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29 M Mapleton, IL

My Details

Last Online
Yesterday – 5:52pm
5′ 8″ (1.73m)
Body Type
Mostly anything
Not at all
Taurus, and it’s fun to think about
Working on two-year college
Less than $20,000
Relationship Status
Relationship Type
Strictly monogamous
Doesn’t have kids, but might want them
Has cats
English (Fluently), Spanish (Okay), Japanese (Poorly)

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My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
My first name is Andy.

I'm very sarcastic and cynical. I have a very dry sense of humor, so if you aren't smart enough to understand when I'm being sarcastic, we probably won't get along.

I don't like describing myself because it sounds like bragging, and I'll probably come off sounding like a pretentious asshole. Probably the best way to get to know me is sending me a message and asking me what you want to know.

I will not go to clubs or bars. I don't dance and I don't drink. I don't find girls that get drunk at some dive bar and dance on the tables attractive. This probably eliminates
99% of the girls on here.

I'm stealing this from someone else, but it pretty much describes exactly how I feel: I'm picky because I know what I want, not because I'm shallow.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I work as a pharmacy technician for CVS. Not my ideal job, but it is a way to get my foot in the door and hopefully go into pharmaceutical sales or in the future go to pharmacy school.

I play guitar and bass and am currently looking to join a band (not some Nickelback cover band or a metal band or a country band).

I'm teaching myself (slowly) to play banjo.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Playing guitar, taking naps, insulting people, unfairly judging you before meeting you, spelling and correcting your errors, always being right about everything, making wild accusations about people with absolutely no factual information and finding some way to make them true.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
My thinness. Seriously, isn't that what most people notice first? You're either fat or not.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Books: Since there's too many to list, I'll just give my favorite authors: Stephen King/Richard Bachman, Joe Hill, Charles Bukowski, Chuck Palahniuk, Jonathan Maberry, David Moody, Mykle Hansen, Tucker Max, Chuck Klosterman, Christor Moore, David Wellington, Dan Wells, Jack Kerouac, Kurt Vonnegut, Scott Sigler, Guillermo Del Toro (yes, he's an author now), Chuck Hogan, Dick Masterson, Michael Crichton, David Icke, Troy Taylor, Bill Waterson, Gary Larson, Peter Straub, Richard Dawkins, Dan Simmons, Mark Z. Danielewski, J.L. Bourne, Z.A. Recht, Clive Barker, Max Brooks, Arthur Nersesian, Paul Neilan, and Steve Alten

Movies: Anything with Natalie Portman and/or Scarlett Johansson, Scream (only the first and the fourth are worth watching), Wayne's World, X-Men, Indiana Jones, Night Of The Living Dead, Happy Gilmore, Fast Times At Ridgemont High, Alien. There's a lot of movies I've watched, but the names are escaping me at the moment. I used to work at a video store and people expected me to have seen every movie ever made.

Shows: I don't really watch too much new TV. Under The Dome, The Walking Dead, Sleepy Hollow are the only shows that I watch that are still on. I used to watch Revolution, but then I just taped all the episodes and was like a season behind and stopped watching. Beavis and Butt-head, Daria, Weeds, Lost, Scrubs, Clone High, Destination Truth, Dead Like Me.

*Side note*
If you watch The Big Bang Theory and think it's hilarious, we are not going to get along. That show is quite possibly the worst show on TV. The only way it could suck more is if Ashton Kutcher was on it.

Music: Bands you've never heard of. That probably makes me sound pretentious, but I don't like anything that would be considered mainstream. Green Day is my favorite band, but they haven't done anything relevant since 2005, so I no longer consider them mainstream. My top five favorite bands (at the moment and in no order are: Major League, Modern Baseeball, Mixtapes, Seaway, and Mineral.

Food: I'm very picky. Cheese pizza, buffalo chicken (boneless), tacos, nachos, garlic chicken, sweet and sour chicken, beef jerky, potato skins, basically any kind of Italian food. I live on Taco Bell and Chik-Fil-A. I go by both on my way home from work.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
I'm going to go with things that I could live without, but use every day. Water, air, and other obvious things will not be included.

A guitar, a computer, the ability to kick your ass in Mario Kart, my cat, my iPod, and a pillow (I still need to take numerous naps throughout the day).
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Bigfoot. Nothing else, just Bigfoot.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Working, and then looking at all the other undesirable losers on here.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I can't swim, despite the fact that I have lived across the street from a lake for 28 years.
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 18–33
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You actually took the time to read all my ramblings, don't type like you're a 12 year old girl, are somewhat attractive, aren't morbidly obese, like animals, have nothing better to do with your time, realize that I'm hilarious and possibly a super genius, want me to insult your friends, like taking naps and would want to take them with me, don't have a child or children, and realize I'm probably the best you're gonna do.