If I could have sex with any woman in history I would choose Elizabeth Bathory. If you don't know who this is, I wouldn't check.

I am fun.

I have a collection of 46 human souls, sold to me for various items or services. In the afterlife, I hope to exchange them for a corner office and enough children to satiate my ever growing lust for the anguish of the weak.

People like me.

I am founder and Commisar of the Urban Spelunking Brigade. Contrary to popular belief this is a society made to help people during times of disaster and crisis in urban settings. It is not a club created because my friends and I like to sneak into abandoned buildings and climb shit with our grappling hooks.

I love children.

Though genetically gifted, I am such an apathetic, manipulative, egocentric that I can't do anything for a living but pretend to do things. This is why I act.

I recycle.

I am a minister of the Church of the Subgenius. If you are also Subgenii contace me. If not...we don't proselytize...because you aren't one.

All of the above is true.

Doing sporadic stand-up comedy, and running a bar in a high-tone French restaurant. There is a beautiful passion to the food, a discerning unpretentious taste to the wine, and the cocktails are delightfully eclectic...working with the French wants to make me gouge my eyes out. People! We are not getting shot at! Quit getting wired on coffee and cigarettes, then trying to come down with wine and scotch. I am sick of your bullshit and I want to go home on time.

Post-apocalyptic survival. I have always been the fittest...now all I need is a couple dozen warheads to prove it.

Red hair, sense of style, and my irreverent sense of humor.

a) Mark Leyner writes the most hilarious text I have ever read. The only drawback is I have to haul my laptop around when I read him, because the authors vernacular is so obscure I haven't been able to find a dictionary that can keep up with it. But let me tell you, if you like hallucinating on DMT while beating someone unconscious with your erect cock and listening to the Koran read by Christopher Walken, you should check it out. In William Gibson's writings I find the most desirable future I can concieve of, pure escapism. Camus, William S. Burroughs, Robert Heinlein, too many authors to list. As for mind altering literature try Revelation X, The Book of Subgenius, and The Way of the Samauri. b) Cowboy Bebop, Samauri Champloo, Akira Kurosawa movies, Le Dernier Combat, Requium for a Dream, and porn where girls cry(when getting head the tears tickle my balls). What can I say? I love guns, bushido, kink, drugs, the post-apocalypse, AND having a certain sadistic style. It's easy to scare someone while you point a gun in their face. It's much harder to make them envy you while you do it. c) Lots of metal - Lord Belial, Opeth, Emperor, Tartaros. Some of the more eloquent hip hop - Anti-pop Consortium, Immortal Technique, DJ Crush, Rubber Room. Since I sing music for theatre and a band I am exposed to so much it's not catagory specific. The Seatbelts, Aphex Twin, Einstein's Secret Orchestra. I especially revere David Bowie and Jonny Cash. They both mix style and substance to creat a sum greater than the whole of it's parts. d) LSD and human flesh...strike that baby flesh. Female only. I might be a cannibal, but I'm not gay.

Women who wear eye-patches...hot! High class arm candy(taller than me, black dress, good dancer). The rush I get from applause. Top shelf liquor. The Jefferson Acres. And, although trite, my friends. Without them I wouldn't be entertaining, I would be institutionalized.

You are intelligent, fun, and brave. You don't have to be an extrovert, but it helps.