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29 Emeryville, CA Genderqueer, Bigender

Genderqueer, Bigender

Similar users

I’m looking for

  • Everyone
  • Ages 24–50
  • Located anywhere
  • For new friends, long-term dating

My details

Last online
Yesterday – 10:15pm
Queer, Sapiosexual
Body type
Mostly anything
Cancer, but it doesn’t matter
Working on two-year college
Mostly non-monogamous
Doesn’t have kids, but might want them
Likes dogs
English (Fluently), German (Okay), Spanish (Poorly)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I'm only looking for new people who want to be friends first. If more comes from the friendship, then great, but I'm definitely not searching for hookups or short-lived flings. I'm looking for best friends, not friends with benefits.

I am hella genderqueer, often flamboyant, and often mistaken for a gay male. I usually don't even bother to try flirting with heterosexual women because they typically just end up confused. If you're straight and interested in me, don't be shy about writing me first because odds are that I'm not going to try to write to you first, no matter how awesome I think you are.

Besides, my biggest crushes are typically on women who end up being lesbians and who thus have no desire to be sexual or romantic with me. [Insert sad trombone here.] If you are a straight girl though, please don't let that discourage you from striking up a conversation with me. I also tend to be attracted to effeminate men, and other genderqueer folk.

I'm very empathic and pragmatic, but not without a weird playful side. I'm a cuddler, a writer, a painter, an agnostic Unitarian Universalist, liberal on most political subjects, extroverted in the Summer, and introverted in the Winter.

I ride my bicycle everywhere, and I do all my own bike maintenance.

I'm a total sucker for selfless do-gooders.

When I want to be social, I often like to go out dancing or to karaoke at a bar, but nothing beats a house party. Then again, sometimes a quiet evening in with friends is exactly what I need.

When I don't want to be particularly social, you can find me either reading a book, playing on my computer, bingeing on a TV series, or submitting to my studies.

The struggle to determine my own gender identity was a long and arduous task, which has made it a large part of who I am. When I was in my mid-teens, I thought I surely must have been transgender because it was the closest thing I knew of to describe myself, even though it never quite fit. I was rarely the most feminine person in a room, but I was never as butch as the boys. In my early 20's, the idea of genderqueer was presented to me, it stuck instantly, and I've identified with it ever since. Today, I specifically call myself intergender because I generally feel about 50/50 masculine to feminine.

I once set my OkC account to "include me in searches for women," and left it that way overnight. When I woke up in the morning, I had over forty quickmatch alerts, all from straight men who very obviously just clicked the star-button without glancing at so much as my photos, let alone my profile. It baffles me that any women take this site seriously.

I'm mostly non-monogamous, but I'd consider monogamy for somebody who was really special; head over heels kind of special. Like I started off with: Let's be friends first, and see where that leads.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Currently working on getting my undergraduate degree, at community college. I'm almost done with the two year thing, and am not sure if I want to transfer right away, or take half a year off.

My ultimate career goal is to be an educator for teens or preteens. I was trying rather relentlessly to find a job that will help me eventually become a sex educator, but it has proven extremely difficult to get that path started. I'm currently giving thought to special education, or maybe history. The need to reflect on a career shift is part of the reason I desire a pause in my education. I definitely want to teach though.

My philosophy for life is that if you can make other people's lives better, your own will be entirely worth it. When I'm 70, I want to be able to look back at what I've done, at the people I've helped, and feel pride.

Since I started school, I have been biking almost everywhere. My bicycle is a source of meditation and joy for me, as well as providing transportation. I'll never go back to driving a car every day, if I can help it.

Relatedly, government grants alone do not pay the rent, and so I do the Postmates thing. It's not the greatest, but I do enjoy biking.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
... Bicycle maintenance and repair, as well as working with my hands in a variety of other ways.

... Writing at length, with style.

... Detail cleaning.

... Mimicking accents. Give me a week in someplace new, and I'll start to fool the locals into thinking I'm one of them without even really meaning to.

... Saving money by being thrifty, which is rather ironic considering how much I hate our monetary system.

... Explaining fun facts about sex which you may have been unaware of. Unless you're as much of a sex geek as I am, what you don't know may surprise you.

I love to sing and dance. I'm pretty good at both, or so they tell me. I really enjoy going out to dance at clubs, especially the East Bay queer ones. I've also recently discovered the joys of social dances, like contra.

