and is supposed to do."

What does this mean? It means when I hid users I expected them to be able to view my profile as many times as they'd want without me knowing about it and me viewing their profile as many times as I'd want without them knowing about it. Clearly that is not the case. So where are you getting the notion of "what you mean is that you want to be able to look at someone without them knowing you're looking at them, right? And that at the same time, you want to be able to see who's looking at you (or you'd already be using anonymous browsing)?"? 

The reason I didn't use anonymous browsing from the start is because it's useful to know when somebody new visit's your profile and for others to know you visited their profile as well. I've had numerous conversations start simply because someone saw that I viewed their profile without messaging them, but they messaged me instead. I don't care if somebody new see's that I visited their profile because chances are I won't be viewing it more than once or twice. What usually happens is I will either hide them because I feel they aren't a match for me (which explains why I probably have hundreds upon hundreds of hidden users) or I consider sending them a message, which leads me to this:

My beef (as I have stated at least once already but apparently is not being understood very clearly) is that when I get into a long message chain with an individual, I tend to repeatedly view their profile to read the things they wrote (especially if they write a lot about themselves and especially if they are new and tend to update it frequently) and I would rather do that without them knowing (nor without ME knowing if they viewed my profile too) because many people may automatically think "oh, he's viewing my profile a lot. Probably for the pictures. He MUST be a creeper" without even realizing if I was a true hardcore creeper I could easily just download all their photos and there would never be any record of me viewing their profile repeatedly because I got what most creepers are typically looking for, which are pictures.

Is this making any more sense now?

Sushibitch

Feb 1, 2013

^ It makes exactly as much sense as it did before, and it still strikes me as kind of creepy, because it boils down to you wanting to be able to look at someone's profile to a degree you think would make them uncomfortable, without them knowing that you're doing so.

MaziT

Feb 1, 2013

Well at this point it's safe to say this topic has become totally derailed. But to entertain your thought, how do you feel that is creepy exactly? Do elaborate.

Sushibitch

Feb 1, 2013

^ because it boils down to you wanting to be able to $verb to a degree you think would make them uncomfortable, without them knowing that you're doing so.

You can put pretty much any verb in there, and it's going to be kind of creepy, because essentially you're trying to bypass someone else's boundaries without their knowledge or permission. Take an extreme example; imagine someone said to you "I really want to be able to peer in through my neighbour's windows, but I don't want her to know that I'm doing it"; creepy, right? I mean, you're probably going to glance through your neighbour's window now and then in passing, because it's right in your line of sight, and no-one can really object to that, but there comes a point where your neighbour is going to start feeling uncomfortable about the amount of time you spend looking in to their house, right? But the solution is not to be more secretive about peering through their window, because that's creepy. Yes?

So, looking at someone's profile is much less intrusive than peering through someone's windows, for sure, but basically, when you find yourself needing to be secretive about your behaviour towards another person because you think they might object if they knew about it, you're probably crossing a line.

 

MaziT

Feb 1, 2013

With that said, so in your opinion do you think the "anonymous browsing" feature is creepy?

Sushibitch

Feb 1, 2013

^ I think it's less creepy because it's not targeted; there are dating sites, after all, where there is no way of tracking who has visited your profile at all, and that isn't creepy. And if you just have a blanket policy of not keeping track, then I guess that's fair enough. To me, the bit where it gets creepy is where you're specifically trying to hide your behaviour towards one particular person from that person, specifically because you believe that if you don't hide it, your behaviour towards them will make them uncomfortable.

So using anonymous browsing all the time, not creepy; turning it on every time you visit one particular person's profile so that they don't know you're visiting them, creepy.

Conrad_Nomikos

Feb 1, 2013

And stalker-ish...

MaziT

Feb 1, 2013

I see your viewpoint; however, I classify a particular action as creepy only if the person who is experiencing said action would find it creepy.

In any case, it's all relative. What one person finds to be creepy another person may not find to be creepy at all (for countless reasons).

Person X may do something to person Y which person Y would find creepy yet person Z can come along 5 minutes, 5 months, or 5 years later and do the exact same thing to Person Y but this time person Y doesn't find it creepy at all.

 

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