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1handleofmayhem

32 M Milwaukee, WI

My Details

Last Online
Yesterday – 7:36am
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
White
Height
5′ 6″ (1.68m)
Body Type
Fit
Diet
Mostly anything
Smokes
No
Drinks
Socially
Drugs
Religion
Other, and somewhat serious about it
Sign
Aquarius, but it doesn’t matter
Education
Graduated from university
Job
Hospitality
Income
$40,000–$50,000
Relationship Status
Single
Relationship Type
Offspring
Doesn’t have kids, but might want them
Pets
Has dogs and has cats
Speaks
English (Poorly), Italian (Poorly), Spanish (Poorly)

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My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I was sick of seeing generic profiles. Profiles with no character or creativity put into them. So I made this mess as mine. It's a true representation of my personality.

I've actually been dead once, no shit.

I can count to 3 in french, impressive huh?

My favorite Megaman character is Cutsman!!! Cuts, Cuts, Cuts!

I've come to learn there are not a lot of woman who appreciate a short guy. Sorry ladies im Scicilian we are short and tough. Anyway moving along...
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I am a professional chef with 4 years of culinary school and baking done. Certified executive chef. I've cooked across the country and in Europe for a short period of time. I am very passionate about the exploration of food and how humans relate to each other through one of the most universal and common experiences, eating. ( I know there is a lot to be said about the quality of what some people get to eat.)

I enjoy the pursuit of knowledge.

I am bad at following the rules, terrible in fact..
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
staying up way to late
saying what everyone else is thinking

cooking
drumming

hoping some sort of time warp will bring back the Hulk Hogan I remember

lifting heavy things
reading books

constantly surprising people
running with the devil

having super interesting dreams
practicing astral projection

staying current with conspiracy theories
alchemy

Jagermeister shot battle and then possible a hotdog eating contest. ( if you get this reference I want to have your baby) <-- I don't know much about where babies come from.

Looking for LOVE in all the WRONG places, (under bridges, in meth labs, behind old soot covered factories.)

Staring at the stars and wondering what lesson conscience is trying to teach me today.

Laughing my ass off at the Drew Carey episode where they blast
Panama over and over to try and evict him from his house.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I doubt people notice me. If they do maybe whatever weird facial hair I am sporting that week.

My tattered clothes ala Oliver Twist.

The look of disdain on my face.

The fact that I am NOT Abe Vigoda or Falcor from the Never Ending Story, the second which depresses me...
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
I will give a few books, but long winded lists of bands and music isn't my thing. If you really need a synopsis ask. However I have quite an open mind and so my movies, and especially my musical taste are expansive.

House of leaves, 1984, brave new world, Lullaby, Dmt: The Spirit Molecule, Fingerprints of the Gods

Goodfellas, or Orgazmo, ZOMBIES,ZOMBIES, ZOMBIES

any documentry that tells the truth, I cite, The Future of Food. Monsanto = bad bad bad news for every living being ever.

Cartoons of all sorts, i dont discriminate, I am in love with a Sponge named Bob...

Rock, metal, punk, hip hop, trip hop, oldies, newdies ( is that a word yet?), pirate music, terrifying sounds from abandoned hospitals. Really anything with a good vibe.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
My preconceptions being challenged
Information and new ideas

naps!
a stiff drink, maybe an extra dirty martini. If the bar has a Burgertime machine, I may never leave.

my awesome dog
Not stepping on glass for the 3rd time any particular week. yes I think a gypsy cursed me with this.

adventure
drums

Sunshine and fresh air
cooking for family and friends, nothing makes me happier

Faith this world isn't as messed up as so many people think

my preparations for the zombie apocalypse
Someone to talk to

Yeah I know it's more then six, who the hell is ok cupid to limit me???
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
What i would be like if I was a kitty.

Who would win in a fight? Jason Vorhes or Colossus

My experiences in infinite conscience

My social ineptness, especially with the opposite sex

Why I have so much Yakov Smirnoff stuff

Why they didn't make more episodes of Alf, I love that guy!

If my tattoos could talk what would they say to my hair, and what my dog would think of that.

If they made Soylent Green out of the cast of Jersey Shore would it be called Brologna...
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Chewing bubble gum and kicking ass, usually Im all out of bubble gum
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I know the Crypt Keeper.

I swear I wont won't watch an episode with a beardless Riker...

I've been described as "extra medium". No! Not a sexual thing, my t-shirt size.

I shit you not, I am the Hamburglers nephew. This isn't a joke it is totally true. I swear ask me! Ohh and the crypt keeper thing is real too. He is my cousin, seriously..

One time I punched a goose in the bill to protect myself, it was an angry goose.

Im dangerous like a Seal at a Penguin farm, they have those right?

The best i can understand love is this, "When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth."
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 23–40
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
If you believe in the power of love ( thank you Huey!)

If you wanna chat. I'm kinda shy and usually don't send the first message.

You don't mind that I may tell you an odd story, like the time I got into an argument with my shower head in my bath tub.

You also are seeking the best brand of gummy bears, because I really really want to know so i can put them in my talking hole.