People (best friends, my mom, etc.) often say I look like way too much of a “bro” or a “douche” in my pics. I can see that, but you’d probably look like a douche if frequent rips from loaded beer bongs, countless purchases of bedazzled Ed Hardy t’s, and constant slaying of sorority chics defined your early adulthood too. Ha! Ok, little of that is true. Chalk alleged misconception up to poor lighting and bad angles?!? In the world outside of internet dating, I’d like to believe most people enjoy my company. However, an exception to the Law of Relativity douchebagery is not. So if you’re so concerned with upholding an uber cultured and sophisticated image to the point that taking in an occasional TV show is beneath you, or you refer to obscure, deceased authors by their first names only, or the occasional thought of sports doesn't only disinterest you, but actually irritates you, or if your first instinct is to scorn my feigned ignorance rather than laugh over a light-hearted, judgmental joke, I MIGHT be a dbag in your eyes. I’ll live...unless you’re really hot in which case, I take it all back. Crap, was that a douche-y thing to say?

Moving on....

I'm level headed, self aware, relaxed, secure, and assertive, but not aggressive. I like to joke around (See opening. See lots of remaining text [I also like parenthetical asides]). You should too and now that you know a ton about me, let me tell you that I'm a magnet for crazy, unstable individuals. Maybe it’s because I’m so normal, but I have a habit of entering relationships that end in Lifetime-made-for-TV-level drama. You can be as “spontaneous” (although, in girl code, I feel like that’s Step 8 in the 12 step process to achieving “Batshit Crazy” status) as you want, but please be rational. I was a math/physics person in undergrad and grad school and I work in a technical field currently so I’m a little right brain dominant, but I respect a sharp, versatile left brain-er too.

When I was young boy, I dreamt that one day, around the ripe age of 30, I'd join an Internet dating site. I'm now living the dream.

Efficiently loading a dishwasher. Bowling. Skateboarding/Roller Blading (at least I was when i was 14...). Yard work. Ordering Chipotle. Low stakes poker.

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Game of Thrones, Homeland, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Parks and Rec, Community, Chopped, Bitchin Kitchen, House, House of Lies, Shameless, The Wire, Archer, Eastbound and Down. I haven't started it yet, but I need to watch Breaking Bad. **If you list HBO's Entourage as one of your favorite shows, please note that you already have one strike against you**

The Big Lebowski, [insert any of the thousand movies where Denzel plays the same badass character here], Talladega Nights, Fight Club.

Math text books.

I eat EVERYTHING. Mexican,Cuban, and sushi are probably my favorites.

Rap, Electro, House, Transe, 90s alternative.

Composing stupid/funny emails
Golf clubs
Carbs
Naps
Sarcasm
Strenuous physical activities

Stuff outside the box. How I, being relatively physically fit, can injure myself doing the most straightforward of tasks so often. How to draw the acceptance line between "likes cats" and full blown "cat lady." Fantasy sports. How creepy those Barefoot shoes with the toes are (please don't message me if you rock them! K,Thanks.)

In the Command Center

I can't grow facial hair. I can churn out a solid , teenager-esque, sparse stache after a few days, but that's really all i got. People accuse me of shaving my arms all the time. I don't.

You checked off at least one of the following:

You made at least one attempt at a joke in your profile.
You managed to effectively sum up your love of travel in something less than 3 paragraphs. I get it....you love to travel....who doesn't?
You like Curbed, Always Sunny, and Archer. I don't know how we COULDN'T be best friends if that were so.
You have at least one pic that isn't so Instagram-ed, I can barely distinguish you from some faded dude in the back of my dad's hippie, college yearbook (nothing against Instagram...I'm just saying there are other places more suitable for saturation effects...).
You're good with knots.