theellocin

Feb 1, 2013

hello :) 

i have dated guys all my life so far and i really want to date girls as well but im shy and hesitant on how to start this...i LOVE kissing girls, they have soft mouths and are more my style...ive kissed all my close girl friends and it was fun but i want to feel the passion instead of just playful...i love girls breasts, all shapes and sizes, i playfully grab my girl friends when i can but i want to be with someone and get down seriously...i enjoy mens parts as well and love showing off for them with another girl but its not the same as one on one, you know? i have never gone down on a girl and im so worried ill do something wrong so this is one of the main reasons im scared to get involved with a female...i dont want anyone to explain what to do sexually, thats not why im writing all of this...what i want to know is how do i get started in dating girls? do i make separate profiles? do i say i like guys? will this offend girls? these might seem like stupid questions but i just want to go in to this prepared...so any advice is appreciated :) 


thanks,
nicolle 

crashcrossroads

Feb 2, 2013

I kissed a girl! And I liked it..

Seriously though, OP is 33 years old? Trollbait. 

What9Thousand

Feb 2, 2013

do i make separate profiles?

No.

do i say i like guys?

Yes, assuming you do like guys.

will this offend girls?

Most of the time no, and if it does, do you really want to start a relationship based on a lie?

how do i get started in dating girls?

Set your profile to bisexual and send messages to bi and gay girls.

takawiri_4

Feb 2, 2013

What he said.

I think each person you date is their own event, and you work all that shit out with the individual person--it's not like the fifth boy you date is exactly like the third, so it shouldn't matter horribly much that the next girl you date is the first.  In that sense, being intimate with a girl is no different than being intimate with a boy.  It's not about "doing something wrong"--it's about communication with that person, about what she likes. I'd imagine for you that'll mean being honest with the girl(s) you date, saying, "I haven't done this before."

Rumor has it that some folks find that a turn-on, so I reckon you'll be all right :) .

theellocin

Feb 2, 2013

takawiri_4 thanks for commenting this is exactly what i wanted to hear, just confirming what i was thinking, honestly my gay guy friends tell me lesbians are mean and wont let you in if you have a past with men, so yeah im cautious, and maybe my gay guy friends are a bit stupid haha...

What9Thousand i didnt see an option for meeting girls on my profile 'who id like to meet' but just changed my status to bisexual and BAM more options appeared, thanks...was hesitant to change to bisexual since i havent been witha  girl sexually, just major crushes, and feel like a truth bender, but ill just explain myself on my profile...

crashcrossroads not trying to troll, just a late bloomer and shy person asking seemingly easy to answer questions...thanks for playing 

 

Informavore

Feb 2, 2013

Some lesbians are batshit crazy misandrists who see it as a political point.  They're doing you a favor by excluding you.  See again the "batshit crazy" part.  The majority of bi/gay girls aren't as noisy, but they're much saner.

The big uphill battle you're going to face is that many girls are skittish that you're just going to use them as an experiment or as something to fuck around with until a "real" relationship shows up.  You can get around this by either being openly casual (there are always girls in relationships looking for a side project), or by putting in the time and getting to know them.  That way they'll know you as a person, rather than just another date to be wary of.

Really, though, the thing to keep in mind is that dating girls is different from dating boys.  You can expect a boy to be proactive.  With girls, you have to be more proactive.  (Go to a gay bar, go to a lesbian bar, you'll see the differences pretty easily.)  You'll have to learn how to put yourself out there without being overbearing.

After that, it's all about taking rejection in stride.  The only way to avoid rejection is to avoid taking risks.  While you can certainly do that (see "you can expect a boy to be proactive"), you don't get to complain when you're not putting forth any effort yourself.

Pilank

Feb 2, 2013

I would think that by the age of 33, if  you were really bisexual, you would have an experiance dating a lesbian by now. If you were not able to get your first girl when you were younger why expect that you can get one now?

This is not something you can learn from a book, this is something you have to learn by interacting with girls when you were in school.

Maybe you should cheat on your taxes or something where you will wind up in a minimum security prison for women, you will be a lesbian when they release you.

CorsetedDoll

Feb 2, 2013

Don't listen to Pilank she's just mean/weird...I know plenty of older lesbians who didn't know they were lesbian for a long time...for example one got married had 2 kids and then figured it out...so each person is different.

