Field Guide :

Class : Mammalia
Order : Primates
Family : Hominidae
Genus : Homo
Species : H. sapiens
Subspecies : Iohannae T.

Length : 5 Feet 9 Inches
Weight : 165 Lbs.
Hair : Blond
Skin : Sour Cream
Eyes : Grey
IQ : [REDACTED]
Personality : INTP / INTJ
Age : 23

Behavior : Highly curious and intelligent. Attracted to piles of books and broken bits of electronic or mechanical assemblies. Shiny objects are commonly found woven into their nests. Ordinarily quiet and reserved, but can be provoked into withering sarcasm and grotesque insults.

Habitat : Commonly found inhabiting libraries, garage sales, server farms, machine rooms, workshops, bars, shooting ranges, research laboratories, drag strips, forests, streams, woodlands, plains, mountains, beneath rocks, and in comfortable feather beds.

Diet : Opportunistic omnivore. Consumes sugar, salt, starch, grease, alcohol, and whatever is in the back of the refrigerator covered in tinfoil. Traps should be baited with pickles, olives, scotch, and Oreos.

Reproduction : Attempts to mate with females exhibiting above average intelligence. Attracted to glasses, natural beauty, thoughtfulness, creativity, confidence, openness, truthfulness, nerds, geeks, and an ability to hold liquor. Repelled by religious zealotry, excessive cellulite, drama, insecurity, bitchiness, stupidity, psychosis, and saline implants. */

Notes : These creatures have a brusque exterior to protect their soft underbelly, but open up easily if you catch their fancy. Their sense of humor humor is eclectic and ribald. They tend towards engineering degrees and enjoy anything relating to mathematics, science, and technology.

They love good conversation, frank debate, and the exchange of ideas and always try to grok new concepts and bodies of knowledge. Typically own enough computers that HAL and Sky-Net are both trying to eliminate the sub-species as competition for world domination.

These generally solitary animals prefer having a few close friends to having a lot of acquaintances. Politics tend towards the center of the spectrum. Related ancestors hailed from Scotland, Ireland, Germany, England and Wales. This may explain their fiery temper and drinking habits.

/*START DISCLAIMER: For external use only. Dangerously cheesy. If rash or irritation develops discontinue use immediately and consult your doctor. Shock Hazard. Keep out of reach of children. Not FDA approved. The revolution will not be televised. No user serviceable parts inside. If you experience an erection lasting longer than four hours, Seek immediate medical attention. END DISCLAIMER BLOCK*/

After being thoroughly discouraged by my last job and my life in general, I've decided to follow my dreams of traveling the USA. Towards that end, I recently purchased a conversion van and I am currently refurbishing her before I hit the asphalt. After burning the wild oats out of my system, I hope to further my education with the goal of finding a more interesting and rewarding line of work.

Engineering, Cracking jokes, Debugging anything, Code-Fu, Construction, Blowing shit up, Kicking asses and taking names, Putting shit back together, Putting lead downrange, Learning, Teaching, Voiding warranties, Haggling for shit, Making soylent green, Artistic endeavors, Scrambling brains, Drinking beer, Making people laugh, Being a good friend, Arguing, Breeding killer rabbits, insulting and offending whoever I choose, Hiding my redeeming qualities, Annoying children, household pets, and the elderly, and Using obscenities as Replacements for Subjects, Verbs, and Nouns.

People usually don't much notice me.

Books : All Things Bright and Beautiful to The Zombie Survival Guide. I'll read anything that I can get my mitts on because I love learning new things and discovering new ideas. Currently ingesting: Heretics of Dune by Frank Herbert.

Movies/TV : Horrid B-Grade 80's flicks, Action, Adventure, Mystery, Science Fiction, some Indie films, whatever happens to be on the History, Science, or Discovery channels.

Music : I listen to almost everything. Currently rocking out to Rare Earth and Jethro Tull

Food : I'm not very picky and I will eat just about anything that can't outrun me. I prefer Italian, Mexican, or Asian food if I have to pick. When I want to drink; I like some beers, love most wines, and am a total slut for good whiskey or scotch.

Comics/Comedians : The Far Side, Calvin & Hobbes, Dilbert, Futurama, Ron White, Dave Chappelle, Opus/Bloom County/Outland, Monty Python, Fawlty Towers, George Carlin.

Music, Family, Friends, Intelligent Conversation, A Sense of Humor, and Those $3.00 bottles of wine at Wal-Mart. My Savana rates a very close seventh place.

Everything. I spend a lot of time just sitting and thinking about solutions to problems. Or perhaps the true meaning of life. I think about why I feel the need to think about anything. My brain never really shuts down and it's always grinding away at something.

Working on my latest project.
Making preparations to survive the zombie apocalypse.
Hanging out with friends.
Reading a good book.
Playing or listening to music.
Browsing endless articles on Wikipedia.
Taking a moonlit walk.
Sleeping.
Midnight pizza and beer runs.
Trying to take over the world.

I'm am not what I appear to be.

You haven't run away screaming after reading the preceding text.
You could void my warranty.
You want to be friends.
You want to date.
You want to rut like rabid weasels.
Get cracking grasshoppa'!