PeerlessSpirit

Jan 18

  I have been  member on this site for god knows how long, and while I have talked to some interesting people.  The interest was not enough it seems.  My daily matches are showing nothing but matches I have messaged before, and the rest are too far away/don't meet my preferences.  OKCUPID, Match,  Eharmony, Zoosk.  It matters not.  

  This is my only avenue of meeting women sadly, my work hours limit my social life and I'm not a bar person.  In fact I believe going to bars and getting hammered is beyond stupid.  I did have some great conversations with 2 matches not long ago, and yet, when the topic of "meeting in person" was brought up......*POOF*, they vanish.  I just don't know what to do anymore, some say bitterness makes the sweet even sweeter, but I've tasted so much bitter, I have grown numb.  The only means of standing out that I have yet to try is simply eliminating the competition, but it goes against who I am.

happienhopeful

Jan 18

Time to relocate.

BiggestCockEver

Jan 18

It's the hat. No woman wants a guy who wears a hat like that.

 

Believe me.

PeerlessSpirit

Jan 18

ROFLMAO! HAHAHAHA!........I don't get it?

 Anyways, yeah, I should redo my photos.  Fair point.  

BiggestCockEver

Jan 18

I was half-kidding because your hat is much like mine.

PeerlessSpirit

Jan 18

Yeah I figured, I'm a bit off today with my jokes, sadly.  

WskyTangoFoxtrot

Jan 18

It's time to relocate...   You have grown numb because Moorhead is really fucking cold.

I grew up near the metro..  

Apparently women in MN are just as picky online as CA women..  http://www.ayi.com/dating-blog/online-dating-pickiest-women-us-cities-brooklyn-detroit/

The good part about moving to LA is all the fit hot women..  

In any state the thing to do is spend minimal time and effort with online dating...  Just get out and meet women instead..  

vvarriors

Jan 18

In any state the thing to do is spend minimal time and effort with online dating...  Just get out and meet women instead..  

What if the type of women one likes are misanthropes, homebodies, loners and such? You know, the ones who aren't "out".

PeerlessSpirit

Jan 19

Ya know, if you told me that a year or two ago, I probably wouldn't have believed you.  Now, it doesn't surprise me in the least.  Still, any time you do something new solely for the sake of meeting women will not end well.  Just have to shift my focus.  Kinda gets disheartening, though, when you keep improving yourself, then decide to come back and look for the hell of it, and see no "results".  Maybe that is my fault.  The fact that I feel some form of entitlement because I try to better myself.  

Sushibitch

Jan 19

So, you're getting responses, and you're getting into mutually enjoyable conversations? It's just the meeting up that's the sticking point? It may be that you're bringing it up a bit too soon, or in a way which isn't doing its job, so it might be worth considering whether there's a better approach.

PeerlessSpirit

Jan 19

  Very good point, I am still trying to get the timing down.  I guess I try to go by how the conversation "feels", but maybe I'm too inexperienced yet to try that.  

WskyTangoFoxtrot

Jan 19

Guys should not feel entitled to anything.  It does seem to only be PC for women to act entitled but even women will tell you to avoid the ones with entitlement issues like a rattlesnake.  

Even with the best approaches you still lose more than you land..  I have tried countless email strategies and profiles.  

If you have any amount of social skills...I really think 99.99% of success or failure is all on your photos.  

http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/the-4-big-myths-of-profile-pictures/

http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/your-looks-and-online-dating/

Shoot all new photos...  Change up which one is your lead photo frequently..  

My current main really was a candid shot from when I was washing my bike...  Drying it the puppy got jealous and wanted some attention.   It works pretty good...  Shows some arm, some butt, me with a cute animal and a touch of affluence with the pasta rocket..

Keep updating with new good photos frequently..  Get a profile review and write something really good.  

Email only a handful of women a week and don't log in like all day every day.. You can also just leave it up and not send any first emails..  In a town that small and less progressive that probably won't work..  

PeerlessSpirit

Jan 19

Thanks for that! Already got a critique (thanks sushibitch!), and I'll get right on it.

 

Miss-Music

Jan 22

Still, any time you do something new solely for the sake of meeting women will not end well. 

Then go out with friends for actual enjoyment and life. Join meet-up groups, clubs, places all kinds of people go. You don't like bars? Don't go to them - plenty of other places in the world. It will in turn make you a more interesting person - as you'll have new stuff to add to your profile and make sure to take pics with friends to post here as well. Improving your life will improve your luck with dating on here and off. 

MisterCreep

Jan 22

 

It's just the meeting up that's the sticking point? It may be that you're bringing it up a bit too soon

 

My guess is it's the other way around (i.e. waiting too long). Or at least I'm pretty sure that's what it was for me when I first started using this site and kept getting flaked on.

@OP: Post some message threads if you want real advice. The reality is people are busy and have real lives so it's important to not get very invested in any particular lady folk you are pursuing on the interwebs, but if it keeps happening, it's probably something to do with you.

MisterCreep

Jan 22

There's a bit of a learning curve when it comes to the whole online dating thing imo. I was on the site for a little over a year with no meetups (despite numerous enriching conversations) and in the last 6ish months I've met 6 girls from this site.

Also I think plentyoffish might be a little easier. Maybe try there?

Sushibitch

Jan 22

My guess is it's the other way around (i.e. waiting too long).

Could be, although then I'd expect the complaint to be that the conversations end before the subject comes up, rather than as soon as it does.

Mathman1ca

Jan 23

Then go out with friends for actual enjoyment and life. Join meet-up groups, clubs, places all kinds of people go. You don't like bars? Don't go to them - plenty of other places in the world. It will in turn make you a more interesting person - as you'll have new stuff to add to your profile and make sure to take pics with friends to post here as well. Improving your life will improve your luck with dating on here and off. 

I wanna buy this man a delicious malty beverage. Life is out there, man, just do it. Talk to random ass women then go on your merry way without looking back for a second. The movie Hitch suggested that men cannot talk to a woman without some sort of agenda. Damn right. My agenda is to talk to her ass and walk the fuck away. 

Doing something solely with the intent of attracting women is called a strategy. As long as it doesn't engulf every other aspect of your life, it can be helpful. Balance is more important. Always remember to balance.  

trish6912

Jan 23

It just always seemed to me that when my friends who were looking for someone or were alone or whatever, when they quit trying and just tried doin things to make their own lives better, jobs, exercise, whatever it was that made them happier people, that seemed like when they would meet people. Maybe happy people attract others, I don't know. Maybe I'm crazy too but that's just how it seems. When you quit trying so hard.......

newinsm

Jan 23

People are often too quick to assume that when a guy doesn't turn a decent on-line convo into a meeting, a clear mistake was made on his part (or that there's a way to fix it).  

Sometimes you end up talking to someone who enjoys your conversation (but just simply doesn't care quite enough about meeting you or the possibility of dating you).   It's a standard situation that guys will run into sometimes, especially if they're fun to talk to. 

If you ask to meet up and someone genuinely wants to, she will find a way (as long as the timing or delivery of the question isn't absurdly bad).   Stressing over a more intricate timing of doing so is pointless.

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