Hello. My name is Nick. I have moved to America from England, which is a country you may have heard of. We invented The Beatles.

I am from Doncaster, in the North, which is the grim grey miserable bit. Absolutely no famous bands are from there. Have you seen Billy Elliot? That's pretty much where I'm from. Have you seen Game of Thrones? You know how the ones in the cold northern area talk? My accent is kind of like that, but with a bit of London on top. Where I am from they still say 'thee', 'aye' and 'thy' sometimes.

I've lived all over the world - Asia, New Zealand, Australia, England. My parents are travel-obsessed hippies so I've seen plenty of the world, and I see my parents about once a year, rarely in the same country twice. I have three passports.

I'm quite nerdy, but am not a complete social retard like many nerds. I can hide it on a whim as the situation demands. If you have no interest in nerds then you will never ever notice I am a nerd until it is far, far too late. If you actually like nerds and want to challenge me on nerd matters then it is ON.

For a living, I help gay men have sex with each other, using the power of computer programming. It turns out, gay men love having gay sex with each other so this is a surprisingly stable career. If you have a gay best friend, he will approve of me, and yes, I can get him a free subscription.

Anything technical. I am a software engineer (a bunch of different languages but mainly Objective-C these days, i.e. iPhone/iPad development). My mother is also a computer programmer, so it's pretty much in my blood. My father calls us 'the fucking nerds'. Even though I am an iOS developer, I am willing to date someone with an Android phone.

I also play the guitar, and spent a lot of my teens learning how to play Metallica solos. I can play Dust in the Wind for you right fucking now if that will impress you at all. It impressed girls when I was 18, I wish life were still that easy.

I do martial arts. I'm tough. I could probably commit to beating up a person of no greater height than 5'1" who was slightly drunk and of below average fitness, if it came down to it. If any men fitting that description are impugning your honour - contact me.

Usually with Americans, they listen to me for about ten minutes and then say "Wait. You aren't American." like they'd just exposed a communist spy. After they've had that revelation they notice that I am really quite nerdy indeed, and after that they notice that I swear quite a lot.

People say I look really stern all the time, I don't know why. I'm incredibly easy-going. The chance of me giving someone a dressing-down for any reason is slim. I think possibly I look stern because I'm concentrating really hard on not saying anything stupid.

Books: Catch-22, The Once and Future King, Cryptonomicon, The Lord of the Rings, The Secret History, the Narnia series (I once made friends with a group of people at the next pub table over because I loudly said "I fucking love Narnia, fuck off!" to the people I was with).

Comics: The Invisibles (once told the author he was my favourite writer, whilst drunk, at a party - proud moment), Akira, The Dark Knight Returns, anything by the aforementioned Grant Morrison, Alan Moore, people like that. I read a lot of comic books. I will never make you read one unless you want me to, and if I did, it would be an incredibly good one. I'm not the sort of nerd that tries to get girls to read Shitty Wolverine Adventures #431 because there are awesome fight scenes in it or something.

Movies: Merry Christmas Mr Lawrence, Robocop, The Talented Mr Ripley, Conan the Barbarian, Alien, Blade Runner, Angel Heart, and basically anything with either a spaceship, a robot or an alien in. Is it nerdy? I've seen it. Don't talk to me about Prometheus, it still hurts.

Music: The Beatles, The Sisters of Mercy, Róisín Murphy, Moloko, David Bowie, The Smiths, Chromatics, Glass Candy, The Future Sound of London, Kate Bush, M83, Joy Division, Neko Case, Grizzly Bear, Twin Shadow, The Cure, Marvin Gaye, Prince, Fleetwood Mac, Pop Will Eat Itself, Queen, Nouvelle Vague, Tool, Underworld, Led Zeppelin, Guns N' Roses, New Order, Duran Duran, Depeche Mode, Nirvana, Shirley Bassey, Pet Shop Boys, Bat for Lashes, The Prodigy, Billy Idol, The Cult, Smashing Pumpkins, Deftones, Radiohead, Roxy Music, Björk, Wu-Tang Clan, Air, Tears for Fears, Michael Jackson, Faith No More, Neil Young, Ladytron, Al Stewart - a sprinkling of pretty much everything with a strong tendency towards slightly gay electronica and goth rock. Is it a bunch of droning melancholy misery with slightly knowing, ironic lyrics? It's in my iTunes. Honestly, I don't much care if you have the same music tastes as me as long as you are into SOMETHING. It'd be great if you could dazzle me with some amazing music I haven't heard before, the favour of which I will happily return. That said, if you want to tell me my selections of favourite Led Zeppelin songs are all brilliant because they're the same as yours, that works too.

Food: I have come to this great state of California to sample your fine Mexican food. I am rarely disappointed. Also, your burgers are quite often very nice. I have recently discovered that if you are just drunk enough to make a slightly reckless decision, then street vendor hot dogs are pretty amazing.

