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43 Raleigh, NC Man


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I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 28–45
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating

My details

Last online
Online now!
6′ 0″ (1.83m)
Body Type
Working on Ph.D program
Likes dogs
English (Fluently)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
In a nutshell, I'm a little fed up with going it alone. I'm looking for someone who shares some of my interests (but not all--how boring would that be?), someone who is independent and confident yet can admit when they really need someone close by. Ultimately, that woman would be the first person I think of calling when something particularly exciting, or funny, or troubling occurs in my life. They would be the first person I thought of when I wanted to do something fun with someone; the person whose hand I would grab when adventure rears its wonderful head. I've found that the attraction and physicality things usually sort themselves out, and it's when you are on the far side of burning desire that you find yourself searching for something with substance. Oh, I don't mind the process of getting there at all, and there is a sort of sweet poignancy when you emerge on the other side of lust to discover that lust was almost all the two of you had together. It's been a while since I got to that strange territory and found someone had made the journey with me, and I'm very eager to experience that again.

I am a romantic at my core, in the sense that I adore adoring and being adored, but also in my capacity to see the world as if it were a series of different settings and scenes, each with its own mysterious backstory, its convoluted history. It is like my life is spent on an endless location search, and it makes me attentive to details in landscapes, and cityscapes, and even (if you can believe it), the suburbs. As an historian this helps me communicate a sense of place that is often missing from academic writing. I suppose I sort of empathize with the past.

I am open and honest, sometimes to a fault, but it seems the safer direction in which to err. Conversation is nourishment, and the wittier the better. I am just as comfortable with whimsical speculation as I am with more meaty topics, my only hope is that those sharing the conversation also value intellectual curiosity and critical thinking. The sort of people who ask the question "Why?" a lot are usually my most favorite people of all.

I'm not expecting the perfect companion to just land in my lap. Again, I understand that these things tend to follow a process, that there are steps along the way (though these steps often shift about and follow no particular order). I DO expect that there be a spark, an energy between the two of us that is palpable and real. I WANT to be caught in the dilemma of wanting to call but wondering if I am calling too soon. I want to be excited to see someone for a second date, or a third, or a thirtieth. Most of all I want to share those feelings with someone.

I would like there to be a bit of mystery, but on-line dating seems to have killed a great deal of that, with our profiles being so damned specific and detailed. The goal here seems to be to find someone who is most like yourself, and I'm not sure if I totally agree with that. I like different people, and, beyond the biological differences, I'd like my partner to disagree with me about things. I'd like to have my mind changed by them every once in a while. In order to maintain a little bit of that mystery, I try to avoid an endless chain of emails, and prefer a real conversation, where the words are not edited, and the personality can shine through.

If any or all of this interests you, read on...
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I am a PhD candidate in American History, currently in the process of writing my dissertation. I have recently moved to the Raleigh area and am eager to find a companion with whom to explore what the city (and state) have to offer. I also have forsaken the uncertainty of the adjunct professor's life for the less-prestigious (but far more lucrative) world of restaurants. This gives me a funky schedule, but the flexibility to set aside time for what I really like to do (primarily time to write -- anything and everything except, in many cases, my dissertation).

I am very fond of dining out, and just as keen on cooking in. I like museums (art or otherwise) but prefer them on rainy days. I did once spend two (rainy, admittedly) days in the Uffizi staring at the Botticellis, but that's different. I'm not that into clubs, but a good neighborhood tavern, or a nice restaurant bar, where the noise is low, and conversation easy, can be great fun with the right company. I like theater, movies, live music in an intimate setting, parks, and good conversation. Combine any of the above with laughter, and I'm hooked.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
haphazard grammar, obscure vocabulary

And, to be fair, kissing...kissing might be the sexiest thing you can ever do, short of sex itself, and sometimes even more so. Kissing that doesn't stop at the lips, but sure as hell better start there. Kissing that would stop the heart of a less robust individual...

And a lot more than that, frankly.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Things I probably do not notice about myself.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Neil Gaiman (Esp Neverwhere)
Razor's Edge
Being There
David Sedaris
Sarah Vowell
Things Having to Do with Things I Teach or Research

Tom Stoppard
Harold and Maude
Wes Anderson
Lost in Translation
Everything is Illuminated
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Slings and Arrows
Lars and the Real Girl
Coen Brothers
Harry S. Plinkett
A Very Potter Musical (Yeah, you heard me)
Terry Gilliam
Breaking Bad
Game of Thrones


Traditional Anything
Jazz and Swing
Old School Punk
Nick Drake
Joanna Newsome
Elvis Costello
Ingrid Michaelson
Duke Ellington
The Dorsey Brothers
Count Basie
Carl Orff

No Processed Food
(I love to cook, and love cooking from scratch--I tend not to eat out at places where the food comes from trucks and goes into freezers before being put into the microwave for a predetermined amount of time. Nor do I eat at places where the menu is determined by market research---take that Olive Garden!)
I could eat sushi exclusively--as long as there's a salad or some edamame thrown in
I tend not to eat much in the way of meat protein, but am not vegetarian
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
craft beer, herbs and seasonings, artisan wines, a stage, eyes that stare deeply into mine, hugs
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Things less important than I'd care to admit.

But consider this...

If our eyes met in some sidelong glance, each other caught in a crowd, the crowd carrying us away from each other, and in that glance there was ... something ...

I would think about that a lot.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
being atypical
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I'm a bit obsessive about "pull through" parking spots (reverse is for suckers)
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
signs point to yes,

and... are willing to meet in person within a reasonable time period.

...would like to actually talk rather than sending an endless stream of emails back and forth.