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36 M Cleveland, OH

I’m looking for

  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 21–35
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating

My Details

Last Online
Today – 5:04pm
5′ 10″ (1.78m)
Body Type
Not at all
Agnosticism, and laughing about it
Cancer, but it doesn’t matter
Graduated from law school
Rather not say
Relationship Status
Relationship Type
Has a kid, but doesn’t want more
English (Fluently), Swedish (Fluently)

Similar Users

My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Quick hits:

1) This is a long profile. It was recently called "The War and Peace of profiles." Much like that classical masterpiece, it might be worth your time to read it to the end. Pay special attention to the "you should contact me if" section.

2) If you've noticed me visiting your profile more than once I most likely find you interesting. However, I am terrible at making the first move. So, if you are at all interested, go ahead and shoot me a message and let's talk.

3) Just a quick promise/FYI: You will never be the most important thing in my life. That spot is taken by another woman (look at "My Details" and put two and two together).

***Now, down to business!***

Executive version:
I am the bastard love-child of Henry Rollins and Eddie Izzard (minus the drag). If you know who these men are you pretty much know me; you know how my mind works, what to expect from me, and my body type (more Henry than Eddie on that score). I am happy and proud to be able to say that I've seen both of them perform live (and in the case of Henry several times).

Non-executive version:
I'm really trying to come off at least as interesting as I actually am, but an online profile makes that pretty tough. Power through, and just know that when you actually get to know me it'll be worth it. Here goes...


One "I'm" and five "I":

I'm a 21st century digital boy.

I am an adult living an adult life.
I am old enough now to have wisdom, experience, and patience.
I am experienced enough to know what I do and do not want and need in others.
I am at a point now where I can appreciate quality over quantity.
I have learned to value time together and appreciate time apart.


Both I and this profile are a constant work in progress.

This section should really be called "random facts about me." At least, that's how I'm going to treat it. Seriously, you need to know that combination of fairly ordinary things that make me me.

I have a big head. I don't mean that in the sense of having a big ego. I mean that I physically have a big head. If you look at my pictures, you will notice me wearing bucket hats in two of them. Those two hats were custom made for me by a local seamstress, because hats are not actually made in a size that fits me. One-size-fits-all baseball caps? Yeah, right...

I am an aural learner, which can be demanding of my surroundings. Often you just can't tell if I'm having a conversation/discussion with you or thinking out loud. The trick is to realize that I'm doing both.

SSC - If you know what this refers to just stop reading for now and shoot me a message. Once you've sent me the message, by all means keep reading.

Apparently, a lot of guys just look at the pictures and then write thoughtful and/or asinine messages to the ladies. I don't do that. I read your profile, look at your pictures, and, above all, I check your answers to those questions I think are important. And then I write a message that is supposed to be thoughtful but probably come off as asinine.

A big pet peeve of mine is getting the answer "I don't know" to the question "what do you think?" I didn't ask what you know, I asked what you think. When I want to know what you know I will ask you about that.

I am native Swedish and constantly feel the need to apologize for things like Ingmar Bergman, Ace of Base, Roxette, RedNex, ABBA, Robyn, and, yes, IKEA. I did (finally) get around to reading "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo," but I don't see exactly what was so fantastic about it.

You would think that I would have learned to go to bed at a reasonable hour by now, but no.

Some day, soon, I will learn to play the mandolin.

Blimps (airships) freak me out. They shouldn't be able to just sit there, but they are. Creepy, really creepy.

My favorite weather is rain.

I have a small obsession with prime numbers.

I have no tattoos but I am planning to get several.

My screen name is the only thing I could think of when I signed up. I have since realized that my screen name should have been GrammarNazi (Or GrammarFascist, probably. That's less politically incorrect, right?).

I always have to think about which is my left and which is my right. Every single time.

Every time I play a trivia game, I answer as if I was a contestant on Jeopardy! I can't help it, and I can't fix it.

At some point, I would love to get together with five other people to play clue. In costume. I've got dibs on Colonel Mustard.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Work, since that is pretty much a necessity (I am not yet independently wealthy, boo!).

I curl (you know; ice, stones, and brooms) when I can.

In the summer I do open-water swimming as opportunities present themselves. No way am I doing it in the winter...

I enjoy geocaching way too much. If you've ever been curious I'll be more than happy to show you. And if you find (or already know) that it's not for you I won't hold it against you.

