After lying in bed for several hours counting ceiling tiles while trying to sleep, I realized three things:
1. I am not going to be able to go to sleep tonight
2. I do not have ceiling tiles in my room
3. I can't see the ceiling because it is too dark

In a slight daze I sloppily throw my hand in the general direction of the switch for my reading light conveniently located on my nightstand. Just like every time I have done this for the past two weeks, I am shocked and annoyed by the burnt out light bulb that refuses to change itself (lazy fucking light bulbs). The clouds are in full effect tonight over San Mateo, making my room pitch black. I stumble blindly trying to make it the six feet from my bed to the wall on which my room's light switch resides. I know the wretched path well, I have made the trek many times, but tonight is different. Like Carole King, I feel the earth move under my feet. I feel this guy tumblin down, tumblin down.
After lying on the floor for about 30 seconds I stand back up, dust myself off and with renewed vigor and sense of determination I take the final two steps toward the wall. The American can-do attitude prevails. I finally make it to the wall with nothing bruised other than my fragile ego. I flip the switch and instantly reality switches from pitch black to a 60 watt sea of blinding light. After my eyes adjust I scan the floor searching for the Judas which turned against me in my life's darkest hour. I find the culprit which caused my fall, a faded brown Sketcher laying on the floor. The Sketcher which I took into my home, loved as my own sat there defiantly sticking its tongue out at me.

I find the object that I was searching for, the reason for my rise and fall, the laptop on which I am currently writing this on. It was about two feet from my bed, easily reachable from where I was lying.

Do French Lukes spell their names Louquex?

A 200 pound Burmese python had to be operated on when it tried to eat a pregnant sheep. That in itself was not very interesting or funny, I kinda feel bad for both the python and the sheep. The interesting thing was when I was clicking around that story, they made mention of another story that put an end to a debate that has gone through my brain for the past decade or so. Who would win in a fight, an alligator with a laser or a python with a .357 magnum? The debate plays out like this in my heard:

Me: Well the alligator isn't nearly intelligent enough to use a laser, so the python wins, hands down.

Me: I bring up a good point, python doesn't have hands, can't use a gun. Alligator wins.

Me: The python might be able to pull the trigger with its tail. Python wins

Me: Python wouldn't be able to aim very well, it would never hit the alligator. Alligator has teeth. Alligator wins

Me: The python wouldn't get anywhere near the alligators teeth, I think that is one of those evolutionary things, don't go near alligators mouth, but the python could squeeze the alligator to death, game goes to python.

Me: so it is a built in process to not go near an alligators teeth, but nowhere in the millions of years as alligators evolved did any of them think, don't let python coil around me.

Me: well, that depends on where the fight is?

Me: why does that matter?

Me: it just does.

Me: okay, the fight is at the MGM in Vegas

Me: that is not what I meant, you knew that. And there is no way that they could have the fight at the MGM. What insurance company would insure and event where they are giving a laser to one reptile and a handgun to another?

Me: We have already established that they won't use the weapons, why not insure the event?

Me: no we said that the snake would have bad aim, not that it wouldn't use it.

Me: You could put them in a bulletproof cage.

Me: I guess so

Me: What were we talking about before that tangent?

Me: You were being a smart-ass instead of telling me where the alligator is from?

Me: I don't know..... it's from Louisiana

Me: okay then, python wins

Me: why does the python win?

Me: because pythons aren't indigenous to Louisiana, the alligator wouldn't know not to let the python coil.

Me: damn!

Alas, the article I found proves me wrong, alligator wins
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,171358,00.html

I think I might be able to sleep now.