Due to unforseen circumstances I came here on an airplane when I was eight years old. Here used to be Connecticut. Now here is Canada. It's pretty all right here. The trees back home don't change colors and pretend to die. But my fingers don't get frostbite and fall off, either.

My fingers didn't actually fall off. It's this literary technique I learned called "Being Cheeky" from a couple of woodland creatures in exchange for some tasty acorns. Yeah, I ripped them off. Acorns taste terrible.

If I don't go to graduate school then I have to enlist in the military back in Taiwan. That's how it works over there. Fascists. Just kidding about the fascism. I get universal healthcare. It's like five bucks to go to the dentist's.

My grandmother doesn't have to go to the dentist anymore. No teeth left. She had a stroke when she was 68, then she grew smaller and smaller and then impossibly smaller. It's been ten years, and she is dry skin draped over brittle bones now. A wind could carry her away like a kite whose string has broken, my grandmother kite.

I doze off during class sometimes, and in my dreams I am a mathematical genius. I walk very slowly in the dream because I have about twenty professors hanging on my pantlegs, begging me to work on their research.

"Sorry, chaps," I say. "Can't do. Have to go rock out to The Kinks and have a cold one."

I don't have a job. Sometimes I buy lottery tickets. That's almost like having a job, right? One time I won $900 dollars at roulette. I write a lot of stories that don't have endings. The people stop talking one day and the cats wander off through doors left open like blank pages.

Currently trying to write a movie. It's going really slowly, like an iceberg. That's how you know it's going to be reallygood. All the good parts are under water.

Here is a thing:
http://elograph.everythingisreally.com/

Picking out books you'd like. Beating you at Tetris. Pretending to read in a cafe. Memorizing facts about marine animals.

My indefatigable spirit and lack of faith in the future of mankind.

This is something we can talk about on a walk to the bagel shop, unless you're into raisin bagels. If you like raisin bagels I'll probably kick pebbles at you. In fact, if you support raisin breadstuffs in general, you should go find like an ocean liner and try to bring it full stop with your face.

This section is stupid, it is now about

THINGS I DESPISE:
1. People who try to enter an elevator before people get out.
2. DHL Canada.
3. Mayonnaise in my sandwich.
4. Laptop speakers.
5. The cat ate a mouse on my bed. Why. Don't do this.

Reasons for staying awake, touching, breathing, quantum gravity, P vs NP, accumulation of the infinitesimal, how to write down this moment, making stuff with my hands, making you come with my hands, the logistics of spending the day in bed.

Are you?

The cat and I drink from the same glass. I don't wash my jeans all that often.

You are sleep deprived. You like the sea.