Other stuff: I enjoy exploring both the city and nature, going to the theater and movies, or just hanging out in someone's back yard or living room. I'm also up for an adventure when opportunity presents itself.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Turning all the awkward first dates I observe at Starbucks into a running sports-style commentary in my head, narrated by two guys named Matt and Jim:

M: "So, Jim, here we are coming up on the 15 minute mark of the first date of Mr. Handsome and ShyButLovely, and I have to say that things are going well so far."

J: "Right you are, Matt. Mr. Handsome has made all the right moves so far, holding the door, asking what she'd like to drink, waiting for the drinks while letting her pick a table, all the standard stuff. But as we all know, we're just now coming up on the difficult part of the course."

M: "Indeed we are. He's still doing well, though, having chosen to expand on an amusing anecdote regarding a fraternity brother from college. It's not a move completely devoid of pitfalls, though, as it can lead the attention away from... But wait! Did he just... Yes! He did! He pulled off the tested and true the-family-we-choose-vs-the-family-we-are-given gambit! Remarkable! What a transition! He now has her talking about her immediate family, coming off as a family-centered and caring potential boyfriend."

J: "Oh, not so fast, Matt! Notice how Mr. Handsome is leaning back in the chair, stretching out, crossing his arms over his chest. A very distant and uninviting stance, especially compared to ShyButLovely's posture earlier, propping one arm on the table, supporting her head in her hand, fingers touching her lips. We know what that means, don't we?"

M: "Well, apparently Mr. Handsome doesn't, haha!"

J: "Yes, it's quite surprising that Mr. Handsome would fail to pick up on those signals, even subconsciously. Should we give him the benefit of the doubt and chalk it up to nervousness?"

M: "It really doesn't matter, Jim, because there is one person who has all the say here, and she's staring him right in the eye as we speak. And there it is, the glance at the watch! Surely, he couldn't have have missed that?"

J: "He didn't. Obligatory comments that he's enjoyed himself but that other matters must be attended to. They should do it again soon. She agrees, but if it will ever happen remains to be seen."

M: "But if it does, you will see it here first, on No Holds Barred Dating!"

J: "This is Jim,"

M: "And this is Matt,"

J: "Saying 'until next time' from the Starbucks on Clifton
Avenue, just on the Cleveland side of the Lakewood border. Good night!"

That's how it often goes down. I may try to tune in to Stadtler and Waldorf (the two grouchy guys in the balcony seats on the Muppet Show) at some point. That could be funny.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Is that I'm smarter than I look, which is much better than looking smarter than you are. I am a card-carrying Mensa member, but don't hold that against me.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
I have always had an aversion to following the mainstream. What that means is that when you hear about it everywhere, I'm not doing it, unless I was doing it before everyone else jumped on the bandwagon (for an example, see below about Guns N' Roses). It just seems to me that anything having mass appeal does so because of a lowest common denominator. Maybe I'm wrong, but I've seen no indication of that so far.

As a general rule, I enjoy end-of-the-world and post-apocalyptic stuff, in whatever form it comes. Think books like The Road by Cormac McCarthy, Swan Song by Robert McCammon, and the granddaddy of them all: The Stand by Stephen King.

I will also read anything by Neal Stephenson (if you were to check out one writer from this list, he's the one), Michael Chabon, Margaret Atwood, Carl Hiassen, Stephen Fry, and Douglas Adams (although he has been less productive lately).

I don't watch a ton of TV, but I make sure not to miss Sons of Anarchy, Archer, Justified, and The Big Bang Theory. Britcoms are the best thing ever. Fawlty Towers, Keeping Up Appearances, Wooster and Jeeves, and the unbeatable Allo' Allo'.

Some of my favorite movies are A Fish Called Wanda, Life of Brian, and Monty Python's Quest for the Holy Grail. Notice a trend there?

I am fantastically adept at being behind the curve when it comes to popular music. I normally don't discover stuff until after everyone else has moved on. That doesn't stop me from posting about it on facebook, though. And that doesn't stop my friends from mercilessly making fun of me for, once again, having no clue what is going on.

I normally listen almost exclusively to NPR, but I keep thinking that I should give Barry Manilow more of a chance. And there is something about the Big Band Orchestra stuff from the '30s and '40s.

I have a theory that everyone are defined by that one artist or group that came along at exactly the right time in their life (Elvis, Madonna, Backstreet Boys, Rolling Stones, Beatles, Nirvana, whatever). For me it's Guns N' Roses. True story: My mother bought me their breakout album back in 1988, as a gift. We're talking LP with the original cover art. Look it up on wikipedia and you'll see why it takes a special kind of woman to buy that for her 10 year old son. I love my mom.

