I'm a heaping portion of sass steeped in a bubbling sauce of snarky wit with profuse dashes of dada and sprinkl'd-all-o'er with essence of fantastically awesome.

Random Facts and Rabelaisian-style Lists are more fun than organized ones:

1. I frequently seem to be classified as the type you either really enjoy or can't stand. I feel demoralized watering down my personality to suit anyone's tastes, so that's alright. I'm frank, communicative and generally not afraid to tell anyone anything about myself. This sometimes offends people and I mostly don't care.

2. I'm unfailingly optimistic. No matter how vile things get, one has to figure they could always get worse. There have been times when the only thing that kept me going was insisting that, somehow, shit always works out. On the flip side, I can be into ridiculously dark music and films. The Greeks had it right: one shouldn't underestimate the value of catharsis.

3. Despite my often exuberant disposition, I'm actually quite an introvert; if I don't have enough alone time away from people, I start to get cranky.

4. Alice Little, Mary Poppins, Willy Wonka, Guy Fawkes, The Tick, Tyler Durden, Beavis, Butt-head, Max Headroom, Charles Xavier, Doctor Who, Banksy, Remi Gaillard, Dan Savage, Bill Nye the Science Guy, Harry Mason, Ziggy Stardust, James Bond and Nathan Explosion are my heroes. I also love old dead white guys: El Greco, Oscar Wilde, Aubrey Beardsley, Fritz Lang, George Grosz, Duchamp, Dali, Man Ray, Jorge Luis Borges, Federico Garcia Lorca, Andy Warhol and Anton La Vey. Some leading ladies of awesome: Hannah Höch, Donna Haraway, Karen Finley, Isabella Rossellini, and Jenny Shimizu.

5. I hate TV. I think it's an egregious waste of time I could use to sing in the shower, organize my comics, or hatch my latest plan for Total World Domination. If it's really that great, I'll watch it on Netflix or steal my friends' copies on DVD.

6. I'm equal parts geek and intellectual without letting either of these sides making me unfit for regular human consumption. I <3 survival horror and RPG games, old zombie movies, extreme Japanese cyberpunk, high quality or creative anime, stupid Japanese games shows, German-style boardgames, Battlestar Galactica, X-files, and anything having to do with cyborgs and cybernetics. I'm generally not into the fantasy genre (and if you think dragons or fairies are real, move along--this is not the profile you are looking for).

7. Adventures are fabulous! I dig urban exploration, walks to the park after closing to get chased off by the cops, picnics, scavenger hunts, road trips, visits to new libraries, thrift stores, traffic cones liberations, and crazy outfits tried on at department stores. I also love throwing myself into pits at metal/industrial shows.

8. Life is serious business to me and people who don't have a zest for it are hopeless bores.

9. I'm pretty much always reading 5-6 books at once.

10. I don't fit well into any gender or style mold. One day I might put on glam-ish make up and look cute as a button; the next I could be wearing spats, a waistcoat and tie or my partner's busted work jeans.

I guess when it comes down to it, I'm a person of opposites--at times, extremes. Remaining in balance is a tough business for any person I think; if I can do that about half the time, I figure I somewhat fit the idea of the graceful, continually growing person I hope to be.

Currently taking a break from writing my Master's thesis for my sanity. In the meantime, I make insanely delicious coffee at a shop where I run the training program. At home, I brew my own beer, cook yummy things, and live with my partner, our roommie, and our friends of the feline variety.

Some long term goals:

1. (Maybe) Get my PhD in art history.
2. Write some books about nerdy art things (Dada?).
3. Get through physical therapy/medical torture so I can go back to Jiu Jitsu practice some day.
4. Live in Spain (again) or Germany while I do graduate research.
5. Go on a cross-country road trip and pretend I'm Sal Paradise.
6. Improve my German so I can read it for research.
7. Turn my growing little collection of cut-outs, widgets, and found objects into montages that no one will actually want to look at or buy.

Looking at art, researching, experimenting in the kitchen, making espresso drinks/latte art/coffee, imitating Robert Plant, correcting people's grammar at awkward moments, not mincing words, remembering what page I'm on in books, giving the annoyingly simple solution to a person's problem, being the butt of my friends' jokes (I'm pretty OK with this).

Friends say I stand out in a crowd--something about the "way I carry myself". That makes me feel weird, so I'm inclined to say my eyes. They're very animated.

Authors: E.A. Poe, D.H. Lawrence, George Orwell, H.G. Wells, Aldous Huxley, T.S. Eliot, James Joyce, Albert Camus, Franz Kafka, Lewis Carroll, Tom Stoppard, Sam Shepard, Edward Albee, Federico García Lorca, Jorge Luis Borges, Pablo Neruda, Haruki Murakami, Hunter S. Thompson, Bret Easton Ellis, Chuck Palahniuk, Phillip K. Dick, Robert A. Heinlein, Carl Sagan, Neil Gaiman, Frank Miller, Alan Moore, Donna Haraway, and Jacque Fresco. (Yeah. I like to frickin' read...)

Music: I like a lot of different genres of music, but some favorites are metal, industrial, EBM, aggrotech, IDM/bastard pop, electro, house, glam, post-punk, horror punk, new wave, grunge, progressive, blues-rock, tango, baroque, classical. Lately, I've been listening to a lot of David Bowie, The Talking Heads, Darkest Hour, Clutch, ZZ Top, Rammstein, Radiohead, Home Video, Amon Tobin, LCD Soundsystem, and the new Daft Punk.

