Welcome to my profile, where I *takes huge breath* have posted pleasing photos of myself, attempted to demonstrate intellect and education via these carefully phrased, somewhat grammatically correct, and excessively verbose self-summaries; subtly asserted that I am well-read and current with popular culture through an abundance of vague references, crafted phrases to demonstrate my masculinity and vulnerability through a thin veil of comedy so that you will understand me instantly, and am now going even deeper with meta-commentary on the absurdity of online dating: the unavoidably narcissistic experience of filling out these résumés and the implausibility of accurate self-description, then finally going meta² with the nearly acceptable satire of this giant run-on sentence as proof that I possess a sense of irony and am relatively self-aware.
Reasons you should just move along, according to my best friends: "A cactus once died under his watch; he is technically less nurturing than a desert." "He dances like a happy coked-out parakeet at weddings and I don't see that changing." (My friends are the best) Also, this profile is long. I'll be chopping it up soon, glean all my secrets while you can
The glass is half full, and there's even room for more
Jack of all trades, master of one
Russian born, Bay raised
ENFP for what it's worth