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42 • Orlando, FL • Man
I’m looking for
- Ages 32–52
- Located anywhere
- Who are single
- For new friends, short-term dating
- Last Online
- Online now!
- Straight, Heteroflexible, Bisexual
- 5′ 9″ (1.75m)
- Body Type
- Mostly vegetarian
- Graduated from university
- Banking / Finance
- Rather not say
- Relationship Status
- Open relationship
- Relationship Type
- Mostly non-monogamous
- Has kids
- Likes dogs and likes cats
- English (Fluently)
I don't have any tattoos or piercings because I have an aversion to needles. But if I did get a tattoo it would be on my neck or face and depict a fire-breathing tiger or something equally bad ass.
2. Pouring exactly two Tylenol tablets from the container.
3. Parallel parking. I can do it with my eyes closed, hands tied behind my back and heavily sedated and hog tied in the trunk of a black sedan with tinted windows and held captive in a foreign land and beaten for a crime I didn't commit. I am the greatest parallel parker you will ever know.
3. Filling a dishwasher correctly. In the future children will read about my dishwasher filling skills. Museums will be built in my honor and there will be a large bronze statue in the foyer and several interactive exhibits. There also will be a memorial library for academics and scholars. That's how good I am.
4. Finding the clichés everyone puts on their OKCupid dating profile. For instance, everyone is "Living my life" and many are "Living it to the fullest." Also, many "love to laugh" but know "when to be serious." And Friday night activities are limited to the following: "Getting drinks with friends" and/or "At home watching Netflix." Also, most profiles note that if one works hard, he or she also must play hard. If you want to know anything more, most people suggest you ask them. What are the clichés you read over and over again on here? I actually find them fascinating. Like a car crash.
It should be noted, I've never read a book about vampires. Not even hunky, teen vampires.
Some favorite movies: Annie Hall, The Godfather, Hard Day's Night, anything with Nancy McKeon or Meredith Baxter Birney. Ideally, both.
I'm not a big movie buff. There are some great ones, but most are lousy. And I think most Hollywood actors are phonies. So, yeah. I'm the Holden Caulfield of your wildest dreams.
Music: hipster indie stuff, girl groups, glam rock, anything recorded in 1977, Stooges, Pavement, Velvet Underground, Television, The Dolls, Cramps, Bob Dylan, The Kinks, T. Rex, Smiths, Chic, Patti Smith, Moody Self-Pity Rock, Snotty Dandy Brit Rock, Dour Sullen Kraut Rock, Songs About Popping Pills and Dressing in Drag, New York City Noise Rock, Phil Spector, Can, Suicide, Captain Beefheart, Daft Punk, Larry Levan, The Beach Boys, Niagra, every seminal Detroit techno hit from 1985 '86 '87. I play guitar. Music is the only thing I really like.
You know all those television shows everyone is talking about? I've not seen them. Sorry. Try me. You'll be surprised at how much TV I've not watched.
I like Thai, Vietnamese and free food.
And what is the deal with "craft beer?" Everybody on here drinks "craft beer." What is craft beer? Is it a craft or is it beer? Does it have yarn and glitter and goggly eyes glued to it? Do you need a hot glue gun to drink it? What is the deal, people?
Sometimes I think I love my family. Sometimes I think I'm suffering from Stockholm Syndrome.
I was picked on a lot when I was a kid in school. Which is sad because my mother home-schooled me.
What's the big deal with same sex marriage? My ex and I always had the same sex.
Clearly, I spend a lot of time thinking of second rate Henny Youngman jokes.
If you even KNOW who Henny Youngman is message me - PLEASE.
Also, I'm in a lengthy relationship with a woman, we live together, we have kids and sometimes I like to meet other people. And she's okay with it. You can ask her if you don't believe me. Sometimes she likes to meet other men. So I'm not really looking for much more than dates or friends. I have kids and life gets busy sometimes, but I'm always looking for friends and if it leads to heavy petting, great. If not, no big deal.
For men, I'm looking for friends. I don't care about your orientation. I'm straight but not narrow (heteroflexible is the correct term, I believe). I like talking about sports, drinking cheap beer, bullshitting about post punk music and making dick jokes.
For ladies, I'm looking for dates or particularly good banter and whatnot. As you may have read above, I have a girlfriend, we live together and she knows I'm here. If this doesn't offend you, carry on. If you're looking for marriage or someone to have children with, look elsewhere. But if you enjoy the arts, high fashion, fine wine, French cinema and intellectual discussions that could lead to potential make out sessions, please drop me a line. Or if you just like dick jokes.
***WARNING: Any institutions or individuals using this site or any of its associated sites for studies, projects, advertising, sales, or any other reason you HAVE MY FULL PERMISSION to use any of my profile or pictures in any form or forum both current and future because I know YOU'RE JUST BEGGING FOR IT and WANT IT SO VERY BADLY***
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