It is often said that we all dream of meeting the love of our lives the way it is depicted in most Hollywood movies! You know, the old fashioned ‘organic’ way, like that chance encounter at the bus stop that leads to a long and happy life together. Or finding ourselves standing next to each other in a museum or art gallery admiring the same exhibit and we start talking. Or simultaneously reaching for the same item at the deli counter of the local supermarket when our hands touch and our eyes meet! But, the Hollywood fantasy aside, the chances of actually meeting a truly compatible person that way are horrifically small, so when you think about it, doing it this way actually makes a lot of sense. We all know the qualities we want in the other person, so it's only natural that we write down exactly what we're looking for, put it out there and let the reach, power and population of the internet, do the rest. Who knows? Stranger things have been known to happen. Doesn’t this remind you of those old couples in "When Harry Met Sally"….and the way they all met, and the special bond that kept them together for all that time? If you understand them, then you'll understand what I am looking for! " The Ambassador Hotel in Chicago....Nine extra floors....". Priceless!
Or if you’re a fan of the Simpsons, you might recall Homer's chilli induced hallucination, and his quest for his soulmate. Well, I guess you could say that I'm looking for my Marge! (All other names would be acceptable too).
And to find her, I guess I could simply copy & paste just about any one of the repetitive, mass produced generic profiles found on this site. Then reel out a list of unique qualities that are meant to mark me out from the rest of the crowd, by saying things like "I like to laugh – I love life – I have friends & family – I love food – and love curling up with a DVD and glass of wine!". NOT to confuse me with other mere mortals who obviously hate life, simply love to cry, don’t have any friends or family, and love watching DVDs while standing up and sipping on a cup of tea through a straw!! And whereas a lesser man NEEDS food for their survival, my profile will make it clear that I can actually claim it as a ‘love’…something which I can take or leave, along with my other ‘loves’ of breathing, sleeping, sitting, standing, walking and talking! Put simply, we’re all supposed to love everything – and our glass is always meant to be ‘half full’! Now, tempting as that might be, I think I'll pass! And as for that poor glass, if I ever find it, I'm going to put the damn thing out of its misery once and for all by placing it in a river where it call live out the rest of its life always completely full ! Leave-The-Damn-Glass-Alone!
I mean I really do understand the pressures that are at work here…the need to exaggerate, to create a persona, to sell an image and self-promote…hence the same old tired clichéd nonsense that tries to describe us as a bag of contradictions because someone, somewhere, must once have said that being a mix of contradictions is an attractive trait. WTF ?! The endless "I am this but also that" - "I like this but I like that too" - "nights in & nights out" - "indoorsy & outdoorsy" - "roughing it but also 5 star-ing it" - "muddy boots & heels" - “Olympic athlete & loving cosy nights”. Is this a popularity contest where the winner is handed a partner as a prize? Or are we looking to find someone wonderful to have a lasting relationship with? Profiles which claim to like everything and everyone are patently designed to cast as wide a net as possible, so to speak...to have mass appeal…which is kinda understandable, given this surreal environment….but we can't all be everything to everyone. Whatever happened to "Just be yourself"? That little request pops up again and again in so many profiles, and yet those profiles are the ones in which those same people have felt the need to embellish the truth. I have gone out of my way not to describe myself as an “intelligent, fun loving, attractive, creative, sporty, successful, caring, sharing, loving, thrill seeking, music mad, food loving, book worshipping, globe-trotting, culture vulture” who can’t spell and doesn’t know the difference between your and you’re, there and their, to and too, and of and off! I realise this all sounds rather harsh and critical, and I am sorry. But why pretend? To paraphrase what I read on the profile of a visitor to my page: I would rather be single, alone and happy, than end up sharing a life with someone who isn't right for me and be unhappy! Well done that woman - pity she lives on the other side of the world and is looking for someone local. So if you feel the same, and want to know who I am, what makes me tick and what I want to be when I grow up, then let's meet for a tea/coffee/hot chocolate, or Skype (if you happen to be someone on the other side of the world), and we can find out together 'cos I'd really like to know too! Because when you think about it, we have absolutely no way of knowing whether any of the stuff people write on here is actually true or not, which is why most sensible people prefer to meet in person. That conversation over a coffee or dinner will tell us more about each other than all the 'glass half full' profiles on all the dating websites in all the world! Finding love and just meeting someone normal who has no hidden agendas, shouldn’t be so difficult. But, having said all that, I have read some truly amazing profiles on here so I'm quietly optimistic that my soulmate does exist somewhere in the world, but it’s just a matter of looking. It's that needle-in-a-haystack thing though, isn't it?
Until then, these are good examples of what I am NOT looking for: