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30 M Alameda, CA

I’m looking for

  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 24–34
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating

My Details

Last Online
Yesterday – 6:39pm
White, Other
6′ 3″ (1.90m)
Body Type
Strictly anything
Working on university
Less than $20,000
Relationship Status
Relationship Type
Strictly monogamous
Doesn’t have kids, but might want them
Likes dogs
English (Poorly), Russian (Poorly), French (Poorly), Japanese (Poorly), Portuguese (Poorly)

Similar Users

My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I love to smile, eat food, and laugh! Just look at all the things we have in common already. OH, OH, and fun! I bet we really enjoy fun.

Welcome to my profile, where I have posted pleasing photos of myself with critically acclaimed captions, attempted to demonstrate intellect and education via these carefully phrased, grammatically uncorrect, and excessively verbose self-summaries; subtly asserted that I am well-read and current with popular culture through an abundance of vague references, crafted phrases to demonstrate my masculinity and vulnerability through a thin veil of comedy, and am now going even deeper with meta-commentary on the absurdity of online dating, the implausibility of accurate self-description, and nearly acceptable satire of this giant run-on sentence as proof that I am relatively self-aware and possess a sense of irony.

The glass is half full, and there's even room for more

The profile is long, but at least it's not boring

Jack of all trades, master of one

Russian born, Bay raised

ENFP for what it's worth
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
The Wide Lens:
Finding the balance
Automotive career happily in the rearview, now back in college doing my pre-med undergrad for an eventual physical therapy doctorate.

Still settling into Alameda and trying to remember how I ever managed to survive on a student's budget the first time.
Feeling excited by the prospect of meeting nice and happy women here who exist outside the reach of my widest social circles.
Enjoying being a dork and the little things more than ever.
Refusing to eat the apple of cynicism like so many do at this age.
Fighting to retain that childlike spark of wonder and curiosity.

Feeling eternally grateful for having won the cosmic lottery when my consciousness was lucky enough to take hold of this human form, in this incredible time and location, with such an amazing string of people to be inspired by, learn from, and laugh with.

Purpose and Identity:
I'm a nice person and I like nice people

Passionate about my work and excited for the future!
I'm looking forward to the day I can start helping people restore themselves, and am leaning towards pediatrics after last semester's interviews with practicing physical therapists. I can't think of anything more rewarding than the prospect of helping tiny patients regain or create an ability to move freely

Adjusting to an income roughly 80k shy of what I grew accustomed to, which has forced me to realize how much of my identity was wrapped up in being the breadwinner. Wealth has always been a weak motivator for me, but I also do miss the freedom that money brought. At the same time, I actually enjoy playing the budgeting game now, and have reached an awareness of who I am and what I'm about that runs deeper than I've ever felt before.

Former professional ADHD kid, just a hobby now.
Had a brief stint as the world's youngest person.

2014 American Ninja Warrior star (don't laugh)!
Update: Submission video complete! Fingers crossed they'll like it
Update: They picked me! I'm going on the show!
Update: I failed!

I knew going into this after only 8 months of training that I was still not even close to the level of the veteran ninjas, so my goal was just to not make any serious mental mistakes and go as far as my body could take me.

Still, I was pretty bummed about falling off that Wheel of Misfortune, especially after coming back the next night and completing everything else as a course tester.. BUT in failing and coming back as a tester, I got 10x the amount of experience I would have if I had succeeded as a competitor. Then I went on to test in Denver as well, and just got invited to test in Vegas. So this way I am clearly much better off for next year - even more so than if I had completed the course! I really think it all worked out for the best.

Update: Vegas finals wrapped! I've surprised myself with my laser-like commitment to this.. just looked back and realized I even completely stopped eating chips (my food weakness) without any real thought! It wasn't even that hard once I got used to feeling dead inside!

2016 Survivor contestant (laugh now)

Enjoying social sports - grown up kickball has no business being this fun. I always start out with a "the score is fun-to-fun, guys!" attitude and end up with my war-face on, playing to win

Failing to keep up with my four-legged lightning bolt April on the trails when I get to steal her away from her happy new home on Sundays. The short story is, I couldn't find a place that allows dogs, so my amazing friend and his adorable daughters were watching her in the meantime. ..but it dawned on me a month later as they were climbing all over her in the cutest way possible, that they already loved her deeply.. and I realized that even when I do have that new place, there's no way I could take her away from them. So now, every time I open the front door and don't get attacked with licks, I miss her. But at the same time, I'm happy she didn't have to wait for me.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.

