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-what-is-this-

38 Phoenix, AZ Man

Man

I’m looking for

  • Everyone
  • Ages 18–45
  • Located anywhere
  • For new friends, long-term dating

My details

Last online
Yesterday – 11:15pm
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
White
Height
5′ 9″ (1.75m)
Body type
Average
Diet
Smokes
No
Drinks
Not at all
Drugs
Never
Religion
Other, and laughing about it
Sign
Aquarius, and it’s fun to think about
Education
Graduated from university
Job
Other
Income
Status
Single
Type
Offspring
Doesn’t have kids, but might want them
Pets
Speaks
English, Spanish (Poorly), French (Poorly), Italian (Poorly)

Similar Users

My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I'm actually in the wake of an (amicable) breakup as I sit here tonight inspired to completely revamp this profile. And, while I do of course feel sadness and even a bit of anxiety around the parting, I'm also feeling deeply grateful for and inspired by the way in which the relationship served as the perfect mirror for me to see (and begin integrating) a major part of myself that I must have disowned/repressed during childhood (in order to get love/connection from the adults, of course).

[Read the following in comedian Bill Burr's hilarious "weepy/perturbed woman voice" if you know who/what that is :) ] "I DON'T UNDERSTAND! WHY IS HE SHARING THIS?! IS HE ABOUT TO TELL US SOME PRIEST DIDDLED HIM UNDER THE TABLE DURING THE ALL SAINTS' PANCAKE BREAKFAST OR SOMETHING?!!"

No, I like to save that for a first date...maybe while playing miniature golf...or waiting in the go-cart line...either way really.

Actually, I'm sharing it cause the process of integrating this previously disowned aspect of myself is what's alive for me and what I'm feeling excited about these days. (Yes, I geek out on this stuff :) In fact, I'm "bringing in" this part of me right now as I re-answer these questions and am loving it :)

I'm also sharing it cause it's a good window into my personality and how I see relationships. I really appreciate deep, authentic connection, and I love to grow. And I see romantic relationships as amazing containers/vehicles for these things.

Truth be told, though, what lights me up more than anything is African dance and drumming. I devoted many years (of studying, teaching, and performing) to these artforms until I became debilitated by Chronic Fatigue Syndrome about ten years ago.

I must say that this illness, as grueling as it's been, has brought with it invaluable gifts, particularly in terms of spiritual awakening. AND I'm ready to move on. Fortunately, I'm finally getting some proper testing and medical expertise on board and am starting to improve. I feel more hopeful than I have in a long time that I will be able to enjoy dance and drumming again one day, as well as be able to return to graduate school to study Holistic/Somatic Counseling Psychology as I once was.

As for a list of self-descriptors, I prefer to let my profile speak for itself. My closest friend, though, has said that he admires my humility and sincerity.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I balance my time as best I can between working on restoring my own health and helping my 80 yr. old dad who suffers from advanced dementia. Between the two, my plate is quite full.

My dad is actually the reason I moved back to Phoenix a couple years ago. Ultimately, I see myself settling in a place like Boulder, Portland, Asheville, or Latin America...or maybe my spaceship will finally return.

[Update 4/11/15: I'm now also getting back into "consciously creating my reality." I had profound, almost miraculous, health results with this back in 2012, but then a different sort of spiritual awakening that wanted my full attention began to unfold, so it's only now that I'm finally getting back to using these powerful tools. I'm excited about it and am feeling more empowered already!!]
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Yelling in my car like a fucking madman. (Not like road rage. More like a scheduled session to release energy. Daily Planner: “2pm – yell in car like fucking madman” haha. It's actually a type of somatic psychotherapy (a bit more involved than what I've described here) called Bioenergetics, and it's amazing!!!!)

Sobbing (...sometimes hard to get the tears to come up, but when they do, I'm good at surrendering my voice, limbs, etc., and letting the energy take me on a wild, deeply healing ride.)

Breathing deeply (...and making loud ''Ahhhhhhhhhhhh'' sounds on the exhales. A tantric practice. So relaxing!!)

Generating a strong masculine/feminine polarity between me and my partner when making love. And being super present to every touch, sound, etc.--including fully feeling into the woman's feminine energy as she opens more and more (best thing ever, by the way).

Adjusting my perception so that the sense of subject/object duality dissolves. (Good at it, but don't usually do it unless I'm suffering intensely in some way, taking a walk in the park, or making love. In other words, I still live most of my life in seeming separation, which perhaps you've heard, can be a bitch :)

Spending seven hours writing a paragraph-long email.

And then spending a day and a half researching the best vacuum cleaner to buy.

Listening...making someone feel seen. Holding space...not needing anyone to feel differently than they are.

Taking responsibility for my feelings/needs.

Recognizing that I carry every possible human trait/inclination—good, bad, and ugly—within me.

Not going places.

Laying in bed with my (hypothetical) girlfriend's head on my chest while simultaneously honing my skills at ^^above^^ ...oh, and below.

Not dying.

Deeply appreciating someone for being honest and real with me, even if it's painful.

