# Forum

AuburnDusk

Dec 5, 2012 3:01am

How long after getting her phone number? How long after the first date?

Should calls always be for arranging dates, straight to the point, or is a little bit of small chat acceptable, even encouraged?

Does your gum really lose its flavor on the bedpost overnight?

Let:
T = Time to wait after obtaining number, in days.
H = Hotness, in an ascending scale of 1 to 10. A "5" is a perfectly average-looking person.
D = Day of the week. 0 if Friday-Saturday, 1 if Sunday-Wednesday, 2 if Thursday.

T = 5.5 - [ sqrt(H) + D ]

MsOtis

Dec 5, 2012 4:08am

Ah, higher Maths. That's hot.

I vote,

T = 1
H = <8
D = 1

SillySmartie

Dec 5, 2012 6:39am

I prefer text to calls because I'm really busy and rarely have the time for a phone chat until I've gotten to know someone. I like when I give a guy my number, and tell him he can text me, when he texts as soon as he gets it just to confirm he has my number. I don't mind being asked for a date via text, but if he wants to chat on the phone, he should text to ask me when it's a good time. Post date, I usually send a thanks text when I get home. After, it's nice to get a hello text within a day or two. I don't expect constant communication or anything like that, but it's been my experience that if a guy is waiting around a few days before contacting, that he's not really that interested. If he's very sporadic and doesn't ask me out again within a week of our first date, I tend to blow him off and turn my attentions to someone else who is showing interest. I typically am talking to a couple of people until it's established that I like someone and he likes me back and is interested at the same level I am. I don't wait around for guys and I don't pursue. Though I do make effort to suggest outings and ask a guy out that I really like once I know he's interested in me too.

Swampy65

Dec 5, 2012 9:55am

T = Time to wait after obtaining number, in days.
H = Hotness, in an ascending scale of 1 to 10. A "5" is a perfectly average-looking person.
D = Day of the week. 0 if Friday-Saturday, 1 if Sunday-Wednesday, 2 if Thursday.

T = 5.5 - [ sqrt(H) + D ]

Geek Logic will never steer you wrong.

Swampy65

Dec 5, 2012 9:58am

I prefer text to calls because I'm really busy and rarely have the time for a phone chat until I've gotten to know someone. I like when I give a guy my number, and tell him he can text me, when he texts as soon as he gets it just to confirm he has my number. I don't mind being asked for a date via text, but if he wants to chat on the phone, he should text to ask me when it's a good time. Post date, I usually send a thanks text when I get home. After, it's nice to get a hello text within a day or two. I don't expect constant communication or anything like that, but it's been my experience that if a guy is waiting around a few days before contacting, that he's not really that interested. If he's very sporadic and doesn't ask me out again within a week of our first date, I tend to blow him off and turn my attentions to someone else who is showing interest. I typically am talking to a couple of people until it's established that I like someone and he likes me back and is interested at the same level I am. I don't wait around for guys and I don't pursue. Though I do make effort to suggest outings and ask a guy out that I really like once I know he's interested in me too.

You are a fucking mess, Silly.

Seriously, it's a wonder anybody calls you back at all, based on that rambling pile of shit you just posted.

You're like the female version of that Jon Favreau character in the movie Swingers, who keeps calling the chick he just went out with, leaving crazy messages, until she finally picks up on his 6th or 7th call and tells him not to call back.

JustCaustic

Dec 5, 2012 1:21pm

You are a fucking mess, Silly.

Seriously, it's a wonder anybody calls you back at all, based on that rambling pile of shit you just posted.

You're like the female version of that Jon Favreau character in the movie Swingers, who keeps calling the chick he just went out with, leaving crazy messages, until she finally picks up on his 6th or 7th call and tells him not to call back.

I don't see where SillySmartie alluded to any stalker-ish behaviors, a la Favreau - I think she was detailing her preference for text  messages vs. phone calls.
Then again, there appears to be this strange forum subculture, here at OkCupid, that I've not delved into deep enough to fully understand all the nuances thereof. So, maybe it's that.

SillySmartie

Dec 5, 2012 2:27pm

^ Swampy is just rude to all the lady regulars around here. He also has trouble understanding posts that are more than one or two sentences. Who else would confuse "I'm not pursuing a guy" with "stalker behavior"? He's a nut.

Swampy65

Dec 5, 2012 2:55pm

For every "lady" that I'm rude to here, there are at least 10 that I don't have any problem with at all. You seem to think that when I call you out for being the pretentious, smug goof that you are, that I'm doing it to every woman on this site. That's simply not true, and you know it.

And who said anything about "stalker behavior"? I was merely referring to your unrealistic expectations about all of these non-existent requirements for getting a call after a date, hence the Swingers reference. Read that goofy post of yours I cited, it's complete gibberish.

If anybody is a nut here, it's you, and that garbage you posted about calls after a date proves it. BTW, paragraphs are your friend.

