These things would be much more effective if other people were required to write them based on their interactions with us. Kind of like a Yelp for dating. Granted, the species would probably die out as a result....

I also wish we could only see matches who have specific answers to specific questions. I could probably have cured cancer by now with the amount of time that would have saved me. Or I'd at least be caught up on laundry.

Admittedly, I have a seriously low resistance to redheads. And freckles. Freckles are my kryptonite. And curly hair. Girls with lots of long, beautiful curly hair... dear gods, I am slain.

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Self-deprecation is an art form, although I can sometimes be so self-deprecating that it annoys some people who think I'm constantly putting myself down. Uh, no, I know I'm uber-awesome, it just puts people at ease to think less of me so they can fall into my master plan of world panty domination. Well, maybe not the entire world but at least the whole of the west coast.

I'm very visual (uh, hello, photographer) which means I prefer watching good cinematography over reading a book. And by good cinematography I mean something with zombies, or demons/ghosts/scary stuff, or tits, or weird shit happening to Asians.

I'm also one of those hybrid hillbilly/southerners. Yes, I have my own teeth and wear shoes. No, I've never had sex with my cousin (that I know of). Yes, I like to shoot guns and drink whisky and go fishing and sleep in a tent in the woods. Yes, I'll take you, but leave the panties at home. It interferes with the world domination plans.

I just instigated a major career change after spending 7 years at the Evil Empire as an indentured PM. It was time to shake things up. This is a big shake for me.

I used to constantly have multiple projects going on - photography, music (I play keyboards and do drum/bass programming), writing, scripting web comics, being a memetic fiend - but somehow work got in the way of that. I need to rediscover that part of me again. I'm getting burned out on the whole career thing and it's going to be ugly if I don't get myself back in some shape, form, or fashion.

I was also turned into a newt, but I got better.

Making mix tapes for pretty girls. I may just make one for you. If you don't know what a mix tape is then you're too young for me.

Saving you from the zombie apocalypse. And I have a big 4WD in case TSHTF and we need to get to the woods to repopulate the continent. I'm pretty good at that whole repopulation thing, too.

80s trivia, especially New Wave and movies.

Scrabble. Not so much Monopoly. I have an affinity for trespassing when I play that game. Other board games, yes. I'm also willing to have you teach me how to play Cards Against Humanity. Hint hint.

Fishing - bass fishing to be more precise. Bass fishing is my religion and my church is a float tube on an empty lake at 6am. Sadly, I've not been attending church as much as I should. I will fix that in the spring.

L4D/L4D2.

I've been called a Renaissance Redneck by more than one person over the years. I think that's a good thing.

Apparently I'm quite good at oral sex. Two people recently have offered to be references if I ever need them. I'm putting this up here just to warn them they may get a reference check at some point.

I don't look like Brad Pitt.

Admittedly, I used to be a voracious reader and then I discovered that movies are my real passion. I've always wanted to be a screenwriter, so it turned into 'homework' more than anything. Now it's time to start working on something to make me rich and famous. I do enjoy Christopher Moore and Tom Robbins, and I've loved reading Poppy Z Brite and Caitlin Kiernan since we used to run into each other in goth clubs in Atlanta back in the Mesozoic Age. Eloise Knapp is a local author who I am friends with - if you like zombie fiction you should definitely check her out.

Movies:
Secretary (I have the French poster autographed by James Spader and Maggie Gyllenhaal hanging in my living room), The Breakfast Club, Bull Durham, The Shawshank Redemption, The Imaginarium of Dr Parnassus, Beyond the Black Rainbow, A Chorus Line, Hellraiser, Alien, Aliens, Ghost World, Tucker and Dale vs Evil (if you've never seen this chances are we may watch it within a few hours of meeting each other), Donnie Darko, Lost In Translation, Romeo and Juliet, The Princess Bride, Sucker Punch, Videodrome, American Psycho, the Ginger Snaps trilogy, Martyrs, Rosemary's Baby, Dawn of the Dead, Until The End Of The World, Hellboy, Audition, Battle Royale, The Victim, Tokyo Psycho, Old Boy, and Rec (Quarantine was the American version), Run Lola Run, The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, Heathers, Perfume, Big Trouble In Little China, and a million more.

Music: 80s New Wave, Industrial, Darkwave/Goth, and anything primarily electronic. Some favorite bands are New Order, Howard Jones, Duran Duran, Thrill Kill Kult, Nitzer Ebb, Ministry, She Wants Revenge, Psychedelic Furs, Apoptygma Berzerk, Apotheosis, The Cure, The Dead Milkmen, and Dune. Guilty musical pleasures - Spice Girls and The Lonely Island. I also am a huge Pomplamoose fan and have been for a few years. Hanging out with them in Portland was definitely a highlight of 2011.

TV: Big Bang Theory, Lost, Criminal Minds, and lots of British shows like Red Dwarf, Black Adder, and I can always find time for Monty Python's Flying Circus. Doctor Who has been a favorite since I was like 10 years old and it still is. Twin Peaks was brilliant television. Alcatraz had ridiculous potential (hello?? Sam Neill on TV??? YES!!) and I'm still pissed it got cancelled after just one season. Space 1999 will always hold a special place in my heart. Dexter and The Walking Dead are two current favorites that I could watch over and over. And I've already mentioned American Horror Story. Max Headroom, The Maxx, and Aeon Flux are things I will never ever tire of watching. I have yet to start Game of Thrones since I do sometimes like to not be sitting in front of my TV.

Food: Greek is my absolute favorite but I also love Thai, Chinese, and the hotdog guy in Belltown sells these hotlink sausages with cream cheese and grilled onions on toasted buns that are incredible. Fruity Pebbles will forever be my breakfast cereal of choice, even the generic gigantic bag you find at Winco. It's good stuff. Being from Georgia I have an affinity for what people here call "comfort food". Chicken-fried steak, fried catfish and hush puppies, brunswick stew, grits, pork loin simmering in barbecue sauce for a day in a crock pot until you can blow on it and watch it separate in front of you... stuff like that. I make incredible GA-style pulled pork at home.

My camera.
My sunshine, Rikku Havoc Monster Punk. I recently lost my Princess Dakota Crackhead and I'm still depressed about it. I probably always will be. She was my foxy lady.
My guns - shooting is great stress release and I'm already vastly ahead of you for being able to survive the zombie apocalypse.
Dreaming of Morocco.
My technolust.
The opposite sex (should be higher in the list but I want to at least appear as if I'm able to not constantly think about the joys of compatible body parts. I'm not, really. I like girls. Deal.).

Why was the bench still warm? Who had been there?

Wondering why I'm not spending it with the most incredible woman in the world.

I spent several years in a dying relationship because I was too co-dependent to fly solo. Co-dependency issues are all gone now, thank the gods.

You're from the South. I miss home and know some incredible places to get real food out here but it's always much more fun doing that with someone who misses it as much as I do.

Bonus points if you like to shoot guns and prepare for the impending zombie apocalypse, go camping, or drive into the mountains in the summer with a bottle of whisky and a blanket to watch the sunset at 3500'.

You're into 80s/goth/industrial music, horror movies, and have a thing for zombies.

You have a thing for 40-something teddy bears who give incredible hugs.

You have eyebrows like Lily Collins. I like eyebrows. A lot.

You want to get in front of my camera and make awesome photos together.

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