My first glimpse into BDSM world occurred when I was in college and stumbled upon Anne Rice’s ‘Sleeping Beauty’ series. Since I loved her vampire novels I picked up the first one without really understanding what it was really about and it opened my eyes to things I hadn’t ever given a moment’s thought to. I imagine that many of you have read the series and might know what I mean.
Over the years I researched & fantasized more & more (the arrival of the internet helped) while also reading novels like ‘The Story of O’ and ‘Exit to Eden’, books so prominent they could almost be considered mainstream.
I incorporated aspects of the lifestyle into my relationships but was also wary about pushing too far, scaring her off. Spanking is barely considered kinky these days so that sometimes worked out but I also increasingly found myself increasingly unsatisfied.
My first “real” and prolonged experience with a power exchange happened when I became involved with a woman 21 years my senior. She was both nurturing & kind but also firm, both loving and mildly sadistic at the same time. Her dominance was one that I responded to very well, probably in part because I liked and respected her in addition to the Dominant/Submissive dynamic.
She eventually moved out of the area due to work but we’re still friends and keep in touch, I’ll always be grateful to her for teaching me so much in such a affectionate way.
Since then I've been exclusively dominant in my relationships but I'm open to whichever dynamic feels natural.
I’m a fairly positive person and that’s reflected in both my disposition and the areas of the lifestyle that appeal to me. I love spanking but I’m not a sadomasochist or a masochist, the appeal for me is in the submission, the exposure; I have no interest in inflicting heavy pain and I'd be a poor match for a sub who needs intense impact play. I also like affection and enjoy holding and caressing in addition to spanking.
If your primary focus is on intense pain or heavy humiliation we'd be a poor romantic match. There are natural elements of power exchanges that inevitably lead to humiliation but name calling and cruelty are not ones I'm comfortable with.