I'm new to dating; like, actually new. I'll say dumb things therefore because apparently talking to real people isn't the same as talking to myself.... Baby, you've got to be more discerning.
I enjoy milk dispersing into coffee, history, late nights and good books, tasty food, half-filled notebooks, scarves, anti-bad-spelling-club, mockery, perfect symmetry.
I do not speak as I think, I do not think as I should, and so it all goes on in helpless darkness.
— Franz Kafka
also HAHAHAHAHAHAH what a dork.
I'm thinking of moving to the west coast. Seattle or Portland. Somewhere bike friendly.
Bret Easton Ellis understood. He talked about "my own isolation and alienation at a point in my life. I was living like Patrick Bateman. I was slipping into a consumerist kind of void that was supposed to give me confidence and make me feel good about myself but just made me feel worse and worse and worse about myself"
That's exactly how I was. Isolated. I would buy things and eat nice food in an attempt to fill myself with comfort.
I feel like I'm growing now, but it's mostly stumbling around. I've decided to face reality and live the rest of my 20's properly (in conformity?) and still come away with enough to call it my 20's. Harm reduction?
I should accept the loss of my 18-25 demographic. Move far away and explore. Make a new home in a little apartment. Stay away from university and student housing. Work odd jobs out in the wild. Drop the pretense of academia. Take a break from that which I was never an authentic member of but sorely miss.
I won't be moving until summer's end, but I'm beginning to dread the inescapable shift. I'm sitting here in the fifth floor lounge on one of the new dorms. It's quiet here. I spread my things and play pretend. I'll read into the night as if in a gigantic version of the graduate cubicle that I never had a chance to get. When the young students come in, I'd like to think I'm one of them. I wonder if any of them suspect me for a squatter. Do they sense the incongruity of my demeanor? That apprehensive enthusiasm tourists reek of. Or maybe I just look around too much. I like to take a little glimpse often to reassure myself of where I am. Perhaps its actually the way my face looks every time I do. The abrupt metamorphosis between awe and anguish.
Ok I'll settle for a terrestrial job, my health ain't gettin any better..
I'm studying computer engineering. I want to work at NASA one day and go to space with my Beagle; you can come too :D That's my goal in life.
Talking a LOT.
Sleep & wake marathons.
Godel Escher Bach
This Jealous Earth
Wool (Hugh Howey)
movies I would watch again
2001: A Space Odyssey
Willem Dafoe & Ryan Gosling
Moon, Coriolanus, Robocop 2 please nuke me please, Spirited Away, Melancholia, WALL-E, Safety Not Guaranteed, Survive Style 5+, Forrest Gump, Collateral, Star Wars, The Future, American Psycho, 28 Days Later, The Silence Of The Lambs, Oldboy, Elephant, The Shining
music on rotation:
minecraft all day long.
Taylor Swift better recognize.
That dubstep guy, Tegan and Sara, Rilo Kiley, Janet Jackson/1986, Com Truise, La Roux, Daft Punk, Fleet Foxes, Spoon, The Black Keys, Alabama Shakes, Matt & Kim, alt-J, Feist, Goldfrapp, Royksopp, The Civil Wars, Hot Chip
squid ravioli in a lemon grass broth with goat cheese profiteroles
swordfish meatloaf with onion marmalade
rare roasted partridge breast in raspberry coulis with a sorrel timbale
grilled free-range rabbit with herbed french fries
greens & vinaigrette
smoked salmon; DIY gravlax; salmon anything
eggs & thick cut bacon
new england clam chowder in a bread bowl.
wood-fired brick oven pizza
rosemary-basil tomato soup
Swedish fish is the only candy I ever eat
Campbell's soup in a Can-tainer on a snowy morning school bus ride about 15 years ago.
pen & pad
Mmm. I'd often fantasize about hanging out at a soda shop with a partner and sip on milkshakes and then we'd get into a '65 Thunderbird convertible and roll into a drive-in theater that's already halfway into Star Wars IV. lol.
How to become an astronaut.
It probably has something to do with how I can never settle for what I can do; always bent on ignoring the reality of what I'm actually capable of but instead I'd be looking up at the stars, reminiscing about the sweet sweet Apollo days and how my only victory in life will be to take America back to that kind of glory.
Sideways Stories from Wayside School
I'm bipolar and neurotic, but I'm pretty caring so I guess that makes up for it.
Don't. You're an intelligent and interesting cutie pie. Go find someone tall and dapper.