If you list yourself as either a straight or gay female, I will most likely assume that there's no chance you could ever be sexually or romantically attracted to me, unless you drop a hint as to otherwise. If you're one of these people, and I give you a high star rating, that's my little way of asking if there's any possible way you might be interested. Over the past decade, I have dated only one person who identifies as straight -- the vast majority of people interested in me are either bi- or pansexual females and genderqueers. More on this later.
Besides the genderqueer label, I specifically identify as intergender, and I prefer that people use neutral pronouns (they, zi, etc.) in reference to myself. If I’d been born with XX chromosomes, most people would refer to me as a tomboy. Basically, I feel about 50/50 butch/femme; male/female at any given time. Some days, I may be a little more one way or the other, but typically I am right down the middle. If you're curious but not entirely sure if you'd like to date somebody like me, you can still write to me under the guise of friendship, and I won't hold it against you. I'm always looking for new friends anyway.
As a result of this abnormal identity that I hold, I switch my label on OkCupid between male and female, on an infrequent basis. When I am listed as male, I also label myself as bisexual. When I place an F next to my name and age, I also change my sexuality to gay so that I might avoid a majority of the creepy straight bros’ disgusting one-liners. Too many of those douchebags don't bother to read profiles, and it has always been more annoying than funny.
While I love who I am, and I would never want to trade it for anything else (unless they figure out a way for MTFs to give birth - then I would want to transition), it does make my dating life difficult. In general, I am too femme for most straight women to be interested in (many tend to assume that I am gay when they first meet me), and I have the wrong genitals to be desired by lesbians (most of my close friends are gay chicks), which only leaves me bisexual and pansexual people to date. Occasionally, a male-bodied person will catch my eye, but they have to be very femme. I am not attracted to hyper-masculine people of any gender identity or physical sex.
Fortunately for me, I find it more desirable to have several close platonic friends rather than a few temporary sex partners. I always want to be friends before being lovers. Although I have slept around plenty, I grew sick of short-lived relationships a long time ago. These days, I want to concentrate the majority of my social energy on lasting relationships.
Gone are the days when I would flirt relentlessly. Past are the times that I would hook up with people I barely knew. I admit, I used to be quite the slut, but I feel very strongly that era of my life has passed. I am now at a point in which I cannot have sex with anyone solely because I find them to be physically attractive. These days, I'd rather be alone than settle, I am searching for something more, and only searching for what is known as ‘secondary attraction.’ I am almost a demisexual, except that I still recognize primary attraction; I just try my best to ignore it. If you are feeling rather clueless right now, this link will probably help. http://www.asexuality.org/wiki/index.php?title=Demisexual
When I have found solid, romantic relationships in the past, they have been of a wide variety. I have successfully done both monogamous, and open relationships for extended periods of time, but I don’t think I could ever be polyamorous. When I fall for someone, my most positive, passionate, and deepest emotions tend to result from that one relationship. It is just the way I am.
Sexually, I can be rather kinky, but I also find nothing wrong with vanilla sex. My kinky side is very much a switch, and I will never settle on being entirely dominant or submissive. Finding a long-term partner who is just as much of a switch as I am is a fantasy of mine, but you shouldn't worry about it if you are not, or if you're not particularly kinky; other things take a higher priority in my search for companionship.
If you noticed my mention of being an agnostic Unitarian Universalist, and are wondering how somebody can have both a religion and be agnostic, allow me to explain. To be a UU, one is allowed to believe whatever they so choose, so long as they respect everybody else’s right to believe whatever it is they want, so long as they have respect for nature and the planet, have faith in the democratic process, and are always looking and willing to learn. Half of us do not believe in any deity. Personally, I tend not to believe anything without some empirical data, and am not sure either way on the whole god issue, which is why I consider myself to be agnostic. Did I also mention that I am highly pragmatic? My pragmatism really shines through in my spiritual beliefs.
I have never been very keen on any sort of astrology, but for some reason a lot of people around here seem to put faith in the Greek brand. So for anyone who cares, I am a Cancer-Leo cusp. I was born at 10AM, on July 21st, just two hours from the cusp line. Some of my friends claim they can totally see the impact this has had on my personality, and they seem to think this makes me extra awesome. Even though I am not a believer, I don’t hold this against them.
I am a genuine ambivert. Some days I crave social interaction, and will go out for a night on the town by myself, with the intention of meeting strangers and making new friends, if I haven't found anyone to go with me. Other days, I shut myself in my room, limiting my social interactions to my housemates and people on the Internet. I often prefer to express myself in writing rather than verbally, but I generally do not have a fear of starting conversations with strangers at parties, which only takes a minuscule amount of energy from me. Getting up on stage is no big deal for me either, no matter the size of the audience. However, in group discussions I tend to be more reserved, often preferring to let others do the talking.
I am absolutely sick of reading profiles which say something along the lines of, "I like to laugh, and have a good time." Really??? That's amazing! Thank you for telling me that because otherwise I might have assumed that you WEREN'T like 99.99% of the rest of humanity in that regard.
Occasionally, I can be rather sarcastic. Not frequently, but occasionally.
If you expect that I will be to the one to write you first because I have a Y chromosome, think again. I will sometimes write the first message, but people with the courage to write to me first instantly earn a certain level of admiration from me. (Cheap, one or two line emails don't count towards that admiration.)