I'm really good at starting conversations, and at breathing new life in to group discussions once they get stale. I'm kind of bad at participating in group discussions though, although I try. I'm strange like this. Relatedly, I'm also rather fearless when it comes to talking to strangers, especially if they're cute.

I enjoy paying attention to politics and occasionally getting pissed off at our government. I read (and very occasionally watch) the news habitually, on a near daily basis. My goto sources for news are RT, Al Jazeera, Reporters Without Borders, Ben Swann, and lately The Guardian.

I have NEVER lost a best two-out-of-three thumb wrestling match. I used to challenge everyone I met, but winning got boring (this was back in my teens). If you think you can beat me, I'll welcome your contest, but I am totally, 100% serious about never having lost before. Relatedly: I have very flexible thumbs.

People tell me that my handwriting is gorgeous. I'm not sure that beautiful handwriting is any more a practical skill than thumb wrestling is, but it's something I do.

And cooking! Not something I do every day, but it's certainly my most practical skill. I know my way around a spice rack pretty darn well, or at least I like to think so. Usually when I cook, it's a soup or sauce, and it's almost always vegetarian or vegan. I'm not a vegetarian myself, just health conscious.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Usually, the very first thing that people notice about me is that I'm wearing rather femme makeup. If my hair is down, I receive frequent remarks about how long and beautiful it is.

Also, I'm a rather snazzy dresser. I frequently receive compliments on my outfits, mostly from friends I already know. Sometimes, I have to make a conscious effort to dress down because, even though my everyday style is very flamboyant, on first meetings/dates it has a tendency to come across as trying too hard. All of my clothing comes from thrift stores; it's been many years since I bought anything brand new, aside from shoes and underwear.

Lots of people initially tend to assume that I'm a gay male. Sometimes I correct them, sometimes I just roll with it. Straight cis-girls treat me very differently when they assume I'm gay, and it's kind of fun. I do not intentionally deceive people, I just let them form their own opinions, and I definitely do not use this power to try and sneak into straight girls' pants -- that plan would never work anyway.

Besides the physical, people also notice that I have a lot of courage, often peculiarly accompanied by a difficulty in speaking up. I find it incredibly easy to get on stage, or to just walk up to strangers and attempt to start conversations, but I don't always have the easiest time chiming in on ongoing conversations. Just one of the many ways in which I am an oddball.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
I feel that I should tell you that even though I'm cooperating, and making these lists, this is the one section that I always skip over when I first read somebody's profile, and I'm likely to not update this part of my own profile very often. I'm 100% confident that I can be friends, or even lovers, with somebody who has different tastes in entertainment, sources of knowledge, and cuisine than I do.

(Books) Hitchhiker's Guide "Trilogy," Celestine Prophecy, Catcher in the Rye, Mysterious Stranger, Brave New World, most things by Hunter S Thompson

(Movies) Black Dynamite, Moulin Rouge, The Matrix, Harold and Maude, Benny and Joone, Fantastic Planet, Headwig and the Angry Inch, anything directed by Danny Boyle or Steven Spielberg, and I'm always down for a documentary

(Music) Atmosphere, All Good Funk Alliance, The Handsome Boy Modeling School, Hilltop Hoods, MGMT, Gnarls Barkley, Ronald Jenkees, Ratatat, a lot of 90's pop-rock, and my favorite album of all time is Gordon by the Barenaked Ladies (way better than their later stuff)

(Food) Pesto, pizza, golden delicious apples, most things Indian/Pakistani, cheese, and an assortment of hot sauces.

(Radio/Podcast) This American Life, A Prairie Home Companion, Wait Wait Don't Tell Me, Car Talk

(TV) The Newsroom, MASH, 30 Rock, Futurama, South Park, This American Life (TAL was short lived on TV, but episode one of season two is my favorite episode of anything, ever. It's on Netflix, but I must warn you that you might cry tears of saddness, and laugh for joy at the same time. It's a real emotional rollercoaster.), The Daily Show, NOVA
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
• First and foremost: Good friends
• Long distance communication (either a phone, internet access, or even just good old fashioned letter writing; I'd feel lost without at least one of these things)
• Nature (as in going out and experiencing it)
• A thesaurus (A dictionary almost made the list, but I use a thesaurus far more often.)
• Love (platonic, romantic, or both)
• Learning
• I've been riding my bicycle everywhere for the past two years, and now I want to add it to this list but I also don't want to take anything else off. I love my bike not only because it gets me around town inexpensively, but also because the exercise has done wonders for my mood. I'm a much happier person when I'm riding my bike everyday.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
...How to be the best me I can be. I strive to be the kind of person I would most like to meet.

