My first glimpse into BDSM world occurred when I was in college and stumbled upon Anne Rice’s ‘Sleeping Beauty’ series. Since I loved her vampire novels I picked up the first one without understanding what it was really about and it opened my eyes to things I hadn’t ever given a moment’s thought to. I imagine that many of you have read the series and might know what I mean.
Over the years I researched and fantasized more & more (the arrival of the internet helped) while also reading novels like ‘The Story of O’ and ‘Exit to Eden’, books so prominent they could almost be considered mainstream.
At the time I incorporated aspects of the lifestyle into my relationships but was also wary about pushing too far, scaring her off. Spanking is barely considered kinky these days so that sometimes worked out but I also found myself increasingly unsatisfied.
My first “real” and prolonged experience with a power exchange happened when I became involved with a woman 21 years my senior. She was both nurturing and kind but also firm, both loving and mildly sadistic at the same time. Her dominance was one that I responded to very well, probably in part because I liked and respected her in addition to the Dominant/Submissive dynamic.
She eventually moved out of the area due to work but we’re still friends and keep in touch, I’ll always be grateful to her for teaching me so much in such a affectionate way.
Since then I've been exclusively dominant in my relationships but I'm open to whichever dynamic feels natural.
I’m a fairly positive person and that’s reflected in both my disposition and the areas of the lifestyle that appeal to me. I love spanking but I’m not a sadomasochist or a masochist, the appeal for me is in the submission, the exposure; I have no interest in inflicting heavy pain and I'm a poor match for a sub who needs intense impact play. I also like affection and enjoy holding and caressing in addition to spanking.
If your primary focus is on intense pain or heavy humiliation we'll be a poor romantic match. There are natural elements of power exchanges that inevitably lead to humiliation but name calling and cruelty are not ones I enjoy.
On a side note, I am not a chauvinist and in fact consider myself a feminist. I don't feel that power exchanges should be based on gender and instead are based on the preferences and comfort levels of the people involved.
On the non-kink front:
I'm pleasant, funny, easy to get along with and well read (along with very modest!) and I'd like to find a primary but non-traditional relationship. I want to build trust and share the jokes and experiences that only develop over time. At the same time I consider myself monogamish and believe that any healthy relationship has a certain amount of openness attached. Honesty is something I prize considering that lying & sneakiness leaves everybody involved feeling bad and I want you to feel that you can tell me anything without being judged.
I enjoy drinks with friends at least weekly and I'm fortunate to have so many longtime friends and family still in the area. Politically I'm very liberal and would be a poor match for a conservative. I play on a softball team once a week and while I wouldn't consider myself a star athlete I am somewhat athletic. Love long walks around town and at the same time have zero interest in hiking.