As to the other questions you may have I have had problems with lesbians telling me they wouldn't date a Bi girl because of XY & Z, but there were some (the cool ones) who didn't care. Dating a girl will be very different from a dating a man. Like Informavore said you will have to put yourself out there, don't wait for girls to come up to you because they often aren't as aggressive as men are. You especially need to make it known that you are interested in women when you are out because you are more feminine in looks, though your alternative style will help some (I get mistaken for straight all the time, it's rather annoying).

As to the sex part...don't worry, think of what you like to have done to you and go with that first...as long as it's not a super fetishy thing that you like (or they aren't a fetishist) you can usually count on that to work...you can work on technique as time goes by. Or as you get closer to your female date just straight up ask her what she likes or if she has any fantasies (the fantasies one is always good because then you can do something they've always wanted ^_~)

In any case just go out to your local gay/lesbian clubs or bars and meet new people...go on some dates and just tell them the truth...I wouldn't use the term Bi Curious though to describe what you are...maybe something like "I've been interested in women for awhile but haven't acted on it until now" that gets the point across without sounding like you are going to play with them until a man you like happens (not that you would but that's what a lot of people think when they hear "Bi Curious"). Changing your profile to Bi will help a great deal but you will also more likely get messages from couples looking for a 3rd just so you know.

Well hope that helps, happy hunting, and if you have anything else you need help with feel free to post or message me privately.

 

theellocin

Feb 2, 2013

Informavore great advice! see thats the turn off for me, guys are aggressive...i just want to be friends and see what happens, test chemistry, have a first kiss where sex isnt assumed, and enjoy each others company...this is why i want to date girls because i feel like they go at this pace...i honestly want connection more than an experiment...im just kind of shy in general so i dont know about going to bars, i dont do that really but i will try, and ill see what cupid has to offer...so far a few girls have written so thats nice :) 

Pilank i have always experimented with girls, i said this plainly in my original post, ive always been attracted to them since i was a child...i just didnt act on it because i didnt understand those feelings...now at my age i am experiencing amazing sexual confidence and i want to explore a part of myself ive been holding back on...i just didnt know if there were any differences, in approach or in method when dating girls...

CorsetedDoll thank you for the reply :) i think ppl with judgements are not my type so im not so worried about trying to impress them haha...if i do get the courage to go to a lesbian bar i will have no problem flirting with girls, smiling or complimenting, as i do this with my friends already...i will not use any term like you said, ill just say im attracted to girls but have been holding back and would really like to spend time with them, or something like that, whatever i say will be real and from the heart...as i said im looking for connection not experimentation...and i have no interest in 3somes as ive done that before, unfortunately it was with men and straight women who had no desire to interact with me, it was all about the guy...after each time i felt unsatisfied because the girl was who i was more interested in...

this is an exciting area of sexuality to uncover and thank you all for the advice :) 

sfguyyy

Feb 3, 2013

 

Don't listen to Pilank she's just mean/weird...

 

Not to mention a major right-wing homophobe sock who comes to this forum section with the sole intention of trolling.

 

 

theellocin

Feb 3, 2013

sfguyyy awesome hahaha

CorsetedDoll

Feb 3, 2013

^^ Exactly...

theellocin: That's great that you are so confidant...I am horribly shy when it comes to anyone I find attractive especially in public. But ya I just thought I'd mention the 3rd thing because it happens...I've done that before as well and unless you start out dating each other at the same time it usually doesn't work out well...or like you said it's only for the man's benefit. I've had instances where the girl was for me but she ended up liking my boyfriend more (this happened at least twice) but since I don't date men anymore hopefully that won't happen.

Go to a bar/club if you can, you can just go with all your girl friends so maybe you will feel more at ease? Though those places might not be the best for finding a relationship it's at least maybe some good exposure and practice. Maybe of there are other daytime events in your local gay district try going to those to meet people. I know here in Sac we have Second Saturday which is where all the art galleries in the area are open starting in the late afternoon early evening and there are many in the gay district. Especially in the summer all the bars, clubs, restaurants, and galleries keep their doors open and there are a bunch of people walking around. So keep an eye out for local events and just see what happens. If you are ever in the valley I'll take you to some haunts of mine if you want ^_^.

