I'm smart, funny, and slightly sarcastic, but I'm also polite and a gentleman. If I'm comfortable with you, expect some teasing about nothing too personal, and also expect a willingness to have a good time and stay up past a respectable bedtime. I am not a morning person.

I'm opinionated and knowledgeable about a great number of trivial matters, such as driving habits, instant replay in football, and cell phone usage. For larger issues, like Life, the Universe and Everything, I find listening to the opinions of others more enjoyable than prattling on about the way I see them.

I'm a huge fan of comedy and I aspire to be as witty (or crass, if necessary) as my favorite comedians and writers. I'm always looking for a humorous take on any situation. I also like a good pun.

I have been working at the same company for a dozen years. They treat me pretty well, but since I have little basis for comparison, I suppose I could be doing equally better or worse in my career. My worst trait is that I have yet to find something to do with my life that I am truly passionate about. However, my best trait is that I can adapt to my situation and make myself useful. Someone who can roll with the punches is always an asset. My job does not define me.

Noting small details. Have you ever ridden on the Interstate with someone and made a joke about one of the billboards only to find the other person have no idea what you're referencing? Welcome to my world.

The glorious mustache and beard.

Books: The Dangerous Lives of Altar Boys by Chris Fuhrman, The Dark Half by Stephen King (yeah, really), Altered Carbon by Richard K. Morgan, Pop. 1280 by Jim Thompson.
I am currently reading: Those Guys Have All the Fun by James Andrew Miller and Tom Shales; Dune Messiah by Frank Herbert, John Dies at the End by David Wong. Also listening to Equal Rites by Terry Pratchett on mp3.

Movies: Miller's Crossing, The Good The Bad & the Ugly, Groundhog Day, The Manchurian Candidate, A Christmas Story, Bringing Up Baby, Double Indemnity, North By Northwest, A Very Long Engagement, and Better Off Dead.

TV: Archer, Breaking Bad, Community, Parks & Recreation, Justified, 30 Rock, Homeland, Game of Thrones, Louie, Fringe, The League, Workaholics, and The Americans.

Music: I am huge fan of progressive rock, e.g. Genesis, Yes, Emerson Lake & Palmer, Rush, as well as Spock's Beard, The Flower Kings, and other prog-revival acts. I love progressive and old-school metal, e.g. Iron Maiden, Anthrax, Dream Theater, Black Sabbath, Metallica, Budgie, Judas Priest, Threshold, etc. I also dig 80's pop and rock music, old-school hip-hop, classical, experimental rock, any country that you wouldn't hear on "country radio" (e.g. George Jones, Johnny Cash, etc) and Alt-Country (Uncle Tupelo, Old 97s, Justin Townes Earle, etc).

Food: If it doesn't involve an exorbitant amount of mushrooms, olives, shellfish, lye (sorry, lutefisk fans), or things that are crunchy for other reasons than being deep-fried (i.e. insects or arachnids), I'm willing to try anything once. Big fan of Italian and Mexican (or anything spicy, really), and I am learning to enjoy sushi. Lately I've been putting way too much Sriracha (aka Rooster Sauce) on all kinds of stuff: TASTY FIRESTORM!

Diet Pepsi
music
the Constitution
Stella Artois
comedy
Peanut M&Ms

Music, women, why certain co-workers of mine are so abnormal, why I spend so much time thinking about what I think is normal, why Conservatives waste so much time worrying about other peoples' reproductive organs/sex lives.

at a friend's house to play board games or card games, possibly having drinks with friends after work.

If I put it out here for the internet, it wouldn't be private would it? If you're willing to get know me a little, I will likely reveal something embarrassing about myself long before I ought to. My ideal woman will be able to handle it or follow up with something equally embarrassing.

anything you've read here made you smile,
you love the Green Bay Packers (or if you don't, or don't care about football, you will oblige or even take interest in my love of them),
you found a serious grammatical error somewhere on my profile, or
you are genuinely interested in learning more about anything I put on my profile of which you have never heard.