i prefer to get to know people in person, so I'll describe what I am looking for with the understanding that it will probably reveal who i am or strive to be as well.
in terms of relationships, looking for someone who is secure yet humble. compassionate towards others. Gracious.
Some guy named Paul said the secret to life was learning to be content whatever the circumstances. A happiness that is dependent upon circumstances is fleeting at best, and largely out of our control at worst (or too self-focused over the long run).
I believe a spiritual truth is that gathering scatters, scattering gathers... to give is to receive. when each is looking out for the other's best interests, neither has to worry bout making sure that they're getting theirs... blessed self-forgetfulness.
someone who realizes our enormous capacity to be curved-in on ourselves. someone who naturally tends to commit to relationships rather than commodify them. someone whom i respect said that the solution to the problems of this world is not thinking more or less of oneself, but simply, thinking of oneself less. A community-builder. I guess that i'm trying to describe a certain heart.
when 2 ppl get together there's going to be a lot of conflict, by definition (no one is exactly the same), and lots of it. it's not gonna be like 2 identical planes of glass sliding over one another, but more like sandpaper. but it smoothes out our rough edges to create something...
But whereas one person may look at this conflict and view it as a sign that they've either made a mistake or naively thought that everything was going to be just perfect and is mortified; while one may hold the view that this conflict is primarily with the other person...
... a person who views it as a vehicle for sanctification (rather than a vehicle for happiness or self-fulfillment... geez, do you wanna put that kinda pressure on someone, have someone put that expectation on you??) realizes that it's actually a lot of conflict with oneself (for years parents, siblings, friends, roommates have tried to tell us things about ourselves but we didn't have to listen). No other relationship is gonna force you to look at yourself and deal with our own junk. It's not like you can move out or walk into your own bedroom and shut the door, etc.
Sounds great doesn't it? I'm all in!
i'm not one of those people who have a long checklist of what they are looking for, although, i do have some must-haves, but only because, by now, i've realized that lacking certain things in common hinders intimacy. other than that, with most things, i believe that 2 ppl can work it out. Hence, the focus on, oh i dunno, not so much certain things in particular, but certain characteristics or a common view on certain topics. personally, an inordinately long list comes across as a little consumer-oriented imo.
So, as i've stated, i guess i'm looking for a certain heart that gives me the confidence that we can get through anything.
I'm not perfect (and am not expecting perfection), but i hope that you'll find that i will be quicker-than most to repent & to forgive as well. in a lot of ways, relationships are gospel-reenactment.
i like to be pretty active and would like to meet someone who's active as well. hit the gym 5-7 times a week, enjoy reading, cycling, golf, tennis, am a huge Cowboys fan, but am a homer when it comes to other sports... yes I'm originally from this area tho i went away for school. love movies and have recently gotten into Marilynne Robinson novels: Gilead, Lila, and am gonna start Home sometime soon.
I'm a Christian who thinks that it's not a religion, but about grace & a personal relationship. think community in church is important, and believe that it's good in terms of becoming wise... it forces you to enter into relationships with a lot of ppl whom you necessarily wouldn't... you can gain knowledge from lectures, but wisdom comes from community and interacting; but have always felt a bit of an outsider in church. At the same time, faith is important to me and I'd like to be able to share it with someone together. All this to say that if you read my profile and think of the typical religious stereotypes (think Ned Flanders: "hi-dilly ho!") you are likely to be mistaken about me (superficially may appear to be, but not the case if you dig down... ie., superficially you can look like something, but essentially can be quite different in tems of motivations, intentions, etc.)(at the same time, i do consider myself to be orthodox), which is to say that, like everyone else, i'm more complex than any caricature.
I like to laugh and laugh a lot!
i'm an onion, care to peel away the layers and really get to know someone?
love Dostoevsky's short stories (no other author in my estimation can create characters and situations that show humans at their most vulnerable and either unspeakable cruelty or grace, which is to say that no other author tends to get my blood running as he)... always get distracted when i try to read his novels tho
Lonesome Dove by Larry McMurtry! upon finishing the book, I immediately ran over to the Barnes & Nobles in G'town and bought the other 2 books in the trilogy... and also the TNT miniseries based on the book starring Tommy Lee Jones, Robert Duvall, Angelica Houston, Chris Cooper, Diane Lane, Danny Glover, Ricky Schroeder... don't remember if i watched the whole thing, but i dang well tried!
MOVIES: i love Trainspotting (i hear that they are going to make a sequel- woo hoo! i tried reading it [Porno by Irvine Welsh, but it was written entirely in a Scottish accent and I cudnah undestanh iny of it!]) of course the 1st 2 Godfather films, Goodfellas, Snatch, Before Sunset, Conversations With Other Women, The Lives of Others, There Will Be Blood, The Remains of the Day, the Chris Nolan Batman films, Cinema Paradiso, Chung King Express, Pulp Fiction, The Age of Innocence, the Japanese version of Shall We Dance, Heat, Gladiator, Inglorious Bastards, Green Street Hooligans, The Flashbacks of a Fool, About A Boy, Michael Clayton... really too many to list
Love the atmosphere of Michael Mann films, ditto for the Coen Brothers... whether or not you like the film, you are completely transported to another world within 15 minutes of watching Fargo, No Country for Old Men, or True Grit.
Ed Burns films are a guilty pleasure... Bill Burr has a great impression of them... 3 guys standing around mumbling something that clearly shows an utter lack of understanding of women in general, then Ed Burns lifts up a beer, "To pa, to pa." cracks me up!
SHOWS: don't watch a lot of set top tv, mostly AMC shows Mad Men, Walking Dead (don't think it's great, but don't think i can stop either). i loved the heyday of HBO... the Sopranos is (sneaky funny) my all-time fav (Christopher Moltisanti asking "both of them?" when Adrianna reveals that her uterus was damaged & that she may have difficulty having children), Band of Brothers, Rome (only the 1st season, the 2nd was bollocks), Deadwood (Al Swearengen is the quintessential villian), the Wire (gotta love McNutty). My current favorite is Friday Night Lights ("clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose!"). also liked, The Shield, Lost. Also, the BBC's Top Gear is must see television, especially the challenges. No Reservations, Man vs Wild, The Deadliest Catch, Mad Money, CNBC.
Breaking Bad... The interplay between Walter white & Jesse is a writer's dream in terms of comedic potential!
MUSIC: X Ambassadors, Modest Mouse, Radiohead, U2 (having dabbled in playing in a band with 3 friends, it amazes me that they have stayed together for so long and maintained a genuine friendship with one another), Bruce Springsteen (great narrative songs... The River is my fav), R.E.M., Muse, The Killers, New Order, Duran Duran (sheepishly), Weezer, Mumford & Sons, Florence & the Machine
FOOD: a good steak (preferably from Peter Luger's or Wolfgang's), banh mi sandwiches, bonchon chicken, Ray's Hellburger, paella, roast suckling pig, a good coq au vin, home-made guacamole... authentic mexican food (tho i've never had it), Oegidjib and Tosikjib in Annandale, gnocchi, great pasta, sushi, Grimaldi's pizza
Bonus points if you like tennis, clipless pedals, and/or 2-3 fingers of bourbon.