 

 

theellocin

Feb 3, 2013

CorsetedDoll thanks for the offer to show me around that would be lovely :) well i dont go to any bars really and if i do its usually with my gay guy friends at gay guy bars so i will have to request we go to some lady bars as well! gay mens bars are hilarious, its like the most gorgeous meat market ever, im so glad im not a guy that would be intimidating...but the gay men are so fun :) i cant wait to go to my first lady bar...two of my cousins are lesbians so when i go home to visit i will ask them to take me out they have a huge crew they run with...otherwise im just going to toe the waters online :) 

yeah the 3rd hook up is not so hot when you actually do it haha...the best one i had was when the guy was using his lower half on my friend and using his upper half with me, i love kissing! i could do a 3rds where the guy doesnt get to have intercourse with us girls and we just tease him alot haha that would be fun! ill keep an open mind :) 

i just visited your profile i cant believe you could be shy :) you are so beautiful and i love the costumes! im sure you make others feel just as shy! i wish i lived closer to you it would be a pleasure to be your wing-woman haha :)

pseupseudio

Feb 4, 2013

sfguy is a reactionary jackass, i'd be loathe to so easily allow him to write someone off if they might have some contibution useful to you. for the advice you want, he's less than useless.

like pilank said, it IS a bit off that you've gotten this far in life without any experience dating women if you're truly bisexual, which is why people are thinking you're fake/trolling.

i'm inclined to think so as well. however - just as CD said, many people don't fully realize their "alternative" sexuality until they're older.

what some of your friends have been telling you isn't wrong, completely. in my experience it's not "having a past" with men strictly, but many lesbians reject bisexual women as dilettantes. many people take a dim view of girls who make out with one another when drunk, viewing it as a stunt to appeal to men.

"trendy bisexuality" is what they're worried about, and that's where the hostility originates, but they -should- come to accept you as a person if you level with them as a person. bisexuality is a perfectly valid choice, and both heterosexuals and homosexuals could stand a better realization of that fact.

if you try to explore dating women and get social pushback from lesbians, don't back down from it - call them on their shit. if you're monogamous, being with a woman and devoted to a woman means your orientation doesn't really matter, to her - you're just as committed as you would be if you only liked girls.

NoNameIsGood_

Feb 4, 2013

OP just try not to end up in a mental institute cuz you cant decide if you want a penis or not and end up doubting your entire life's choices.

sfguyyy

Feb 5, 2013

And in roll the trollerie..

 

sfguyyy

Feb 5, 2013

 

As far as lesbians copping attitutes - theellocin has been very clear here, and I see no reason why she wouldn't be similiarly clear in person - that she's more or less "bi-curious".

No one has to psychoanalyze anyone to figure out if a lesbian has issues with a woman who is not a "die-hard lesbian", and if theellocin has already made it clear that she is not - I don't know why it's even an issue. Because if that sort of "despicable, wishy-washy bi-curious type" were so unappealing, why would the two of them even be angling for a date in the first place unless one or both of them were misrepresenting themselves?

There are plenty of women who have no such issues with bisexual or bi-curious women. Matter of fact, some find them highly appealing.

 

crashcrossroads

Feb 5, 2013

Yo OP make sure to post vids of your first UHaul move in girlfriend, and also of your first lesbian breakup. Also, WEAR FLANNEL and SAY HELLO!

crashcrossroads

Feb 5, 2013

Also, sfguyyy...haha you say this with such ANGER:

"Not to mention a major right-wing homophobe sock who comes to this forum section with the sole intention of trolling."

pseupseudio

Feb 5, 2013

sfguy, was there anything in particular the matter with what i said that you'd think of it as trolling?

or is it just good fucking advice and insight from someone who's known people going through similar?

i can see where you'd object to the point where i mention that you're a jackass, and i sympathize - i'd love for you to quit being a jackass so that i could quit thinking of you as one.

you find it very easy to write off the entirety of what someone says because you have some kind of personal issue with them, and you are very quick to label people "x-phobic" because you simply disagree with the way we approach giving input and support.

you're incredibly cynical and judgmental, which i find highly odd for someone who hangs out in a forum dedicated to the idea that the cynical and judgmental shouldn't get to decide for everyone in the world what love looks like.

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