Unlike those of you who never imagined being on an online dating
site, I've dreamed of this moment since I was a young boy. That
makes me a visionary because the internet wasn't really around back
then. I could tell you that I like to "work hard and play hard",
but to be quite honest, I work best flaccid. I'm into originality,
people who get it, good music, tv, and entertainment, and some good
old fashioned tom foolery. I'm also a sucker for the Whole Foods'
salad bar. If any of that sounds appealing to you, hit me up, but
don't be too aggressive. I'm not afraid to slap an online
restraining order on you.
What I’m doing with my life
I'm a fortune cookie writer. It's a tough job, but someone has to
I’m really good at
Filling out online questionnaires. I mean, are you reading this?
It's f'in fantastic.
The first things people usually notice about me
That I'm tall, have all my teeth, and have one helluva head of hair. Either that or my bedazzled jeans and the fact that I'm taking a shirtless selfie in the mirror.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
I love to read but am really bad with favorites.
Movies: Karate Kid, Goonies, Old School, Three Amigos, Cable Guy,
Stepbrothers, Shawshank, Anchorman
TV: Curb, Eastbound and Down, random Food Network shows, ESPN
The six things I could never do without
3.my Bugle Boys
4.beard trimmer (I don't want to look like Tom Hanks in Cast
6.sense of humor
I spend a lot of time thinking about
When it became so in vogue for women to post pictures of themselves
wearing fake mustaches, shootings guns, and jumping in the air on
OKCupid (not all at the same time, but if someone did all of that
at once, they'd be pretty badass). Update: a new trend in women's
profile pics is yoga poses in public places. Congrats, ladies! That
warrior pose at the beach is a winner.
If there's such thing as love at first click.
On a typical Friday night I am
Practicing the lambada
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
A.I drank gasoline when I was four.
2.I've never seen Top Gun. I'm saving it for marriage.
You should message me if
You're looking for a man who was voted to People Magazine's top 100 internet bachelors in 2004. But in all seriousness, I'm looking for a keeper...a Trapper Keeper. They're hard to find these days, and I'd prefer one with a Ferrari or unicorn on the front. Also, please do NOT hit me up if you're looking for casual sex. All of my sex is at least semi-formal, like in prom attire.