Maybe I'm just having a bad day? or a bad week? Maybe it just isn't my season? For some reason hateful, mean, cruel people seek me out to unleash their venom? For some reason rude people seem to feel that I'm a perfect target for their nastiness?

I’m tired of pretending that it doesn’t hurt, even when it maybe shouldn’t. Some friends say I shouldn’t let it bother me. But it still does. When people I don’t know say hurtful things… how can it not hurt? Especially because someone who doesn’t even know me thinks it is worth their time to go out of their way to say it to me….

Maybe I should go back to being content being alone? I wasn’t content being alone before, but at least the pain of alone is easier to deal with than the pain of attack…

Her body smooth and lithe, her skin so very dark
She wore a crown of evening stars, and jewelry made of bark
She wears a negligee of lace, the palest green
She dances softly with the breeze
And after all that she has seen
She’ll shed the negligee. Moving on with gentle ease…

Her body is tall and elegant. Her poise so grandiose
She watches men as they walk by, but is ignored by most.
She wears a dress of softest pink
With gossamer sighs it will softly sway
And if any, startled, stop to think,
With nonchalance, she looks away

She casts off the pink for a gown of gold
Her skin grows calloused as she grows old
She shivers but keeps her head held high
The night is her cloak, as she begins to tire
A necklace of lightning, a scarf of sky
She grows quiet, demure, and begs to retire.

The days grow short as she slowly dies
Begging for dignity she once more tries
To hold on tight to all beauty she once knew
A shift of white, she is forced to wear
Her thinning locks filled with ribbons of blue
She grows finally still in the icy air.

“Do not, do not go out tonight. There is a lonesome somber noise.
Like the old pottle sounds that softly chortle haterfoise.”
“A night like this” said the grey beard man, “must be left to nightly shade”
“for Darklings lurk and Strangelings smerk and lead trillies to their grave.”


But younglings quall as younglings do and with many a pre-planned track
The shadowlings came as darklings will and no youngling ventured back
Twas glisperwash and the moon did snide with glower and glovel tone
Those with grey beard did not try to hide mien of blather glome.


The strange shadowy figures new were seen beneath the grillow vlees
And haunted eyes like gleamon bires can be seen through the trees
“They walk as one” say the grey beard men. “Became now what they most fear”
The jowling from loodey zlades chills the blood of all who hear.


“Do not, do not go out tonight. There is a lonesome somber noise
Like the old pottle sounds that softly chortle haterfoise.”

So the new school semester has finally started to get a rollin… and that means more students need tutors… yeah that means more monies for me!!!! Woot… I go from having no money with 1 student a week to having 3 students a week! This is a big improvement! Jeff is still struggling with reading. I know how much he hates me forcing him to do it. I hate to do it, but I know Nov 9th when they let him go back to school, he is going to go straight back to the way things were. He will get over loaded and frustrated, then stop doing the work, and subsequently do horribly… I just want him to know he isn’t stupid. He keeps on saying that he is, but he isn’t. He just… I get so mad at the school system. He should NOT be taking freshman high school math. His reading level is there yet, and when you force him into doing what he isn’t capable of… he is going to fail… My new students seem interesting. I haven’t started with them yet. One of them is pregnant… she is due in a month and just doesn’t want to get behind. She is a good student, just made some unfortunate choices. The other one, I think, is going to be a struggle. He has a bad habit of not showing up to tutoring. Sigh… I don’t know what my approach with him is going to be yet. Most of the students they give me have problems that I can’t fix with the tools they give me… they want to take kids that are no where near where they need to be, and with a few hours a week bring them forward 3 or 4 years. It isn’t that I can’t bring them to where they need to be… it is that they want me to do it in an impossible amount of time. I am not a miracle worker. I am really worried about getting my teacher’s license now. What will happen then? Then I will have a class of 30+ kids that I won’t be given the time I need, and they will be expected to succeed. I just wish sometimes that I could make a difference and the more I see the world the more I realize that I can’t. I want so badly to reach out to these kids that aren’t bad kids… they just aren’t given the chance to be what they could be. I get frustrated because I could get them there… I could bring them to where they need to be, but the school system won’t let me. And the parents can’t afford it… This only reinstates the fact that I am going to home school my children. I have seen too much of the school system to trust them with my children’s education… I feel so bad for most of these kids… After I leave them… that one glimmer of hope that they aren’t dumb goes away. I don’t have the time to teach Jeff how to read, or basic grammar… I don’t have the time to teach him, but that is what he needs right now… that is what will get him to the point he can do these other classes that he is failing. He is failing because he can barely read or write. I’m so frustrated. I’ve talked to his guidance counselor… I’ve talked to her about letting me tutor him in English… about letting me teach him or rather re-teach him how to read and do basic grammar, but no… an extra $15 a week for a couple of months is too expensive for the school system to pay out! Dammit I’m frustrated!

Hello, I run a role playing game(world of Darkness) in Bridgewater Ma. I'm looking for new friends in the area who also like role playing and LARPs. Please message me if you are interested in having some new players in your game, if it is local, or if you would like to join mine!

EmillyBeth