typewritermender

Feb 19, 2010

So OKC had that little study about how men should be open to dating older women. Now, maybe it's just me, but I don't think the men are the problem. I'm not sure I've ever met a girl in her twenties who's willing to date younger. And a lot of the girls on this site have age restrictions for messaging them (so, I turn 24 in June...thus in June I'll be able to message some girls that right now I can't...what's the logic in that, ladies?) It's silly to me, I personally would have no problem dating an older girl, but they don't seem into it.

I remember senior year in high school this girl I was into was dating a 23 year old, and I thought he was an utter loser for dating a 17 year old girl. And I never wanted to be that guy. And now I'm 23...and teenage girls (generally) are just at a different place, they're less mature, drinking is still a novelty, etc...I'm just not that into the idea. But as I get older and older the girls my age are willing to date older and older. So, it's like: I'm just reaching the age where I could get that girl from high school. But I want to date girls around my age, with jobs and lives and perspective. I had a friend my age date a 36 year old guy! That seems crazy to me.

Then again maybe I'd meet an 18 year old who was perfect for me. I'm open to it, but I doubt it would happen. I guess what I'm saying is that it seems logical that in general anyone in their 20s, male or female, should have about a 3-4 year leeway on either side. So a 26 year old girl should be willing to date guys anywhere from 22/23-30. I understand why a a girl in her twenties wouldn't want to date an 18 year old, but in general the difference in personality & experience between a 23 y/o and a 26 y/o is negligible.

Any thoughts? Girls? You willing to date younger guys? How much younger would you be willing to go?

MuseofSatie

Feb 19, 2010

I didn't read the "study", but I would imagine that by "older women", they didn't mean "women in their 20s".

Just sayin' . . .

I don't go younger than 21.  My fiance is only a year younger than I am, and I've usually dated and hung out with guys about a year younger than me.  When it comes to girls, I tend to go for older just because I've had less psychotic women on the upper side of the 20s.

But anyway, OP, if some chick is so picky about age that she won't even give you a chance until she's 24 (btw, you CAN message them now; your messages just won't be highlighted), then you probably won't want to be with them anyway.  So, why does it matter?

ICalypso

Feb 19, 2010

If you're a woman in your twenties and you're dating a "younger guy," you're into teenagers.

Ick.

VivoD17

Feb 19, 2010

^ & ^^ I don't think that's what OP was getting at. I think he just meant guys in their twenties. Younger as opposed to significantly older guys.

typewritermender

Feb 19, 2010

Right but they were saying guys of all ages should be willing to date girls that are older than them, which assumes that the norm is that any guy will go after a younger girl. I'm 23...so it's unlikely I'll date anyone outside of the twenties...If someone came along over 30, and I was into her though, then cool. But the personal experience I'm speaking about on this site is with girls in their mid/late twenties who I feel I'd really get along with, but who have no interest in dating a 23 year old.

augirl41184

Feb 19, 2010

I think most girls are willing to go a few years younger, but truthfully in your twenties a two or three year difference can be an issue.  Although I am willing to date guys who are 22/23 I have yet to find one that has the maturity level I am looking for.  Usually these guys are just finishing college.  I have been out and in the working world for almost three years.  To me that represents being in two completely different areas of life.  It's kind of like what you said about a 22 year old not necessarily having enough in common with an 18 year old.  When you hit your 30's, that two or three year difference does not matter as much.  But in your 20's your life changes drastically every year.  So to answer your question there are definitely girls out there willing to date younger guys.  However in some cases it won't work cause of difference in where the two people are in their lives or maturity level.

Speaking of which, why exactly does it seem that guys mature slower then girls?  This could explain why so many 20 something girls end up with 30 something guys.  Maybe that's when the guys finally hit the right level of maturity...

MuseofSatie

Feb 19, 2010

"But the personal experience I'm speaking about on this site is with girls in their mid/late twenties who I feel I'd really get along with, but who have no interest in dating a 23 year old."

You may "feel" that you'll get along with them, but you probably wouldn't.  Why?  Because they're so uptight or have such odd preferences that they would rather not give a 23 year-old a chance but are fine with a 24 year-old.  I don't think you're missing out on much.

