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29 New York, NY Woman


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I’m looking for

  • Men
  • Ages 28–38
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For long-term dating, short-term dating

My details

Last online
Today – 7:48am
5′ 7″ (1.70m)
Body Type
Graduated from university
Sales / Marketing
Doesn’t have kids
Likes dogs and likes cats
English (Fluently), Spanish (Okay)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Hey boy, are you a beaver? Cuz daaaaam.

I'm really get along with. I was born and raised in NYC, but my big smile, hearty laugh, and overall demeanor get me mistaken for a Midwestern transplant all the time. I'm laid back, can't hold a grudge, and only take serious things seriously. I'm quick-witted and quippy, and I guarantee I can make you laugh. My humor is variously silly, sarcastic, dry, deadpan, or filthy.

I get super excited about things that interest me or make me happy. Doctors* have identified this condition as Little-Kid-on-Christmas-Morning Syndrome.

*I use the term "doctors" loosely.

I'm ambitious, adventurous, assertive, articulate, and have an apparent affection for alliteration. I'm an unabashed nerd, and there's little I enjoy more than intellectual stimulation. I'd rather discuss asteroid belts than Hermes belts, and I'm perplexed by people who don't feel the same way. (SCIENCE FACT: If you took all the veins in your body and laid them end to end, you would die.) If you can give me a brain boner, I'll fall in love with you just a little bit.

I work in real estate and find being successful extremely gratifying. I don't mind putting in crazy hours and busting my butt because that keeps my career on a nicely upward-sloping trajectory, and I am never content with coasting.

I'm a morning person. And also an afternoon and evening person. I don't want to veer into saccharine territory, but I think life is pretty damn beautiful. I like wearing dresses and skirts, but I don't do manicures and facials, and I don't care who designed my purse.

My pastimes include almost all athletic activities (except soccer. I stink at soccer. Sorry, Europe), taking long, aimless walks around the city, blissing out to great beats, engaging in friendly debates, and just enjoying the company of good people in any situation or setting.

I don't get into many arguments, but when I do, I find they're best resolved by looking the other person square in the eye and informing them that I only answer to one being: the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

I am politically incorrect, punny, affectionate, low maintenance, confident, hopelessly romantic, and an idealist (but also a realist). When I give my heart, I give it completely.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
selling apartments left and right, trying to remember to stay in touch with friends, embracing my spaz, making balloon animals for convicts
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
singing in the shower, being genuine, turning napkins into confetti, cuddling, smooching, trampolining, being a fox
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
my smile. or maybe my dimples. or maybe my butt chin.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Bibliophile. I have far too many treasured favorites to list.

Looking for someone to help me recreate the lift from Dirty Dancing.

30 Rock, The Daily Show, Last Week Tonight With John Oliver, Inside Amy Schumer, Mr. Robot, and Breaking Bad are some of the shows I heartily enjoy. Side note: There's always money in the banana stand.

Great music from almost any genre brings me tremendous pleasure. It's like....aural sex.

My favorite food is sashimi / all shellfish. Nummy.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
witty banter

my family

good books / good music

spooning and forking

the gym

teh internetz
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Why isn't there a home security company called Sure Lock Homes?

What if soy milk is just regular milk introducing itself in Spanish?

Once you've read the dictionary, is every other book just a remix?
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Recovering from a long work week. If I can muster the energy, out and about with friends, making merry.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Sometimes when I'm in the middle of having sex, I abruptly freeze, not moving a muscle or making a sound. When my partner asks me what I'm doing or if I'm okay, I say, "Hush! I saw this on the internet. It's called buffering."

Also, I am a robot.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You are funny, irreverent, smarter than the average bear, and attracted to women who are charmingly outré. The concept of commitment does not strike fear into your heart. You prefer a woman with muscle tone and T&A over a willowy waif. You don't have any psychiatric issues and aren't going through a quarter-life, one-third-life, or midlife crisis.

To give you more insight into my type (and anti-type), I have been tempted to get business cards printed up that I could hand out to potential suitors. They would read something along the lines of "You are now boarding the crazy train. If you are afraid of or opposed to nonconformism, unfettered freedom of expression, the general disregard of arbitrary societal standards, new experiences, testing limits, being conspicuous, breaking boundaries, and/or seeking joy wherever you can find it, please disembark immediately because you are too small(minded) to ride."

I have my shit together, and I lead a full life. I am not looking for someone to fill a void or act as a life raft. I am looking for a kindhearted, intelligent, open-minded person whose company I enjoy and who makes me want to be a better version of myself.

Addendum Part Deux:
I believe Shakespeare said it best.

Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth’s unknown, although his height be taken
Love’s not Time’s fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle’s compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.