AlterAlice
30 Washington, DC
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AlterAlice
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My self-summary
I'm a heaping portion of sass steeped in a bubbling sauce of snarky wit with profuse dashes of dada and sprinkl'd-all-o'er with essence of fantastically awesome.

Random Facts and Rabelaisian-style Lists are more fun than organized ones:

1. I feel demoralized watering down my personality to suit anyone's tastes. I'm frank, communicative and generally not afraid to tell anyone anything about myself if they seem like-minded. This sometimes offends people and I mostly don't care.

2. I'm unfailingly optimistic. No matter how vile things get, one has to figure they could always get worse. There have been times when the only thing that kept me going was insisting that, somehow, shit always works out. On the flip side, I can be into ridiculously dark music and films. The Greeks had it right: one shouldn't underestimate the value of catharsis.

3. Despite my exuberant disposition, I'm actually quite an introvert; if I don't have enough alone time away from people, I start to get cranky.

4. Alice Little, Mary Poppins, Willy Wonka, Guy Fawkes, The Tick, Tyler Durden, Beavis, Butt-head, Max Headroom, Ace Ventura, Charles Xavier, The Doctor, Honor Harrington, Banksy, Remi Gaillard, Bill Nye the Science Guy, Harry Mason, Ziggy Stardust, James Bond and Nathan Explosion are my heroes.

5. I hate cable/network TV. I think it's an egregious waste of time I could use to sing in the shower, organize my comics, or hatch my latest plan for Total World Domination. That, and commercials make my jaw drop open at how totally surreal and vaguely horrifying they are. If a show is really that great, I'll watch it on Netflix or steal my friends' copies on DVD.

6. I'm equal parts geek and intellectual without letting either of these sides making me unfit for regular human consumption. I <3 survival horror, point-and-click, strategy, and RPG games, old zombie movies, extreme Japanese cyberpunk, high quality/creative anime, stupid Japanese games shows, German-style boardgames, Battlestar Galactica, X-files, and anything having to do with cyborgs and cybernetics. I'm generally not into the fantasy genre (and if you think dragons or fairies are real, move along--this is not the profile you are looking for).

7. Adventures are fabulous! I dig urban exploration, walks to the park after closing to get chased off by the cops, picnics, scavenger hunts, road trips, visits to new libraries, thrift stores, traffic cones liberations, and crazy outfits tried on at department stores.

8. Life is serious business to me and people who don't have a zest for it are hopeless bores.

9. I'm pretty much always reading 5-6 books at once.

10. I don't fit well into any gender or style mold. I'm usually rocking menswear-inspired clothing/dapper looks. I am a huge sucker for vintage ties and double-breasted suits.
What I’m doing with my life
I was working on grad school for a good while there, but finally had to acquiesce mid-thesis to the reality that there are slim to zero jobs in art history/humanities in general. A car accident that put me out of commission both brain and body for some time cemented my decision to leave academia for any foreseeable future. I'm now a lot happier making delicious things as a professional barista and organizing regular coffee events in the area as part of DMV Coffee. I do a lot better for myself slinging coffee and educating people about what goes into it than I would as an unappreciated adjunct!

When not at work, I'm probably reading, scouring the internets for good music, or hanging out with my housemates of the human/feline varieties. Friday nights sometimes result in art parties; Saturdays = D&D until everyone is too drunk to play. Ya know...super exciting adult-like activities?
I’m really good at
Looking at art, researching, experimenting in the kitchen, making espresso drinks/latte art/coffee, imitating Robert Plant, correcting people's grammar at awkward moments, not mincing words, remembering what page I'm on in books, giving the annoyingly simple solution to a person's problem, being the butt of my friends' jokes (I'm pretty OK with this).
The first things people usually notice about me
Friends say I stand out in a crowd--something about the "way I carry myself". That makes me feel weird, so I'm inclined to say my eyes. They're very animated. Also, probably the fact that I'm (most likely) wearing a tie.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Authors: E.A. Poe, D.H. Lawrence, George Orwell, H.G. Wells, Aldous Huxley, T.S. Eliot, James Joyce, Albert Camus, Franz Kafka, Lewis Carroll, Tom Stoppard, Sam Shepard, Edward Albee, Federico García Lorca, Jorge Luis Borges, Pablo Neruda, Haruki Murakami, Hunter S. Thompson, Bret Easton Ellis, Chuck Palahniuk, Phillip K. Dick, Robert A. Heinlein, Arthur C. Clarke, Carl Sagan, Isaac Asimov, Neil Gaiman, Frank Miller, Alan Moore, Donna Haraway, and Jacque Fresco. (Yeah. I like to frickin' read...)

Music: I like a lot of different genres of music, but some favorites are metal, industrial, EBM, aggrotech, IDM/bastard pop, electro, house, glam, post-punk, horror punk, new wave, grunge, progressive, blues-rock, tango, baroque, classical. Lately, I've been listening to a lot of Dire Straits, Miles Kane, Oasis, The Strypes, The Small Faces, Rammstein, Murder City Devils, and Akira Yamaoka.

