edit 1/25: HOLY SHIT I HAD "CASUAL SEX" MARKED - NO WONDER I HAD A SUDDEN INFLUX OF MESSAGES FROM STRANGE MEN.

FACT: the only message I've received so far was from an okc staff member asking for routine feedback. but we had a 78% match. so I winked at him. (he did not wink back.)

I hope you're ready for some fun!

I'm a video game designer and I make way more money than the last girl you were into.

I don't want to post up any pictures of myself yet because I swear to god I'll drop a pants size (or three, if you can make me cry about my self-image) within the next few weeks/days/hours before you see me in real life and realize: "oh my god, she wasn't lying when she said she wished that OkCupid had a 'Chunky' option for 'Body Type'."

I wish OkCupid had a "Chunky" option for "Body Type."

I really want to get down and dirty with a guy who has the same level of audacity as kanye west. except, instead of bragging about louis vuitton don night, my man will brag about the size of his e-penis. this includes - but is not limited to - his processor speed, his dps, how fast he compiles, how much sex he didn't have in high school and/or college because he was too busy fucking bitches on the grading curve, and all of the tacos he can eat within a 20-minute time span.

(and maybe his deadlift.)

(I know the last two aren't really e-penis-ish.)

(but he could probably post pictures on the Internet and win e-fame for it.)

(so it kind of counts.)

please don't message me if you don't get it. you'll be wasting time for the both of us.

I really enjoy looking up people with extremely low match percentages, extremely low friend percentages, and extremely high enemy percentages.

I need you to be (1) hilarious, (2) intelligent, and (3) stronger, better, and more powerful than me in every sense of those words and in everything I do.

as a friend put it: "Smart enough to program drunk, throws up a ton in steel at the gym and goes home to beat you at Starcraft in between destroying your pussy. Tall order."

OKAY WAIT HOLD ON.

if you've ever (1) listed the following on your profile or (2) considered getting serious with a girl who lists the following on her profile, then we are most likely not compatible, you handsome stranger!

- "I love to laugh!"
- "I like to explore the city!"
- "Friday nights are never typical!"
- "I love to travel!"
- "I don't take myself too seriously!"
- "I'm looking for my partner in crime!"
- "DAE le reddit this gem amirite guys?"
- "oh, and I love to laugh!"

also, I'm not skinny. make sure we kew with that.

ALSO, if you've ever used a meme in real life, I probably hate you. I knew it wouldn't work out when he told me how much he loved rage comics and advice animals. I admire creativity over regurgitation.