Ok, so let's just start off by saying that this site is complete horseshit. I've been on here for the better part of at least 5 years. That means that I'm obviously masochistic to put up with the crap shoot that this site throws you for "matches". Seriously, wtf is up with this site these days? Do they intentionally dredge the bottom of the Hudson looking for the rejected masses & try to pawn them off on the unsuspecting few who actually try to find someone compatible? Yeah, it's not working. Mama always told me to trade up, not down.
Oh, "but you're on a dating site & you shouldn't be judging people that harshly." Yeah, you're probably right, but at some point I'm going to have to actually meet these poor souls & I've experienced horror stories you can only dream of. I honestly think I almost met Buffalo Bill once. I saw lotion & a small dog. I ran. I ran so far away. Couldn't get away. I mean hey, don't get me wrong, it's not like I just wanna use your love tonight. I just want someone who is "normal" & doesn't look like a troll from Finland. Yes, Finland, as opposed to Italy where they use tanning lotion & exercise.
I am a genuinely nice guy looking for a connection, but in all honesty, your gender has almost completely jaded me. If it weren't for my phobia of cock, I would probably be gay by now because of you females. I wish I were joking. Seriously, is it THAT much to ask for a nice, decent person who looks good in Yoga pants who's not completely bat shit crazy? It seems like I'm asking too much, or at least OKStupid seems to think so because I keep getting matched with landwhales. Not cool, OKStupid, not cool.
Most of this entire section was written in jest. I'll leave it to you to figure out which parts.