Movin' Pictures: Metropolis, Bladerunner, Ghost in the Shell, Akira, Tetsuo the Ironman, Dark City, The 5th Element, 12 Monkeys, Session 9, 28 Days Later, Jacob's Ladder, Dracula, The Seventh Seal, Shadow of the Vampire, Dawn of the Dead, The Crow, The Shining, 2001: A Space Odyssey, Apocalypse Now!, A Clockwork Orange, Network, American Psycho, Le Samouraï, Taxi Driver, High Fidelity, True Romance, Pulp Fiction, Dr. Strangelove, Rocky Horror Picture Show, Shortbus, Burn After Reading, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, Pi: Faith in Chaos, Fight Club, The Professional, Layer Cake, Snatch, 13 Assassins, and Tank Girl

Food: I'm a vegetarian. I can't digest meat and, while I have strong personal feelings about how we eat meat/produce food as a society, I don't criticize others. Generally, a day doesn't go by that I don't cook at least one meal at home. Spanish tapas, sushi, authentic Italian dishes, and traditional Indian and Thai cuisine tend to be my favorites. I am inordinately fond of gin cocktails and really dry ciders.
The six things I could never do without
This question thinks it's being cute. To qualify, without these things, I feel that my life suffers:

1. Laughing with my best friends
2. Delicious beverages/food
3. Intellectual stimulation
4. The library
5. My two lovely cats
6. Physical affection
I spend a lot of time thinking about
--If I'll ever go back and finish my master's thesis, "The Traumatized Dada Psyche: Reconstruction of Male Gender in Post WWI Germany" about George Grosz's DaDa montages and war trauma. Ex: should we consider the Weimar Republic to be a 'culture of trauma' collectively afflicted by the events of WWI? How did the effects of war trauma challenge Germany's concept of 'maleness'? How does the application of the 'hysteria' diagnosis shape current scholarship of George Grosz's work? How could Grosz's work contribute to contemporary dialogues on mental illness, war service, and social revolution?

--COFFEE. Making BETTER COFFEE. Drinking MOAR COFFEE. Getting MOAR people to drink BETTER COFFEE. Getting MOAR people to make BETTER COFFEE.

--Teaching Pandora to play me Industrial music.

--Why blazers for women don't have breast pockets for my pocket squares, damnit.

--Also, scenarios for post-apocalyptic existence or zombie outbreaks.
On a typical Friday night I am
Going to bed early (~10PM) like a granny who opens a coffee shop in the morning. Saturday nights, now those are the ones to watch out for!
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I like to pick my nose when no one's watching. Also, I once dreamed that I was Kevin Costner. And I was butt-naked. I can't make this up.
You should message me if
-You want to join my people collection.

-You're intellectual, inquisitive, and obsessed with knowledge without being pretentious.

-You like to watch crazy-awesome movies by crazy-awesome directors, have your mind blown, and then talk about it.

-You'd like to go urban exploring and know of a few decent spots in DC. I'd share info on some good sites in MD.

-You want to trade some good music.

-You can string two or three intelligent sentences together. Nothing personal, but if you can't, don't be offended that I don't respond to your IMs or messages. Please don't be rude/crude!

-Your message will have something beyond "hey how r u tonight?"

-You read and thoroughly comprehend The Important Bit:
In the spirit of direct honesty, I should state that I am inclined to a few alternative lifestyles. I am into kink, and while I don't require that in a person I'm dating (though it's a plus), I won't deal with anyone who won't accept it in me. Second, I also won’t bother with anyone who judges my body or will not accept it as a reflection of my fluctuating gender moods. I'm queer as a lark and feel sexy whether I’m wearing lipstick (admittedly rare), letting my armpit hair go under flannel shirts, or sporting a full suit and tie. Most importantly, I prefer to be in non-monogamous relationships. What this means for me is that I aim to love people to the utmost of my ability, seek to surround myself with others focused on understanding and openness, and don’t run from deep attachments by mistaking them for ZOMG-we-have-to-be-together-forever-dom. This doesn't mean I will date or mess around with just anyone.

The best description for what I'm after right now would be long-term casual (i.e. buddies who like to hang out regularly, but may also develop other fun benefits). As for ladies: they make me feel like an awkward thirteen year old boy and would probably have to take the lead...

You probably SHOULDN’T message me if these apply:

-You couldn't share me/my time with others, or are 100% gender/hetero-normative.
-You would describe yourself as "just a normal guy/girl."
-You don't read books.
-You think that climate change and/or evolution are leftist conspiracies.
-You're a constant flake. I've got a life, too, so don't waste my time.
-Your idea of an introductory message = "Hey ______, how's it going?" and you fill that blank with anything approximating the following: sexy, hottie, beautiful, doll, princess, gorgeous, bby grl. I should not have to explain this to grown people, so if this is your default, just don't bother.
-You are only "in town for the weekend/week/one night only".
-You want to mansplain me Dada (ya know...the thing I'm writing a master's thesis on). I will send you creepy sound poetry videos and pictures from Ernst Friedrich's War Against War!
-You're going to message me with a proposition for sex from the get-go. If you're especially rude, I will reward you with fun new names for your face/mother. And the block button.
-You plan to send me stupid pick up lines about the cute babies we'd make together. This is way more disgusting than being propositioned by strangers, btw.
-You're That Guy who answered that No is sometimes "a yes in disguise" to "No means NO!" in the match questions.
-You want to message me solely to explain to me that there *are* women out there for whom "no" means "yes". Because that's creepy, rapey shit and you probably shouldn't open with when talking to strangers. On *dating sites*. *phew!*

You might still be an interesting person despite any/all of these behaviors, but I guarantee we won't get along.
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