^ I've dated/slept with/known plenty of women in their 20s who are ANYTHING but mature.  Some aspects of maturity (and how fast it happens) may be dependent upon your gender, but it's not a universal thing.

augirl41184

Feb 19, 2010

MuseofSatie I totally agree.  I by no means was saying that ALL women mature faster then men.  Unfortunately there are many women out there who have a long long way to go...

And I do know of some guys who are exceptionally mature for their age, but they are few and far between...

Zōroástrēs

Feb 19, 2010

Fortunately, meatspace is a lot more malleable than internet tastes (and ethics). If you're charming, self-assured and of broad perspective, some older women will find you interesting enough to diminish the importance of age. I dated a alot of what would have been considered "older women" when I was in my teens and some of my early twenties.

 

Hey! I just called myself charming, self-assured and of broad perspective! I'm truly flattered.

ICalypso

Feb 19, 2010

Ehhh, give it a couple of years. You'll get some more life experience, develop as an individual, and poof! They'll be more interested.

Or they won't. Quit looking at age and start looking at individuals. I brushed one guy off who was 35 because he was, sadly, rather pathetic and looking for someone to take care of him. There's someone else who's 34 with whom I really enjoy talking because he's smart, he's interesting, he's funny, and the only problem is, he lives on the other side of the world. Literally.

"Hi, my name's so and so!" instead of, "Hi, I'm 23!" WHO, not how old.

typewritermender

Feb 19, 2010

Maturity has ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with age. I've met girls my age who act like they're 12, and I can't stand them and would never think about dating them. I've met guys in their 40s who act like they're still in college. If we really want to get into it, the problem is that we're taking forever to grow up nowadays. College is the new high school. And that's always really bothered me. So, yeah, probably a majority of people -- men & women -- are immature. I'd like to find a girl in her mid twenties who acts like she's in her mid twenties.

To say guys mature slower than girls is dumb and poopy and it just proves how totally ickies girls are! I'm mature!!!!

Lillith923

Feb 19, 2010

About a year ago, I broke up with a 21 year old.

My bf now is 26.

When I was 24 I married a 25 year old.

Maybe you are just looking in all the wrong places. Stop worrying about how old someone is, and worry about if you like them or not.

This isn't rocket surgery.

ICalypso

Feb 19, 2010

^^ Okay, you can stay!

typewritermender

Feb 19, 2010

^^@ICalypso, maybe I gave the wrong impression, but I'm not hung up on age. That's my point. I just found it bizarre that a lot of girls won't date younger, and was interested in getting opinions on the matter.

KrisJohn07

Feb 19, 2010

I don't date men that are younger than me because they are too immature.

 

Edit: V... It may not be 'maturity' in a clearly defined senes since it most likely varies person to person. I know what standards I hold men to, and I know by being around younger guys, their level of responsibility and life experience is far inferior compared to mine. Hence why I personally don't bother.

Zōroástrēs

Feb 19, 2010

Confusion regarding the concept of maturity is rooted in its lack of real meaning and its function as a desperation based placeholder in the hierarchy of character and personal evolution.

Zōroástrēs

Feb 19, 2010

^^ Ha! That post showed up as I was making mine.

ICalypso

Feb 19, 2010

4^  I think it's probably because most guys in their early twenties are relatively immature. Not all of them --and your remarks on the infinitely prolonged adolescence that's so damned popular nowadays could have been cribbed from some of my rants. (Have you been hacking into my computer again?)

But yes, the difference in maturity between 17 and 21 is USUALLY about the same as the difference between 21 and 25. (Not always!) And the women in their older twenties know it. Just. . . I dunno, man. Just meet people, and be who you are, and the ones with sense and sensitivity will recognize you.

And the ones that don't are dumb and poopy and total ickies, okay?

augirl41184

Feb 19, 2010

"To say guys mature slower than girls is dumb and poopy and it just proves how totally ickies girls are! I'm mature!!!!"

LOL I sense some sarcasm...or irony.  Either way...

Can we start a club or something?  A place where people who actually act their age, or imagine this, are more mature then their chronological age, can meet.  Cause I really do seem to have a hard time finding guys out there who act their age.  I know they are out there, but it's like they are hiding or something.  

Seriously though, I agree with the others, look for girls willing to look past the age cause they are out there.  Then show off your true maturity and go from there.  

Zōroástrēs

Feb 19, 2010

Isn't showing off maturity immature?

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