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22 M Indianapolis, IN

My Details

Last Online
Today – 12:31pm
6′ 3″ (1.91m)
Body Type
Mostly anything
When drinking
Agnosticism, but not too serious about it
Cancer, but it doesn’t matter
Graduated from university
Relationship Status
Relationship Type
Doesn’t have kids
Likes dogs and likes cats
English (Fluently), Spanish (Poorly)

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My self-summary
Just graduated from IU Bloomington in August. I recently found that I'm moving to Madrid in late August to teach English to Spaniards, and I'm stocking groceries at a Meijer until I leave.

Now that, I've admitted that, the 1% of you still reading can get to know me a little bit!:
I'm currently living with my little sister and her best friend in a house in BFE, East Indianapolis (technically Cumberland, I believe). I'm definitely the real deal holyfield. I like reading, writing, watching movies/tv, puttin' on my mf-in' jams, and other things that basically everyone likes doing. I'm thinks I smartte and I'm usually not an asshole (but everyone is sometimes). I'm also a stone-cold badass--I woulda run the streets with an iron fist had I been born there. The girls that have complimented my penis size were probably just being nice, but I'm pretty sure everyone was satisfied. I'm equally at home dressed as a prep on a golf course or not being in my right mind at a dirty, sweaty, violent metal concert.
What I’m doing with my life
I was a literature major with minors in psychology and classical civilizations: culture & literature... (Why? That's an excellent question. Maybe I subconsciously never wanted a real job?). Now that I've graduated, I'll try and work for a few years before taking a crack at grad school. Unless I take a crack at crack, of course, and then I'll just wind up shaking in an alley.
As long as I get my Visa stuff done and put in the proper work pre-departure, I'll be kickin' it in Spain in what is a soon enough point in time to make me want to shit my pants. I'm so goddamn terrified!
I’m really good at
"Everything! Or, was it nothing? Er, maybe something in between. Hell if I know"
-That was the entirety of what I wrote back when I gave too much of a fuck.

What am I good at?
I'm great at over-analyzing things that no one else thinks are remotely important.
I'm great at making most people laugh, and making the rest of them hate me (though obviously those aren't mutually exclusive).
I was good at making a B on a test for which I should be receiving a low C or D. One of very few school-related skills I developed in college...
It's really not a positive thing, but I'm good at making a girl like me way too much (I don't lie or anything, it's not like I'm trying to make it happen--girls that truly get to know me sometimes tend to get really, really into me and attached for reasons I don't understand--I don't do anything special!). My best guess for the causality of those experiences mostly has to do with a history of many very insecure and lonely females... not that I look for that intentionally whatsoever... okay I'll stop being depressing.
It's also a bit ironic, because I usually make weak ass first impressions. Wait, that wasn't depressing, was it?
The first things people usually notice about me
I like to say very inappropriate things. Sometimes they're witty things, though, I suppose. Sometimes.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Books: Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead; The Sheltering Sky; Absalom, Absalom!; Lonesome Dove; The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (I need to read the sequels!); any play by Euripides--Orestes is my favorite, with Hecuba and Medea following in second and third place, respectively. I agree, I also think it's weird that I have thought about it enough to rank my favorite Euripides plays!

Movies: Dr. Strangelove; Sideways; American Beauty; Swingers; Thank You For Smoking; A Dream of Passion; Black Orpheus; Medea; Pan's Labyrinth; Bladerunner; Alien; Unforgiven; High Plains Drifter; Deer Hunter; American History X; Shawshank Redemption... the Wes Anderson stuff, the Edgar Wright stuff, and most of the Coen Brothers' stuff with a strange exception for thinking O Brother Where Art Thou? is okay but very overrated; let's not forget pretentious foreign films in general... and let's also not forget Tucker & Dale Vs. Evil and John Dies at the End.

Shows: South Park, Seinfeld, Arrested Development, Louie, obviously. I can appreciate true genius when it smacks when in the face; Metalocalypse; Detroit Metal City; Futurama; King of the Hill; Archer; Freaks and Geeks; classic Simpsons; old It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. I'm sure I'd love shows like The Wire, Breaking Bad, The Sopranos, etc., but I didn't have time to get addicted to quality drama shows in college, and I just haven't gotten into anything yet in my post-grad life.

I can't decide if it fits better into 'shows' or 'movies,' but some good stand-up comedy can't be topped. I think the likes of Bill Burr, Louis C.K., and Doug Stanhope are some of the best philosophers of our time. If you think I should be embarrassed by that thought, I'm more than happy for us to mutually find each other unintelligent.

Music: My favorite band is Queens of the Stone Age... I like most rock (The Pixies also deserve a specific shout out); I love 90s hip/hop like Wu-Tang Clan, A Tribe Called Quest, Mobb Deep, Nas; I really love heavy music--especially when it leans towards the progressive side (hail Mastodon!). On that front I am currently getting really into High On Fire. I'd call 80s Pop/New Wave my guilty pleasure, but I'm too busy belting out one-hit-wonders to feel guilty.

Food: I love most of it too much. Italian; Mexican; Thai; breakfast foods; steak; lamb; pork chops... most things (especially if they're slowly killing me more than they are actually giving me nutrition), and I feel giddy just thinking about it. Also booze. In the immortal words of William Murderface, "I'd rather chop off my ding-dong than admit booze ain't food." I'd be a wino if I wasn't too busy loving good beer just a tad more.
The six things I could never do without
Since most people give a smart ass answer or three, I'll first acknowledge that not only do I of course need the basic resources needed for sustaining human life, but that I'm also a privileged baby who wouldn't last if I didn't have every last one of the first world amenities.

-The internet... unfortunately
-Oklahoma Sooners football (both my parents graduated from OU and so while the cool kids were having promiscuous sex in high school, I was off putting all of my passion into OU football... while of course wishing I was having promiscuous sex instead)
-Something/anything to make me laugh
-Women (as opposed to girls). Preferably intelligent ones.
-Physical affection

...not necessarily in that order (in fact, probably not in that order at all).
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Too many things! I really need to think less and just do more things mindlessly. I get all caught up in examining the world and the human race. That's just a depressing activity.
On a typical Friday night I am
Usually working until the late evening, and then being lazy. I work almost every Saturday, so Friday doesn't really hold any particular value to me.

Er, I mean orgies at rich cocaine parties. Yep. That's what I do.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I once shot a man just to watch him die.

What's that? You want me to stop trying too hard to be funny? Okay, well I drool. Only in my sleep, thank goodness, but I really hate it.
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 18–49
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating
You should message me if
you feel like it. Is there another reason to do that? I mean, I'd appreciate if you don't try to sell me something. Unless it's meth or a child-slave.*

*-- I recently realized, if you have any interest in whipping me into shape that works too. That's not a euphemism or anything, but like an exercise friend? Yell at me and tell me to stop being a pussy?
**--I'd also appreciate if anyone wanted to give me Spanish lessons...