Hi! I haven't written an essay yet because I tend to procrastinate, and I don't really like talking about myself. This space might be where I'll express myself if I get the urge to -- but then again, maybe it won't. If you'd like to know more about me, please send me a message. I may not tell you what you're wondering about, but at least we can say "hi".

[This is not the default essay OkCupid fills in for new users who haven't written about themselves yet. However, I will admit that it's not that much more informative. If there's something in particular that you're wishing I'd mentioned here, feel free to try out that weird new "Edit Some Random Stranger's Profile" feature to let me know.]

[An example! hearts1000 has proposed this suggestion: "Im really fricken weird but hilarious as hell and if u like laughing then hit me up and i promise u that u will for hours on end." I suspect that this is in response to my Martian Personality Test. Thanks, hearts1000!]

Editors

• hearts1000

I'm supposed to be doing something with it?

More than just working and saving money and trying to keep myself entertained and occasionally sleeping?

Alright, I guess that's not enough, so I'll throw in something random instead (which I probably wrote to entertain myself in between working and sleeping). Depending on how I feel, I may change this periodically:

YES or NO

Hey, thought of something else that I want! I want a telephone with a "yes" button and a "no" button. If you press them, a clear pre-recorded voice says "yes" or "no". For bonus points, add a few programmable buttons that I can record my own short phrases into.

Then maybe I won't have to keep subserviently responding to those loathsome telephony systems quite so much. (Is this the number you're calling about? Please answer "yes" or "no". What do you want help with? Say it in just a few words. I'm sorry, I can't understand you. Say it again. Now say it in Donald Duck's voice. Now bark like a dog. Do you want help? How much do you want help? Dance for me. Dance like a giant man-chicken. Dance, man-chicken, dance! Thank you. I'll transfer you to a customer service representative.)

It all depends on whom I'm surrounded by; I tend to judge myself by context. This is made difficult by the fact that I hang out with people who are good at the same things as me, so whatever I might think I'm good at, I usually know people who are better.

I like to think I'm halfway decent at computer programming, though. (Just don't ask me to make you a pretty UI.) And it appears that I'm not actually bad at writing interactive fiction, aka text adventure games. (I even won some prizes for that!) And I seem to be OK at losing weight, since I used to be substantially heavier than I am now. (Although maintaining it is trickier than it sounds.) I'm not terrible at puzzles. (I think. Or at least, I like to pretend I'm not.) And I sometimes say or write amusing things. (But I suppose you can judge that for yourself.)

There might even be other stuff I can do.

Oh, and I'm really good at procrastinating. (When I first wrote this sentence, it had been at least six months since the last time I'd edited this profile.)

Good question.

Personally, I'm always surprised that people don't find me scary looking (kinda tallish, broad build, sometimes a shaved head, beard). I sometimes try to radiate misanthropy, but instead of being intimidated, random children smile at me. It's a bit disconcerting to be browsing the shelves at the supermarket and to have bored little kids staring up at you in a friendly way (look, I smiled back already, so please stop looking at me!).

I can only assume that I am subconsciously broadcasting some kind of "I am a nice guy" signals or something. Alas, these are probably the same kind of signals that make one invisible to appropriate members of the opposite sex. So I suppose the first thing people notice about me is a vague sense of "hey, he's not dangerous or exciting at all!" Which is completely true, but still annoying. Bah.

[A comment from quincy_the_wolf: "You remind me of Will Sasso, another nice guy."]

Editors

• quincy_the_wolf

I'm not really all that great at picking specific favorites. When reading, I tend to choose science fiction, humor, fantasy. I'm more into short stories than novels.

I don't really watch a lot of movies, to be honest.

I don't actually listen to a lot of music either, but I'm rather fond of classical (in the general sense -- baroque, romantic, etc.). And jazz can be nice too.

I like food too much to dare list off particular things that I enjoy. It would only make me hungry.

1) A breathable atmosphere. 2) Drinkable water. 3) Computers (preferably with Internet access). 4) Food. 5) Literacy. 6) Shelter.

In roughly that order (although I'm tempted to swap numbers one and two). I'm not sure how I'd manage to use the Internet effectively without literacy, but I'm sure I'd find a way. I could probably be convinced to replace number six, though, if you suggest something better.

Time travel. Food. Role playing games. Things I might write someday in the future. Projects that I am almost certainly never going to finish (or, in some cases, start).

All the things that I ought to be actually doing rather than just thinking about. Lately, whether or not I should be trying to buy a condo in the future. Whether or not I've lost any important mail in one of the several piles of "stuff to deal with later" cluttering up my living room. (OK, I'll be honest: I really don't think about that last one nearly as much as I ought to. In fact, I've gotten quite good at not thinking about it.)

How little I seem to get done in the amount of time available.

At home, probably on the Internet. A social creature I am not, alas. (That's probably why I'm here.)

I've signed up to OKCupid. (Hey, that counts! There are lots of people I'm not telling that to.)

You like geeks, and you found the stuff I wrote amusing.

You don't mind if a guy isn't always confident and self-assertive, often stumbles over small-talk and secretly panics when meeting new people socially, and usually has a snarky inner commentary running through his head.

Grammar and spelling are also a plus.