Knowing which comedians are funny and which are not :) (Answer: Louis CK, Bill Burr, Brian Regan, Sacha Baron Cohen, Sarah Silverman, Aziz Ansare, David Spade, David Letterman, Larry David, Adam Carolla (Loveline), and Samantha Bee (Daily Show) are some gems. Shared sense of humor is HUGE for me!!! If you like some of these same people, we're off to a good start :)
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
hmmm
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
BOOKS:

The Transparency of Things / Presence by Rupert Spira

The End of Your World / Emptiness Dancing by Adyashanti.

Getting Real / Truth in Dating by Susan Campbell.'

Don't Be Nice Be Real by Kelly Bryson

The Wisdom of the Enneagram by Riso & Hudson

Tantra, Spirituality & Sex by Osho

The Heart of Tantric Sex by Diana Richardson

The Way of the Superior Man / Enlightened Sex by David Deida

The Shaman's Way (among many others) by Arnold Mindell

Eastern Body Western Mind by Anodea Judith

Bioenergetics (among many others) by Alexander Lowen

Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself by Joe Dispenza

Ask and It Is Given by Esther and Jerry Hicks

The Neville Reader by Neville Goddard

The Hidden Messages in Water by Masaru Emoto

MUSIC: West African percussion, neo-soul (Music Soulchild), R&B (India Arie), no-beat ambient, West African pop (Oumou Sangare, Salif Keita), bhajans (Krishna Das), country

MOVIES: I haven't seen many movies in my lifetime (Back to the Future may've been the last one...haha...ok, I'm exaggerating, but not by much), but I tend to enjoy them when I do. When they end, though, I often feel a bit empty/anxious, which can be somewhat disconcerting. I usually try to fill the void by stuffing another Rice Dream Mocha Frozen Pie down my face. So far so good!!

FOOD: Ughh. Very sore topic for me. The “Mocha Frozen Pie” thing above was a joke..well, the specificity of it anyway. I actually haven't been able to eat anything sweet for like seven years due to an (intestinal) candida issue. (Sexy, I know.) I don't care about processed sweets, but I SO DEEPLY miss eating fruit. If I could eat that again, I would likely go vegan or even raw vegan, a diet that I've really enjoyed and felt good on in the past. As it stands, I eat a clean, grain-free, dairy-free, omnivorous diet.

TV SHOWS: The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
I can do without almost anything, but some of the best things in life are:

African Dance and Drumming
Dry, Witty, Playful Banter
Laughing Till I Cry
Bioenergetics
Learning; Noticing and Growing My Edges
Honesty, Transparency, Vulnerability, Deep Connection
Nature
Physical Affection/Cuddling
Slow, Sensual, Devotional Blowjobs
Heart Orgasms
Women/The Feminine
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
all the ways in which I'm so much better than other people.

all the ways in which other people are so much better than me (can be same or different people from above :)

how to reply when someone sends me a humorous text: “Should I text back an 'lol' or just a smiley face? I don't know if an 'lol' feels authentic . Did I really laugh out loud? I don't think so. Or maybe I did. I can't remember...*sigh*”

what Enneagram type someone might be.

what it means for there to be "individual" souls in a nondual reality.

how this waking state is not fundamentally different than a dream (...not meaning that it's an illusion, but rather that its only reality, as with a dream, is Awareness. And therefore it is not any more [or less] real than a dream.).

and finally, I have an ongoing fantasy about how liberating (and intimate) it would feel to be in a relationship where there was "radical transparency." (I know, it could also be a real trainwreck.)
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
at home.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
My heart broke in a thousand pieces when my dad started asking me "Who are you?" a few weeks ago. Life can be so raw/painful. And so beautiful at the same time. His suffering, his fear, his confusion and childlike vulnerability, is precisely what calls forth from me the desire to love on him with all that I've got. When he feels this effusive love and caring, his love becomes effusive as well, and these moments are sweet and beautiful beyond words, as if my heart may burst with love. (Search "Gods Gift" on Youtube if you want a taste of this sweetness.)
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
you love Louis CK .

I had you at "integrating this previously disowned aspect of myself" and now you want to jump my bones.

you are repulsed by me physically and have no romantic interest, but might want to try doing the "Ah Breath" (deep-breathing/releasing practice mentioned earlier) with me sometime over the phone. (I do it everyday for 15 minutes. On a few occasions, I've done it by phone with a female friend, and it was ten times better, even ecstatic once, but she's super busy, so I need a longer "text list." Anyway, it's amazing for relaxing, releasing, and opening up the energy in your body).

you have no romantic interest, but think we would get on amazingly well as friends.

**As I mentioned earlier, I'm only recently out of a relationship, so it will probably be at least a month or two (from 2/1/15) before I feel complete with that process and available to get to know someone new. I actually don't have the time right now anyway, which means that even for those contacting me about potential friendship, I will probably have to bookmark the connection for awhile. Basically, the only thing I'm available for *right now* is "breathing sessions" (cause I do those anyway).

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