"The Improved Unarmed Strike feat raises the die code for my unarmed damage- as a 5th level monk, it starts as a D8. I thought it would go up to 1D10, but I was wrong: it's 2D6!! Great Scott! 2D6!!?! That will skyrocket my average damage to 7 before applying sudden strike, magic, or buffing my Strength! This is so freaking cool!", I said. Then I said, "Wow. I'm super nerdy."

This is a key reason why I use an internet based dating site.  :P

my name is

Mr. E

A Ragabash, who'll make you laugh with glee

So run with me through this rhapsody

By the darkness of the new moon sneekily

Pete

(exScuse me ma'am!)

It's not a scam

Here I am

Man of her dreams

burstin at the seams

with a heart full of

love, love love,

all around

This is the sound

of greatness

today this

Rapid fire rhyme sire

burns with bliss

Like the blood-red blade of the Sith

So join me

Mr. E.

Haters better run, here's Security

Observin & reportin the things that be

History- like those days I would hit that thing critically

Smoked too fast- left my fingers blistery.

But, that's it for me.

Though the slope of sobriety is slippery

So I'll have a pint of the black stuff

To get a grip, climb the bluff

To rise above the influence,

The difference

is

it's a Brave New World blastin out this place

off the world's face

Into space

Livin the dream

Gotta talk fast, in space

No one can hear you ssssss.

The Master steps up

Student yields to expert skill

Carefully, he cuts.

Usually I reserve this section for haiku... (which is rougher than you'd think if you do it spontaneously & without forethought, like you're supposed to.)

But not this time! This is a trailer I wrote for a game I ran for a while... imagine if it were a feature film's trailer. Everything that's shown in the trailer actually did happen over the course of the game. Here we go:

Dark, ominous music plays.
Fade up from black to a close up of Nick revealing his injured arm, healing nicely under bandages. The Major's voice speaks through a staticy telephone: "It's been a week now. Have you seen anyone survive a bite yet? EVERYONE turns."
Cut to a close up of Nick, on the phone. He sits still as a statue, considering the implications, then smiles falsely. Nick: "Nope! Not a one. Everybody." He bites his lip & thinks as the screen fades to black.
Fade up from black to Nick talking on a cell phone, relaxing in the library of Burns High School, a bag of cheetos open on the desk before him. He smiles as he talks on the phone.

Nick, relieved: "Mandy! You're alive! How are you?"
Cut to black. A panic-stricken Mandy sobs on the other end of the phone over the black screen.

Mandy: "Nick! You've got to come rescue us! We're trapped inside the mall… there's no food! They won't stop moaning! They just never shut up! My God, Nick, THE SMELL! You have to save us!"
Red lettering, over a black screen: WHEN SURVIVAL…
Cut to Leah, climbing out of a smoking hole in the roof of the mall, makeshift armor and gas mask in place.
Cut to John, standing proud beside his dirt bike. John: "Corporal John O'Riley, 183'rd."
The music builds in intensity and excitement to a hard industrial tune
Cut to a black screen with red lettering: COMES AT THE PRICE…
Cut to Zack shaking hands with Chen, smiling.

Zack: "I'm the last hope for the Human race. Pleased to meet you."
Cut to Nick and John, in the Teacher's Lounge.

John: "I'm prepared to take you back into Portland."
Cut to Eddie, smoking in the cafeteria.

Eddie: "My family has a place near Reno. We could be safe there."
Cut to Charles, holding a pool stick.

Charles: "Want to make it a little more interesting?"
Cut to Leah removing her gas mask to reveal her blushing face & purple-streaked hair.
Cut to a black screen with red lettering: OF YOUR HUMANITY…
Cut to John drawing his pistol and leveling it at Richard's head, point-blank, in the school's hallway while Leah stands before him with her own rifle trained on him, gas mask on.
Cut to the helicopter leaving Royce behind & surrounded on a roof as it carries on toward Portland. Royce shouts and shakes his fist.
Cut to Leah leveling her rifle at a 4- year- old boy amid the shattered remnants of suburbia, who screams in fear.
Cut to a close up of Dennis, running his cheek against Michelle's own, covering her mouth with his hand as she silently weeps in her bed.
Cut to Eddie, talking to John in his father's bedroom. Eddie: "Could you kill Tiffany, if you had to?"
Cut to a black screen with red lettering: WHEN ESCAPE…
Cut to Nick repelling down the side of the Mall, just out of a Zombie horde's reach.
Cut to Steve pulling an exterior door to the school quickly shut.
Cut to Bruce throwing the Hummer into reverse & beginning to scream as a Zombie crawls in through the driver's side window, shattering it while snapping.         
Cut to a black screen with red lettering: MEANS LOCKING YOURSELF IN…
Cut to Tiffany talking to the survivors in the school cafeteria.

Tiffany: "It's all underground. An old nuclear missile complex."
Cut to John, also in the cafeteria with the survivors. John: "They have a very sweet setup. But we'll have to live by their rules."
Cut to Leah, pointing at the papers on the cafeteria table as she looks to the other Survivors.

