First of all: I am tired. I am true of heart! And also: You are tired. You are true of heart!

Caution: If you are reading this while standing, please avoid locking your knees. On the off chance I get your heart pumping, the extra (restricted) blood flow may cause you to become light-headed and to faint.

Oh, hello. I didn't see you come in. (Mostly because there are no doors on the Internet. Only windows. Eight. Windows 8. Did you get that joke yet?)

I will not bullshit you. If I am any kind of man, it is a gentleman. I am a reasonable, thought-provoking adult. I don't have time for that.

My friends call me 'One Speed' Drew. You guessed it, because I only have one speed.

I don't want to fuck you just as much as you don't want to fuck me, probably.

For you, I'll make about as much sense as a student crumbling up a piece of paper with "Can I have a piece of paper?" written on it, and then throwing it to an adjacent student. My body language, insatiability, sarcastic tone used with a medium-toned voice, and the fact that I don't show visible facial excitement (when legitimately excited, non-posed) is just part of who I am.

On the contrary, however, I will entertain you. Or I won't. You will not be entertained. Do not even try. You won't. We'll get along fine, you and I.

I'm a sinner. I'm a saint. I'm a soldier. I'm a lover. I'm a son. I'm a brother. I'm a man. I'm a beacon. A beacon of youth. (Isn't it beautiful?) I define the line.

I am nocturnal. I crave the sun. I miss a couple hours here or there. A blink, really. Or rather a wink ... of sleep.

Breaking traditional gender roles in the medical field since 2011! Take that, society!

Besides that? I'm also a Combat Medic with the rank of E-4/Specialist in the Army National Guard. Taking temperatures and saving lives, no big deal. (Just kidding. Kind of. I do take a lot of temperatures.)

Also, I donate my semen like once a week. Narcissism, huzzah!

Referencing obscure, low culture things.
Eating family serving sizes by myself.
Making lame jokes.
Loving you. It's easy 'cause you're beautiful.
Giving approximately zero fucks, maybe less.
Powerleveling Skyrim characters.
Running two mile increments.
Not being a pervert.
Learning quickly. Or quickly learning.
Being an Internet tough kid.
Maintaining a "farmer's tan".
Being able to sleep with my closet door open.
Spooning, mostly with lazy animals.
Defeating every Zubat I run into at Mt. Moon.
Anything with hand-eye coordination.
Manual labor.
Being brutally honest.
Watching science fiction and being giddy like a school girl.
I also make a pretty damn good bed. Those sheets be TIGHT!

That I'm usually laughing. Just a big ol' grin on this face. Why? Why smile? Because life. Music. Movies. Art. Sex. Food. Nature. And life. (Redundant?) I enjoy smiling at strangers, and often times this makes them uncomfortable. "What are you doing, Satan? Our contract wasn't up for another fifteen years!" (Side note: I'm often times confused with Satan. Another side note: I am lying.)

I'm like ... all German. Aryan, baby. PC master race. If you don't get this joke, I am too nerdy for you, probably. But maybe I'm cute so that makes up for it?

My eyelashes are really long, too. And I am surprisingly athletic even though I never workout. Like a black man! :D (OK, leave me alone, that was rude I know. Geez.)

My arms, good for holding things.

This is just a sample of my interests, as there are far too many to name.

Movies - Inception Fight Club Sunshine Serenity The Fifth Element Little Shop of Horrors Kick-Ass Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind Super I Love You, Man God Bless America Where the Wild Things Are The Strangers The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo Trilogy The Dark Knight Trilogy Star Wars Saga The Thing Lord of the Rings Trilogy The Wedding Singer V for Vendetta The Watchmen The Truman Show Requiem for a Dream Memento Trainspotting Rocky Horror The Hills Have Eyes Anchorman Airplane Monty Python and the Holy Grail The Nightmare Before Christmas A Fish Called Wanda The Life of Brian The Shawshank Redemption Pulp Fiction Schindler's List The Matrix, not necessarily the Trilogy Forrest Gump Se7en Casablanca The Usual Suspects American Psycho It's a Wonderful Life American History X Dr. Strangelove Saving Private Ryan Spirited Away Citizen Kane The Departed The Blues Brothers Life is Beautiful A Clockwork Orange The Green Mile Singin' in the Rain Amadeus The Raid: Redemption Metropolis Fargo Sin City St. Elmo's Fire Both Kill Bills Good Will Hunting Donnie Darko Twelve Monkeys The Princess Bride Can't Buy Me Love District 9 The Breakfast Club A Beautiful Mind Shutter Island Let The Right One In Big Fish Mean Streets Reservoir Dogs Evil Dead Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas Fanboys Clerks Being John Malkovich Grosse Point Blank Dazed and Confused Pitch Black/Chronicles of Riddick The X-Files filmsGhost Dog: Way of the Samurai
Note: Some of my guilty pleasures (although I feel no guilt) include b-rated horror flicks, cheesy science fiction, musicals, and Disney/Pixar movies. Most of these, however, are older and most people take no interest ... but if you do, then feel free to ask for a list in a message!