Movies: Metropolis, Bladerunner, Ghost in the Shell, Akira, Tetsuo the Ironman, Dark City, The 5th Element, 12 Monkeys, Session 9, 28 Days Later, Jacob's Ladder, Dracula, The Seventh Seal, Shadow of the Vampire, Dawn of the Dead, The Crow, The Shining, 2001: A Space Odyssey, Apocalypse Now!, A Clockwork Orange, Network, American Psycho, Le Samouraï, Taxi Driver, High Fidelity, True Romance, Pulp Fiction, Dr. Strangelove, Rocky Horror Picture Show, Shortbus, Burn After Reading, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, Pi: Faith in Chaos, Fight Club, The Professional, Layer Cake, Snatch, The Dark Knight, Inception, and Tank Girl

Food: I'm a vegetarian. I can't digest meat and, while I have strong personal feelings about how we eat meat/produce food as a society, I don't criticize others. Generally, a day doesn't go by that I don't cook at least one meal at home. Spanish tapas, sushi, authentic Italian dishes, and traditional Indian and Thai cuisine tend to be my favorites. I am inordinately fond of gin and tonics and Belgian Tripels.

1. Laughing with my best friends
2. Delicious beverages/food
3. Intellectual stimulation
4. The library
5. My two lovely cats
6. Physical affection

--Research for my master's thesis, "The Traumatized Dada Psyche: Reconstruction of Male Gender in Post WWI Germany" about George Grosz's DaDa montages and war trauma. Ex: should we consider the Weimar Republic to be a 'culture of trauma'? How did the effects of war trauma challenge Germany's concept of 'maleness'? How does the application of the 'hysteria' diagnosis shape current scholarship of George Grosz's work? How could Grosz's work contribute to contemporary dialogues on mental illness, war service, and social revolution?

--COFFEE. Making BETTER COFFEE. Drinking MOAR COFFEE. Getting MOAR people to drink BETTER COFFEE. Getting MOAR people to make BETTER COFFEE.

--Whether I'd prefer to just make BETTER COFFEE or be an art historian some day. Hmpf.

--Teaching Pandora to play me Industrial music.

--Also, scenarios for post-apocalyptic existence or zombie outbreaks.

Going to bed early (~10:30-11:00pm) like a granny who opens a coffee shop in the morning. Saturday nights, now those are the ones to watch out for!

I like to pick my nose when no one's watching. Also, I once dreamed that I was Kevin Costner. And I was butt-naked. I can't make this up.

-You want to join my people collection.

-You're intellectual, inquisitive, and obsessed with knowledge without being pretentious.

-You like to watch crazy-awesome movies by crazy-awesome directors, have your mind blown, and then talk about it.

-You'd like to go urban exploring and know of a few decent spots in DC. I'd share info on some good sites in MD.

-You want to watch MMA with me and actually understand what's going on.

-You want to trade some good music.

-You can string two or three intelligent sentences together. Nothing personal, but if you can't, don't be offended that I don't respond to your IMs or messages. Please don't be rude/crude!

-Your message will have something beyond "hey how r u tonight?"

-You read and thoroughly comprehend The Important Bit:
In the spirit of direct honesty, I should state that I am inclined to a few alternative lifestyles. I am into kink, and while I don't require that in a person I'm dating (though it's a plus), I won't deal with anyone who won't accept it in me. Second, I also won’t bother with anyone who judges my body or will not accept it as a reflection of my fluctuating gender moods. I'm queer as a lark and feel sexy whether I’m wearing lipstick or letting my armpit hair go under flannel shirts. Most importantly, I prefer to be in non-monogamous relationships. What this means for me is that I aim to love people to the utmost of my ability, seek to surround myself with others focused on understanding and openness, and don’t run from deep attachments by mistaking them for “commitment.” This doesn't mean I will date or mess around with just anyone or compromise my existing relationships.

I am in an open relationship with JosherJitsu, who is my intellectual match, soulmate, and lover. We are currently long distance, but I'm not looking for Boyfriend Number Two. The best description for what I'm after right now would be long-term casual (i.e. buddies who like to hang out regularly, but also have other fun benefits). As for ladies: they make me feel like an awkward thirteen year old boy and would probably have to take the lead...

You probably SHOULDN’T message me if more than a couple apply:

-You couldn't share me/my time with others, or are 100% gender/hetero-normative.
-You would describe yourself as "just a normal guy/girl."
-You don't read books.
-You think that climate change and/or evolution are leftist conspiracies.
-You're a constant flake. I've got a life, too, so don't waste my time.
-Your user pic is of you lifting your shirt up to show off your abs in your bathroom mirror. Seriously. Cut that crap out.
-You're going to message me with a proposition for sex before you even bother to say "hi". If you're especially rude, I will reward you with fun new names for your face/mother. And the block button.
-You plan to send me stupid pick up lines about the cute babies we'd make together. This is way more disgusting than being propositioned by strangers, btw.
-You're That Guy who answered that No is sometimes "a yes in disguise" to "No means NO!" in the match questions.

You might still be an interesting person despite any/all of these behaviors, but I guarantee we won't get along.