Leah: "This is our best bet for survival."
Cut to black screen with red lettering: WHEN THE ONLY WORLD LEFT…
Cut to Eddie at Louis's table, eating lobster & sipping wine.

John: "You're a different sort of man when you're not carrying a couple great big guns, Eddie." Eddie just smiles darkly.
Cut to Royce, John, & Tiffany handing over their bags for search by Chinese gangsters, parting with them painfully.
Cut to a very old man, Louis, sitting at a coffee table, coffee mug in hand.

Louis: "I'm a dictator. I am above politics."
Cut to Freddie, walking down a hall. Freddie, over his shoulder to Leah.

Freddie: "I was assembled on the streets of Portland from spare parts of dead gangsters."
Cut to black screen with red lettering: IS THE UNDERWORLD…
The music builds even faster, indicative of a spiral out of control.
Cut to John driving away from a greasy fireball along the desolate highway in a Hummer, the pain of loss etched on his face, windshield shattered.
Cut to Dennis snorting at a coke ring, lying in a hospital-style bed.            
Cut to Zack, opening his lockbox full of marijuana by the pound, a half-dozen pill bottles & two large vials of liquid next to a shirtless Erica, with the covers wrapped strategicly around her.
Cut to the smoking ruin of a WW2 spitfire in a hanger, riddled with machine gun bullets.
Cut to John and Karen lying in bed together, cuddling.
Cut to Freddie opening the ornate double doors to Louis's room.
Cut to a strategically placed shot of Jimmy from behind & over the shoulder as he slowly advances, shirtless, toward Leah's naked form as she reclines on the hood of a Shelby Cobra with a smile.
Cut to Judge closing and pocketing his badge.
Cut to Nancy dancing in her chair, sexy, as she overlooks her computer.               
Cut to a scattered group of Zombies looking overhead, confused, at the passing helicopter.
Cut to Karen stabbing John in the butt with a hypo.
The music stops. Fade to black.
Black screen with red lettering: THERE ARE ONLY TWO CHOICES…
Red letters fade. Leah's voice over the black screen.

Leah: "I think they're evolving."
A rapid series of fast-paced, dynamic cuts, with the chorus of "The Bird and the Worm" playing, with inserts featuring red script over a black background, of:  
Dennis dropping a karate chop at Ron's collarbone, Jimmy delivering a powerful uppercut to Eddie; launching him into the air, Tiffany waking Nick with a gun to his head, Zack opening a school locker with a crowbar, (RED SCRIPT on BLACK: ADAPT), a section of the shopping mall's wall collapsing from an explosion, falling onto a smallish mass of Zombies before more step in to take their place, Judge punching John out in the ring, Chen loading his Norinco 85 SMG, Dennis shaking on a bathroom floor; starting to foam at the mouth as his eyes roll back in his head, Royce focusing a microscope as he peers through it, (RED SCRIPT: OR) Dennis delivering a flying kick to John's face, Nick being eaten alive by a swarm of Zombies as he desperately grasps at a rope, Judge punching Royce out in the ring, Eddie delivering a brutal elbow to Jimmy's ribs, Freddie opening fire with his pistol on an approaching Lone Zombie; standing between it and four other Tongs, a security feed of an approaching Zombie, an exterior shot of the Hummer as the inside of the windshield is covered in blood by arterial spray; a pair of Zombie legs dangling from the driver's side window, (RED SCRIPT: DIE), Dennis throwing Judge to the ground in a darkened bedroom, the tail of the helicopter glancing against an air conditioning unit & sparking, John flying through the air sideways on his dirt bike while firing his TEC 9, Steve crawling out of a truck screaming as a Zombie crawls after him, Richard swinging wildly upside down over a horde of ravenous Zombies; arms flailing as he screams, Peter menacing John with a pair of hatchets in the Security Room, a video feed of a Zombie watching the camera sway back and forth for a few seconds before it lashes out at it, knocking the camera to the ground.
Fade to black. Red script on black background: Zombie Apocalypse.
Music stops. Fade up to an exterior shot of the school, mid-day. A truck is parked nearby. Zombies are shambling here and there, none too close. The main door opens quietly and Nick peeks out. He steps outside, keys in hand, and approaches the truck. The school's door closes behind him. He unlocks the truck as a few Zombies moan and begin to head toward him slowly. Nick removes a few items from the truck, and then quickly returns to the school's locked double doors. He tries one door, then the other, then looks over his shoulder at the approaching Zombie mass, then back at the doors, then at the Zombies again. They shamble a little faster and moan louder. NICK: "Uh oh…"
Cut to black. Red on Black:  THURSDAY.

Yeah. Good game...

Red alert! Shields up!

"I feel like you're pushing me"?

Fix the problem, Ray.

As the sun beats down,

I stay lazy & cool in bed.

All spaniels fear me.

Stop violating.

Don't take things that are not yours.

What would your Mom say?

"Death cab for Cutie"?

And these assholes mock Leto?

The mad fools loose face.

Mentos. Headphones. Keys.

My Nintendo DS. Phone.

I am ready now.

Training the new guy

Bald head, four years older. Odd.

Authority now?