Television - Samurai Jack Angel Mystery Science Theater 3000 It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia Rocket Power Aaaah!! Real Monsters Louie Hey Arnold! Scrubs Firefly Dexter Dollhouse The IT Crowd Arrested Development Archer Parks and Recreation Psych Dead Like Me The X-Files (especially Smoking Man episodes) The Twilight Zone Battlestar Galactica Doctor Who Rocko's Modern Life Breaking Bad Invader Zim The Daily Show The Colbert Report How I Met Your Mother Doug The Office Futurama American Dad Game of Thrones The Newsroom Workaholics Wilfred Death Note Fullmetal Alchemist

Music - Led Zeppelin The Doors Blessthefall Underoath The Kooks Frank Sinatra A Day to Remember Escape the Fate The Devil Wears Prada The Black Keys The Strokes The White Stripes Radiohead August Burns Red Say Anything The Smiths The Used BB King The Fratellis We Are Scientists Cage the Elephant The Decemberists The Arcade Fire Blink-182 Johnny Cash Coheed and Cambria Taking Back Sunday Modest Mouse Brand New Death Cab for Cutie Nat King Cole As I Lay Dying The Killers Red Hot Chili Peppers Of Mice and Men The Arctic Monkeys Dean Martin Simon and Garfunkel Head Automatica The Ting Tings Yeah Yeah Yeahs Mumford and Sons The Smiths New Found Glory The Pixies Anberlin Jimmy Eat World Sugarcult The Kooks Hall and Oates

Books - Blood Music The Hobbit King Lear Eon 1984 I Am Legend Lord of the Rings Dante's Inferno/Paradise Choke Fahrenheit 451 A Song of Ice and Fire A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius Fight Club Harry Potter American Psycho Faust A Clockwork Orange Fight Club Don Quixote The Sound and the Fury And Then There Were None The Very Hungry Caterpillar Dorian Gray Dune A Brief History of Time Catch-22 The Great Gatsby Deliverance Go Ask Alice Invisible Man Less Than Zero Running With Scissors The Road Trainspotting White Noise Helter Skelter
I enjoy dystopians.

Video Games - Bioshock Bioshock 2 Bioshock Infinite ... everything else is just for fun.

I could not live without humor.
I should not live without peace of mind.
I would not live without compassion.
I cannot live without trust.
I will not live without wit.
I am living without love.

New Arrested Development episodes on Netflix.

The ending to Bioshock Infinite.

Also, how I'm going to be a Dr. Seuss-type writer of adult erotica poems. (I.E. - Fifty Shades of Green Eggs and Ham.)

How Bruno Mars may have songs about woman idolization, extreme masochism, improper morphine use, getting laid for the first time in awhile, and commercial romance ... but man can he sound good while doing it!

Why people can be happy over simple things, but nobody can simply be happy.

In no particular order:
-I'm probably working.
-I'm probably reading.
-I'm probably listening to music.
-I'm probably watching reruns.
-I'm probably catching up on new episodes because all I watch are reruns.
-I'm probably masturbating in the shower and saying I took so long because I was "shaving", and then actually shaving so it looks like I wasn't lying.
-I'm probably drinking water.
-I'm probably educating today's youth in ass-kicking.
-I'm probably attending some performance of sorts.

I often sing the lyrics to Tin Pan Alley's "Hello! Ma Baby" as performed by Michigan J. Frog on Looney Tunes, among other things. (Like Clay Aiken's "Invisible".)

I'm a grow-er, not a show-er.

I rape and/or murder as many people as I want to each year: zero.

One of the scariest movies, I think, is the Mothman Prophecies.

You appreciate bass and drums. You've defeated the Elite Four with Raticate. You enjoy bouts of love-making at midnight. You cross the line. You took at least three minutes to read my intensely dry profile. (If you're that far in, why not send some piece or peace of mind?) You enjoy the rain. You drink tea, or shave with a straight razor. You wear sundresses. You're not afraid to go new places, or letting me take you there. You are a human, whom upon further inquiry, just needs someone to talk to while you're down on your luck.

Well, blee-dee-dee-blee-dee, that's all, folks!