...Racism, classism, sexism, a bunch of other negative -isms, rape, and how I might be able to help rid the world of them.

...Privilege, both my own and of others.

...The world. The human race is in more trouble than we've ever been in before. Fascism is vast in Asia, Africa, and South America, and is spreading in the western world much faster than most people realize, or would like to admit. The Midwest, where I come from, is in a horrid police state; Having escaped it by moving to San Francisco is a welcome relief, although it slowly seems to be spreading out here as well.

...Relationships, whether they be platonic, sexual, or romantic. I try to stay friends with almost everyone I know, which is often difficult. My mind is full of drama.

...Sex. I think about sex alot, and not just me having sex. I think about the power that sex has over most people, about how not nearly enough is done to educate youth about everything they should know about sex, and about how so many adults don't know everything they should about it either. I ponder how the relationships I have with my friends would be different if we had slept together at some point, or if we'd never slept together. But also, my sex drive is rather insatiable, so I do often think about myself having sex.

I sometimes dream of being a housewife, in a very classic sense, although I don't expect I ever will be. If I ever find somebody to raise children with, I want to be anything but the stereotypical modern father who leaves a majority of the childrearing to the other parent, despite the fact that both parents might work equal hours in jobs outside the home.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
I don't like the way OkC phrased this question because my last couple of jobs often had me working on Friday nights. Instead of telling you what I do on Fridays, I'll just tell you what I like to do in my free time.

About half the time, I like to spend my time off by myself, but the other half requires other people; I crave regular social interaction and alone time in balanced amounts.

I love to go out, and meet new people. I'm down for a noisy bar or club, but only if it also involves dancing. If there's no dancing, I prefer a quieter place where people can hear each other when they talk. I also thoroughly enjoy drag shows (I really like drag kings), burlesque, and karaoke. Game nights are definitely my cup of tea as well.

I tend to go through phases of attending BDSM clubs, but only the safe ones which both have rules, and enforce them; this limits me to a select few, and that's okay.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I'm pretty open. Here are some strange and/or embarrassing things about me:

I have a lot of trouble relating to cis-males. The kinder, gentler, less sporty ones make this easier though.

I'm horrible at snapping my fingers. I don't think I've ever been able to get it quite right.

I don't like Disney Land. Perhaps it's because I didn't grow up with it, but that place actually kind of creeps me out -- the consumer commercialism of it gives me the heebie-jeebies.

I fantasize about being a housespouse (i.e. a housewife) and raising a family, but seriously doubt that it will ever come to fruition.

Yes, I'm always this weird, even when there's nobody around to see it.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
... if you think there's a possibility of us becoming BFF's.

... if you are really into femme people with penises who are comfortable keeping their penises.

... if you're straight and have really enjoyed reading my profile because I probably won't even try writing to you first if I see that you've labeled yourself as straight, even if I am interested.

... if you are passionate advocate of feminism and anti-racism.

... if you got giddy with excitement when you first heard that Neil deGrasse Tyson was remaking and updating Carl Sagan's Cosmos.

... if you are looking for something other than a fuck-buddy. This could be either a romantic or platonic relationship, but I'm so very tired of fuck-buddies. I am only interested in forming new personal relationships which involve the potential for a certain level of depth, and are not based around sex.

... if you feel that your purpose on this Earth is to make it a better place, and not just to hedonistically enjoy as much as possible. It's important to embrace a certain level of pleasure in your everyday life, but I'm not interested in talking to people who view it as their only or primary goal.

... if you are intergender, genderqueer, genderfluid, or identify as any other kind of non-binary gender. I tend to get along with these people and lesbians the very best.

... if you are looking for a painting buddy. I keep meaning to take out my oils and paint, and I think I'd have an easier time of it if I had a friend with whom to hang out with while making art.

... if you will let me be the little/inside spoon, despite the fact that I'm six feet tall.

... if you are new in The Bay, and want suggestions for things to do in the queer or kinky communities. I have gained a lot of insight into both since I've been here. We don't even have to hang out; I will willingly volunteer this information to you over email because I sympathize with being new in town.

... if you want to attempt the list of thirty-six questions with me, which supposedly all but guarantee that two strangers asking them of each other will fall in love.

I am interested in people who would rather go on a picnic, on a warm, sunny day with their best friend than receive the most expensive gift in the world. You cannot buy happiness.