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47 Boulder, CO Man


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I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 21-78
  • Located anywhere
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating

My details

Last online
Yesterday – 8:53pm
5' 8" (1.73m)
Body Type
Post grad
Doesn’t have kids but might want them
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
"Honestly, i am not the smartest crayon in the box just saying .. I did not grow up nor become very cultured, intelligent, nor sophisticated. But ..."

(Ok, I admit I stole that clever and excellent quote from a woman's profile a while back - it resonated and was just too good to pass up!)

But... I like what I do now and I'm giddy about what's next too. I'm fun. I'm good company and unafraid of intense emotions - yours or mine. So I do well with kiddos, pets, and your protective friends and relatives! I'm on quite good terms with my old neuroses and I bet I'll like yours as well. I'm friendly, approachable, and quite curious about what it's like to be you. I used to ask a hell of a lot of questions but now I learn more when I just sit back and let you be yourself. I'm optimistic, confident, and comfortable with life's ironies, inconsistencies and reality in general. I'm easily delighted, never disappointed. I find humor in every absurd situation life has to offer.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I like reading up on pathologies of the mind as nothing is more fascinating than childhood trauma, chaotic relationships, and addictions. And the more I learn the more I like the parenting I received; I'm among the lucky for sure. My job allows me to connect with people who were abused/traumatized. It turns out they are some of the best I've met (once you get beneath the nasty defenses). Mostly, I spend my work hours distilling and defanging addictive disorders and other antisocial stuff people do to protect themselves. This is a position for which I'd not only volunteer but would gladly pay to have (as in tuition.) Now, how many people can say *that*?!
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Sitting still while you freak out. And then thanking you for honoring me by sharing your freakout with me.

Oh, hey, what about this one:

"I like flaws and feel more comfortable around people who have them. I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions."

That's Augusten Burroughs, the Running with Scissors fella. I'll say this about being fine while surrounded by flawed people or, more realistically, people who *believe* they're flawed: it requires being quite good friends with your own flaws.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I'm not necessarily looking for the female version of me. For example, I like to ride my bike but you don't have to even have one. It doesn't matter if we haven't seen any of the same flicks or read the same books. People frequently mistake commonality for compatibility, ever notice that?

More important is your attachment style: avoidant, anxious or secure (which are ya???) That will make you either comfortable or terrified in a romantic relationship so it matters. Also important is your desire to do your therapy *outside* of your relationship instead of relying on your partner to analyze/rescue/fix you. I provide none of those services and I make no apologies though I will support you wholeheartedly and help you figure out your mommy/daddy issues.

Whether or not you can put together an uber funny and alluring profile essay is meaningless (I've met writers - they're often depressed and self-absorbed. I've met women who don't write - they can be superb.) If you're normal you very likely tend to underestimate your appeal to others - that's the old "if people knew what I'm really like they would run!" thing. I say relax, it's all about what happens when we're face to face, would you agree?

I'm not so interested in how great or awful you look on paper or how you think you are or how you think I'll see you and all that; by now I expect everybody out there to have one or two juicy and permanent neuroses and a good amount of emotional baggage. That's routine and that's just fine because, you see, what matters most is how you're working with it and not whether or not it's there.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
some nice reads:

How To Be An Adult in Relationships, Richo
Interpersonal Process in Therapy, Teyber
Passionate Marriage, Schnarch
The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog, Perry
Sex on the Brain, Amen
Out of the Shadows, Carnes
Letters to a Young Therapist, Pipher
Transforming Negative Reactions to Clients, Wolf
Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment, Levine
Man's Search for Meaning, Frankl
The Chronology of Water, Yuknavitch
just made some time for Yalom's Lying on the Couch too

and lovely sources of news and opinion like, TMZ, Chive, The Onion, Jezebel,
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
“Our frustration is greater when we have much and want more than when we have nothing and want some. We are less dissatisfied when we lack many things than when we seem to lack but one thing.”
― Eric Hoffer
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Lately it's all about self-compassion and empathy - these are the foundation for compassion (for others). Shame is cool too, that messes with a lot of people. Oh, and don't forget projection, that sneaky devil which, in the service of shame, has us pointing the finger at everyone but ourselves. When it comes to others I meet I like to think about this: the relationship of your *realistic* strengths and achievements to your *imagined* flaws and failures.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Connecting with pals on Pearl street or meeting nice people from OkCupid. I've been shown by online dates I'm pretty tolerant and patient. I consider any meet up to be a good one, no matter how bizarre it seems.

Here's a good one, a kind of smoldering freakout, 100% true too. I met a mid-40's mom of 4 for drinks at Jax. Great stories and lots of charm from this one. But a guy she dated for six (6!) years turned out to be not what he seemed and she was still smarting over it. Her strategy for avoiding future disasters went like this:
Hi Tom, I'm Liz.
Hi Liz, good to meet you!
Are you gay?
No, thanks for asking though.
Are you gay?
Are you gay?
Um, lemme check: not gay.
Are you gay?
Still not gay.
Are you gay?
Hey, are you trying to imply I’m really good looking? Flatterer!
Are you gay?
Ah, you have no GAYDAR.
Are you gay?
Have you heard of Juliet Jeske, her Huffington Post stuff?
Are you gay?
How could I be gay wearing these rags? Got 'em at Goodwill! I think i need a haircut too. I ran out of forming cream last week...
Are you gay?
Oh you poor thing, what happened to you?
Are you gay?
oof, now I just have to know. More wine?

I ran into my dear friend Liz at the Safeway the other day and thanked her for her contribution to my profile. She loved it and rewarded me with a hug.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I've just made friends with introvert parts of me after completely ignoring them for years. Cool, huh? Now I can be a bit more empathetic with real introverts.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You feel like cracking wise in response to some part of this here dating profile. I punish never and reward always.

here are some dating-related wisecracks: