I used to work as an assistant to famous people. That was horrible. I wanted to be a writer. Now I am a writer and it's only slightly-less horrible. I need an assistant.

I write graphic novels for money and movies for fame.

Escorting a woman in heels. Critiquing pancakes/coffee. Using a deck of cards. Making up a lot of silly, nerdy bullshit for money. Texting.

My suit. (If I am wearing a suit. Otherwise, the fact that I am naked.)

I love sandwiches. And reading books and watching movies. And sleight-of-hand. And karaoke. Surely, I could live without these things, but would life be WORTH living? Also, I really love walking around Los Angeles. Which IS possible. You just need a book.

People never say "goodbye" when they hang up phones on TV and in movies. Seriously, what is up with that? You'd think the actor would just do it out of habit. I think about that all the time. That, and death.

Watching a movie and paying close attention to how characters end their phone-calls. Or out seeing a show.

I was recently listed as one of the top 10 sexiest comic-book-creators of the year. Now, before you go accusing me of humble-bragging, let me assure you, the reality is profoundly more embarrassing than you imagine. The paragraph about me was written in such an unbelievably creepy way (and by a straight man, making it extra-weird) that in some states it would qualify as a sex-crime. It is unlikely I'll ever let you read it. I didn't even tell most of my friends. I don't know why I'm telling you. Don't tell anyone.

you like breakfast for dinner.