I value talent and I enjoy Youtube. Put the two together and you get things like this: and this

Black liquorice is an essential part of any healthy diet. On the other hand, I am trying to cut out mammals from mine. In other words, plenty of fish, seafood, and bird, but no beef, mutton, veal, pork, etc. The jury seems to be out on whether this makes me a vegetarian (or at least an aspiring vegetarian). If you have an opinion please message me, as I really want to know if I can call myself a vegetarian or just "a guy with some well-defined eating habits."
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Family and friends - What is life without them?

Wikipedia - I'll look for something and before I know it I'm twenty pages away.

Chipotle - Burrito bowl with brown rice, pinto beans, double chicken, hot salsa, plenty of sour cream, plenty of cheese, and lettuce. Yum!

Subway - I'm addicted to the tuna melt.

Books - There is no problem that cannot be solved by more books or another bookcase.

Vibram Toe Shoes - They may look odd, but beside fuzzy bunny slippers they are the most comfortable things you could possibly wear on your feet.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
I think about all kinds of things, really. The problem is that if I spend any significant amount of time thinking of something, I'll wind up thinking it sounds like a good idea. Most likely, it really isn't. However, here is some of the stuff that goes through my mind:

Why the [expletive deleted] is there no Hot Sauce Williams on the West Side? Discrimination is what it is! What, hogging all the snow is not enough for you? You need to keep all the good BBQ, too? Why should I have to drive 200 goddamn blocks for your ribs? Bastards!

The different personas we display in our daily lives. To our families, at work, on a first date, etc., and how much they differ from each other. I've had even more reason to think about this as of late, but that's another story.

Does the publishing of the "50 Shades of Grey" books help or hurt the BDSM community? Are people more or less misinformed after having read the books? Do they just add to the prejudice? Is there an uptick in people getting seriously hurt because they're trying stuff without knowing what the hell they're doing?

Information theory. No, really. What is the fundamental nature of information? Is there even such a thing?

The interaction between language and society, especially in light of the aforementioned information theory. Complex issues, obviously.

In this day and age of constant connectedness, 24-hour news channels, and citizen journalists, can there be any kind of reasonable expectation of privacy outside the four walls of your home? What about within your home (don't be so quick on that answer...)?

If I smash two mirrors into each other, breaking both, will I still have 7 years of bad luck? 14? 49?

Could I make a living as a jello artist? Could I make a coffee-table book with pictures and recipes of my creations? Would anyone other than potheads buy a book like that?
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Doing something fun, but relaxing. Hopefully getting ready to go away for the weekend, or already on my way. The bar/club scene is not my thing, but if we're talking movies, someone's living room, or a fire pit in someone's back yard, I'm in.

Possibly geocaching, but that's not specific to Friday nights. It's more of a 24/7 thing (that is, as opportunity presents itself).

Also, weather permitting, Urban Exploration may very well be on the agenda.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I am a very good singer. If you're able to do the part of, say, Montserrat Caballé in the song Barcelona, I see a duet in our future.

I'm a huge fan of the show My Word on NPR. There is something about hearing the Queen's English that makes me want to throw on a tweed jacket and sip tea in the parlor of my flat. And I hate tea. You also like My Word? Smashing good job! Two marks!

There is one specific symbol that I want to have branded onto my skin. Yes, as in "burned with a white-hot iron into the flesh." Does that sound creepy? Once you ask me about it you will find that it is not at all. Sometimes, it's all about showing how far you are willing to go.
(One person was concerned that the symbol was a Swastika. It is not. Very far from it. So you don't have to worry about that.)

So, that was three "private things." In the spirit of making my profile interactive, I invite you, dear reader, to decide which one of the items is the most private.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
1) You have a FetLife profile.


2) You don't have a FetLife profile, but you've figured out from reading my profile that you play like I play.


3) You believe that grammar actually counts for something.

4) You can tell me why the statement "I never make categorical statements" is incorrect.

5) You are above average in intelligence. If I had to rank "what I'm looking for" that would be right at the top. There is absolutely nothing more attractive than intelligence.

I don't mind people of faith, but keep it classy, San Diego. Proselytizers, jesus freaks, and bible thumpers should waste not my time or theirs. Vaya con dios and good luck on your journey.