Television: The Wire is the best show ever made. If you have a favourite character (not counting Omar), that will help matters. Mine is Bodie. Also love Breaking Bad, Six Feet Under, True Blood, The Shield, Six Feet Under, The Sopranos, all that kind of thing. I watch Game of Thrones even though I know in my heart it is totally crap. It's True Blood with swordfights instead of vampires.

I watch Doctor Who. Look, I'm British and one of the privileges afforded to all British people is to have as many opinions about Doctor Who as they like. If I ever get drunk and abusive I might call any Americans who say they like Doctor Who a bunch of johnny-come-lately poseurs and demand they tell me their favourite Doctor not counting the three newest ones. If you like Doctor Who, here is a brilliant first date idea - I will wear an eccentric ensemble consisting of a dinner jacket, a long scarf and an unusual hat, and run up to you in a bar and frantically demand you tell me what year it is. Whatever you say, I will look pensive and whisper "then I'm already too late!" under my breath. If you don't watch Doctor Who, please ignore this paragraph.

My iTunes library. I think my iTunes library will probably be my legacy to future generations.

My gigantic American television. All I use it for is Breaking Bad, Doctor Who and my Xbox. Watching pornography on it is not an option because there are some things you don't want to see at that size.

My visa. I'd like a green card but it's slow going. There are a lot of people in this country that want to shoot all foreigners, you might be aware. I don't need a visa marriage, but thank you for offering.

Tea. I didn't even drink that much tea in London but now it's basically my only connection to my homeland other than HP Sauce.

Air-conditioning. Because my viking heritage makes me genetically ill-equipped for this climate.

My car. It's my first car. It's a very sensible car. I never thought I'd be a 'wow I love having a car' person, but it turns out I am. I will happily go miles out of my way to give people rides, because driving is awesome. My driving playlist is impeccable. Before you ask if it's weird driving on this side of the road, this is the only side of the road I've ever driven on. We don't drive in England because we have the Tube, but having a car has made me look down on public transport with a sneering disregard.

If I travelled back in time and met the Beatles and I happened to have an iPod on me, what music from the modern day would I show them? I would not show them dubstep, out of embarrassment.

Why does okcupid always suggest ludicrously young girls for me? It does the YOU MIGHT LIKE... thing, and I click, and then it's someone so, so young and I think oh god Chris Hansen is coming for me right now and I close my browser in a blind panic. If you are incredibly young, and I viewed you, I am not lasciviously eyeing you up. I'm thinking, do your fucking homework. There is a Bell Biv DeVoe song about this topic that I deeply love called Lovely. If you know it, you might already be a winner of me fancying you.

I spend a lot of time thinking about how to decorate my apartment. I don't want it to look like a sort of nerd temple of virginity, so Star Wars posters and similar are OUT. I have artist friends who I get to make me arty things that are pleasant to look at occasionally, and I'm experimenting with framing vinyl album covers for one wall. If you care about this kind of thing, I can debate for hours which album covers are acceptable wall decoration.

Why don't more films these days have rap songs describing the plot of the film? Talk about a lost art. Message me immediately if you have love in your heart for On Our Own from Ghostbusters 2, Bobby Brown's magnum opus.

Out with my friends, having dinner or at a bar or something like that. American drinks are REALLY strong so I'm usually trying to avoid them without my masculinity being called into question, which is difficult as I also like girly drinks with chocolate or milk in them. I have nothing to prove.

I have a bit of a goth history, that is now mostly concealed by a sensible haircut and no piercings. The only remnants of my goth history are some piercing scars, a fondness for the Sisters of Mercy, and a respectable level of expertise in the field of spotting when people are using myspace angles and photoshop to make themselves seem more attractive.

Whenever I look someone famous up on wikipedia, I look at their personal history section to see if they are happily married. If they have been happily married for 15 years, I feel good. If I see they are onto their third failed marriage, I feel a little disappointed. This is because I have a beautiful dreaming heart.

I am unable to stop myself being insanely attracted to your stupid hipster glasses. I hate myself for it.

...you are really funny, with a dark sense of humour. If you can make me laugh, I will in all likelihood fall in love with you.

...you are really nice.

...you are really clever.

...you have a solid career. Definition flexible.

...you dress well. I'm a grown-up, I like people that dress like grown-ups. Definition flexible.

...you're willing to put your metaphorical money where your mouth is on the "I like nerds" thing.

...you have a thing for English people, but only to the point where it's a vague advantage and not to the point where it becomes creepy and weird. Don't ask me out for tea. People have done it. English people don't go on tea dates. You racist.

You must not have a Skrillex haircut. If you have a Skrillex haircut, I don't trust your ability to make sensible decisions. Also, I'm afraid your name is now Skrillex.