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31 Emeryville, CA Man


I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 23–38
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating

My Details

Last Online
Dec 16
5′ 8″ (1.73m)
Body Type
Aries, but it doesn’t matter
Graduated from university
Relationship Status
Relationship Type
Doesn’t have kids
English (Poorly)

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My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I've been repeatedly unable to fill out this section without it leaving me feeling like a self-indulgent narcissist, so I've since decided to leave this in the hands of someone who knows me well enough:

"If you hang out with him, bring bandages, for you will cut yourself on his razor sharp wit. He's the best kind of weird, and I feel happy when I'm around him." -Janessa, 30

Best 20 bucks I ever spent.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I'm a medical technician, which is actually rather amusing, considering that I find anatomy utterly horrifying. So I suppose the more general answer is 'what I must do in order to fulfill what I love doing', which is...
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
...performing. On stage as a comedian,

On stage as a douche disc jockey,

In both cases, it's developing a connection with others that I love doing, and something I'd like to believe I'm 'really good at.'
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Warm, playful, passionate, colorful, receptive and responsive, enthusiastic and expressive. know, the opposite of how this profile depicts me.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
This section seems designed to get you to drone on endlessly, and I found myself unable to avoid doing it myself, so here's one informatively distinct entry per category:

Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark (and other non-fiction).
Donnie Darko.
The Adventures of Pete & Pete.
Donnie Darko (Original Soundtrack).

*Unabridged edition available upon request.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Humor. The remaining five are mere variations on a theme.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Trying to imagine how I would have sex with someone wearing a neck pillow see it's impossible.

If anything positive has ever followed the words 'what you are about to see...'

If autocorrect is being contracted by the dictionary in order to pressure sell you on words no one else is using. 'Ducking?' When was the last fucking time I ever said 'ducking?'

If an unexpected test of the emergency broadcast system is going to suddenly transmit and momentarily terrorize me in the middle of the night. The words 'this is only a test' does little to thaw me out of the wide-eyed state of paralyzed panic at my regularly scheduled broadcast being interrupted with what sounds like my TV struggling to sign on via dial-up.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Abusing the bar's internet jukebox with the most wildly inappropriate selections imaginable.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I have an encyclopedic knowledge of late 70's to early 80's Italian mondo exploitation horror films. The fuck, right?

I'm also a complete and thorough nerd without the emotional/domestic/aesthetic baggage of one.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You've always been a curious, neither here nor there anomaly, infested with endorsing peculiarities, quirks, and eccentrics. Likably weird women always get my pink Starburst. And my candy.

You were decidedly unpopular in high school because you were into things that were decidedly unpopular.

You're passionate about your passions, and equally passionate about sharing them with someone else. Seriously, I almost don't even care what you're into, provided you're into something. Like, really into it. And then tell me all about it.

You've yet to find a Saturday night schedule more appealing than:

6:30- Clarissa Explains It All
7:00- Doug
7:30- Rugrats
8:00- Roundhouse
8:30- Are You Afraid of the Dark

Also, if you've summarized yourself using a sequence of three disparate adjectives, I think you're legally obligated to spontaneously combust.

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