"dad jokes"
Reading you
Making out
Making dinner
Eye contact
Witty banter
Blunt honesty
Visual thinking
Settling Catan
Keeping Secrets
Playing with dogs
Seeing both sides
Bursting my bubble
Anything automotive
Buying cars in the dark
The Scandinavian Flick
Fixin things aint broke yet
Using proper grammar
Living in the moment
High fiving horse cops
Impromptu pillow forts
Involuntary belly laughs
Swimming at four days old
Opening that jar of pickles
Blurting out half-formed ideas
Listing things I'm really good at
Smashing glass and taking credit
Being a fattie with my meal portions
Knowing which way is West; if past
lives exist I was a definitely compass
Pretending alliteration ain't annoying
Spontaneous adventures to nowhere
Losing my voice from cheering too hard
Knowing when the microwave will go off
Inspiring friends to come out and have fun
Complimenting people behind their backs
Keeping my mind so open my brains fall out
Getting captivated by barbershop aquariums
Filling out patient forms with unnecessary sass
Lighting candles instead of cursing the darkness
Imitating the penmanship of an epileptic sea turtle
Self deprecating without losing, like, any confidence lol
Arranging line lengths to resemble half a Christmas tree.
Removing flash drives with a devil-may-care attitude
Being born in Russia to American parents
Stabbing the roof of my mouth
with tortilla chip fragments
Back massages
Being humble
Being modest
Really bad at:
Remembering if
I took my vitamins
today. If I were a girl
I'd be pregnant a lot..
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Personality: my boundless exuberance, whiteness, hearty laugh, almost too affable, extra modest, the wheels are turning, that I just did something spontaneous, sprinkles of wit or wisdom here and there

Appearance: my height, whiteness, probable gigantic smile, about 180lbs big teeth kinda gangly, the golden aura, that I just tripped and fell, facial features chiseled from the finest Greek granite

Other: they say I smell fantastic
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
These aren't finished or in order but I'm confident you'll get over it

Cake, CCR, Qotsa, John Lee Hooker, Radiohead, The Heavy, Interpol, Did You Get Over It Yet, Gambino, Atmosphere, Christina Aguilerira, How About Now Are You Over It Now, Ratatat, Beatles, Beach boys, The Black Keys, the list could go on - including some really cool brand new underground stuff you've probably never heard of 'cuz you're so mainstream and I'm so cool (obvi) but whatevs not like i care

NPR podcasts, TED talks, xkcd, SciShow, Ninja Warrior, Imgur, Zen Pencils, Live comedy & performance art, I will inevitably get sucked into any nature show or documentary, and I've forgotten more about Survivor than you will ever know.

Fall leaves crunching under my feet, shoving that first giant piece of sushi all the way into my mouf, the crackling of a warm wood fire, laying on the beach at night beneath a clear sky, that complete satisfaction felt after fixing something broken, watching the tide roll in beneath our setting sun, the period at the end of a well-worded yet totally humble list.

When I was a kid I loved milk and cereal at night, now I like to use wine instead of milk (try it!) and then also instead of cereal I like to use wine.

Speed bumps are probably my least favorite thing

And I graciously spared you from the pics of me doing my favorite thing: petting tigers while skydiving. You're welcome.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
1) Laughter and Optimism

2) Skill and Growth

3) Duty, Altruism, Love

4) Apple bottom jeans,
5, 6) Boots with the furr
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
whether to capitalize the first word of these sentences?

What kind of person I would be if I was born into a different environment.. That usually means some variety of ancient foreign culture. Mayan Alex was a perspicacious philanthropic stargazer who used excessively large words to describe himself (wow did I just hit 4th person?). Roman Alex established a lucrative prostitution palace and was stabbed to death in Caesarean fashion when the baths ran out of scented soap. Japanese Alex, contrary to popular belief, was not a ninja but a samurai. He walked the Bushido path and died while attempting to dethrone the Shogun Emperor at the age of six.

How much different dating will be when we use a Yelp-style app.

Has the time come to chop down my "really good at" tree?

Was that just a coincidence?

What a girl wants, what a girl needs

And of course, clever things I should have said
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
A) You ask yourself Why
B) You smile at old couples
C) You laugh when you fall down

Really though I'm just looking for fun local activity partners right now, and if something happens to evolve, hey no complaints. Those looking for le serious answers should peruse my questions section; I did my best to answer thoughtfully, honestly, and keep it free from sarcasm. But since you're reading this sentence, you clearly have enormous patience for my main page smartassery and probably don't take yourself that seriously either. Life can get out of balance sometimes but if we keep a sense of humour about it all, everything (including our relationships) just feels effortless.

And the fact that you've somehow made it to the end of this weighty tome means we must have even(!) more in common than just liking food and fun. So come on, throw me a message immediately (if not sooner)