NoNameIsGood_

Dec 5, 2012 7:55pm

next day if you actually want to ask them out is fine. waiting longer shows you are doubtful in my book.

user458

Dec 7, 2012 1:26pm

There should be no rules or guidelines for this sort of thing. Gauge it for yourself based on how well your previous interactions have gone. Maybe even straight up ASK the person, as you get their number. Or tell them. Women like that.

Say, "Listen, bitch, I fully intend to call you tonight, so you better be ready."

phyxius

Dec 8, 2012 2:03pm

If I have something to say, I call. If not, I don't.

Jason_McAwesome

Dec 14, 2012 5:34pm

My text/calling policy is as follows:

I'll send a text either the next day or the day after that, just to tell her I had a good time.  This more or less puts the ball in her court. If she wants to have some text convo then I'll go along with it, if not, no worries.

If she hints or mentions that she's interested in going out again, then I'll always call to set up the next outing.  Texts sometimes take a while to get answered, and calling is more assertive than texting, so two birds with one stone.

That said, when I call to plan another date I usually have a rudimentary plan in my head of what we would be doing, she may have her own ideas, which is always awesome, but if she doesn't at least you'll have something you can throw out there.

I'm interested in finding out how the ladies on this forum like to be contacted.

Also, I agree with phyxius' idea:

If I have something to say, I call. If not, I don't.

It's generally not a good idea to call just to shoot the breeze, at least not early on.

SillySmartie

Dec 14, 2012 5:42pm

I'm interested in finding out how the ladies on this forum like to be contacted.

I prefer texting because I don't have to answer right away and I'm often in places I can't have a full phone conversation. I work full time I go to school full time and I have 2 teenagers. I don't care to discuss dating plans when I'm hanging out with them. Really, the only time I'm available with some time to devote my full attention to a phone call is late at night. I rarely talk on the phone. Generally, short conversations with my kids or parents or occasionally a girl friend I haven't talked to in a very long time.

missdewey

Dec 29, 2012 5:40am

I'm interested in finding out how the ladies on this forum like to be contacted.

I prefer texts as well, because I don't always have the time to chat on the phone, and we can talk about different things until the next time we hang out, whenever that may be.

Phone calls, for me, are more of a confirmation when meeting up someplace, than anything else. It would depend on the person, but I don't like talking on the phone much so that's why texting is better for me.

I agree with Silly's preference for doing things, (i.e., sending a thank you text, which lets him initiate the next conversation at his leisure.) If I don't hear back after a couple of days, I'd also assume that he wouldn't be interested (unless otherwise specified) and move on.

What9Thousand

Dec 29, 2012 7:43am

Following rules for this is stupid. Just call if/when you feel like it. If doing so means you're calling too soon/often, the problem is with your personality, and you need to fix that first before you can date.

MsOtis

Dec 29, 2012 8:42am

According to experts, 18 hours is the acceptable wait before calling after a date.

MizzSunshine69

Dec 30, 2012 6:00am

I'm now dating a guy who first text me a few hours after I sent him my number. I thought it was nice and showed he was interested.

A month on, things are still going great and we're pretty happy about it. Previously, I had grown used to frequent small talk by text from my ex, throughout the day almost every day (which was quite inconvenient at times). This guy isn't like that. At first I thought it odd, but I've grown to like it. Rather than constant texting out of some sort of obligation or insecurity, He gets in contact to make plans together or when he misses me. I'm very much the same. I think one or two nice genuine texts or phonecalls mean a lot more than 20 for no real reason or just for the sake of it. We see eachother fairly often so we're still able to talk plenty.

I don't really think there should be any set specifics around when you contact someone. Just do it when you feel like you want to. If you're thinking of her, get in touch so she knows it. She should do the same. It shouldn't always be up to one person. On the flipside of that, it may give you both a little insight into how you really feel if you're not thinking of eachother that often and wanting to get in contact. If that's the case, maybe you're just not that into eachother or the other person is playing a game.

HemizGo

Dec 30, 2012 9:57pm

Quit with the games! If you went out with her and you like her, call her! Man up!!!

Call her because being assertive is what we women like!

TigerLily063

Dec 31, 2012 5:55pm

I feel like it should be whenever you feel like it, if you want to text right away then do it, if not then wait. Same with after the first date, as long as you don't wait too long. Usually if I don't hear back from a guy within the first day or two after a date, I'll assume there is a lack of interest there. Sometimes I'll go ahead and text them myself to see what's up, but it depends. I've also been in situations where I didn't hear from a guy until days later, all was fine, but I wished he would have spoke up sooner. However with that said, I'm one of those up front people who love good prompt communication, if you had a good time then tell me, if you're just thinking about me, then text me and say hi. I do the same in return.

As for texts and phone calls, When it comes to small talk or conversations I prefer texting, unless a phone call is arranged. Simply because I like to be at home for phone calls, so I can relax and really talk in private.

SunriseTidefall

Jan 1, 2013 5:26am

I disagree with the dating advice that suggests you need to artificially wait 5 or more days, but at the same time, I wouldn't give her the phone call the same day.

I don't have a strict formula with this.  I usually give her a call when I have time and I feel up to it, and that's often 2 or 3 days later.