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28 Portland, OR Man


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I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 18–38
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating

My details

Last online
Today – 9:47pm
5′ 10″ (1.78m)
Body Type
Mostly anything
Agnosticism, and laughing about it
Graduated from space camp
Rather not say
Doesn’t have kids
Has dogs and likes cats
English (Fluently)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
My Myers-Briggs type is IDGAF.

Just a Timberlake looking for his Britney... They aren't together anymore, are they?

Just a Bobby Brown looking for his Whitney.

Here's a Pun: How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles.

I create things sometimes. I wouldn't call myself an artist because it's purely for amusement and I'll never charge for commissioned work. I do it to wind down and relax. I don't like to call it Art, it's called "Ert". Ert is Art's annoying little brother that tries to emulate everything he does. If you're using the website and not the app, you can see the nerdy paintings in my photos.

I have my own car, I feel like that's kind of rare in Portland.

I'm 5'10" and 3/4ths but I usually round up to 6'7".

I'm from New Hampshire. Live Free or Die, Bitch. I live in SouthEast Portland (Sellwood) now.

4 out of 5 nights I cook my own food.

I only selected 'New Friends' because 'New Seinfeld' wasn't an option.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Playing with my puppy, Clementine.

I have a craving for homemade froyo so buying bananas and such and freezing them is what I'm doing with my life today.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Catching shoplifters in the act like its my job (because it is).

Eating all of your discarded black licorice jellybeans.

Front flips on trampolines.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
That I'm making scary faces at their small children.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
I'm a glutton for a greatly told story.

Books: Autobiographies and things that remind me of my childhood.

Movies: I will literally watch anything except for another Fast and Furious movie. I have such a man-crush on Dwayne The Rock Johnson but Fast Five and Six were pure hot garbage.

TV: Netflix and Hulu powerwatching. I'm pretty sure Game of Thrones and Adventure Time are set in the same universe. I wish there was infinite episodes of My Strange Addiction and Catfish.

Music: I need to be able to either dance to it, or stare out a window on a rainy day to it. I don't like country music, but I don't want to denigrate those that do. If you like country music: denigrate means 'put down'.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
A pizza cut into six slices.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Who put the GLAD in GLADiator?!
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
I'll tell you what I'm NOT doing... I'm certainly not eating a tub of kraft macaroni and cheese while catching up on RuPauls Drag Race! Not at all!
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
A girl once wrote an erotic fan-fiction starring me and read it on Huffington Post Live and wrote an article for XO Jane about it. Seriously.

There's also a smutty romance novel where the main character's name is the same as mine. I own 6 copies. You'll know I fancy you if I give you a copy.

I've been featured on Buzzfeed twice.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You think grabbing a drink and sitting next to me in a bar sounds like fun. I love meeting new people. I am interested in a long-term relationship but that's never on my mind when I first meet someone, I'm far from desperate. I'm not a believer in forcing those things, but it's certainly something I think about.

If we go out let's agree to not have a "job interview" date. Hard to avoid sometimes but UGH!! Amiright?

Ideally I just want someone that will laugh at bronys, neckbeards, bros and juggalos with me.