Alkaline Trio is stuck in my head and I'm gonna blog about random shit that doesn't really matter but makes me feel better :D such as my roommate being back. Or how I feel completely apathetic towards this entire coming week. Even friday. Especially Friday. 

I'm thinking about dyeing my hair black. Maybe? I dunno. Heide said she thought it would look nice. I feel as if I need something completely different and drastic. but Black is a bitch to dye over, and I'm doing rainbow in May.

Why am I even in college? I have absolutely NO desire to be here anymore. At all. What the fuck am I doing in business? 

I wonder if my ex realizes that fedora just makes him like like a total fucking idiot? I mean, I think that's the first truly uninhibited thought I've made about him in months. He's such a damn loser. 

I can see our room's floor.

I need a place to live for next year. I don't think I'm coming back to xavier. This place is just toxic. 

that's about it, I guess. Thank you interwebz for letting me be a temporarily whiny bitch :D

Should hurry up and end. I'd rather be in ohio.

9 days til tristan gets here. 11 till my birthday dinner.

I really want to go paintballing...so maybe someone will man up and go with me.
This entire "vacation" has sucked hair lobster balls.

I enjoy being spontaneous. 

And I enjoy Karaoke. I enjoy watching drunk people SING Karaoke. 

I do not enjoy waiting for my phone to ring, nor do I enjoy my ankle being swollen like a manatee.

Heading home for the week. Fun.

I love it.

It tends to make me not think somuch,.

Like about how big of an idiot I am.

Although, It generally makes me have ta pee. A lot.

Friday night at home. hung with jay...time to do something productive.Wish my phone would ring.

I  love how every time I have some large assignment due, I always set out with the mind frame of "I'll get a start on this early, that way I won't have to stress about it."

Yeah. Right. Greaaat example would be the Politics paper I turned in this morning.

It was assigned over a month ago.
I decided I would at least get my research done...
Waited until Saturday night [Only after my plans had been cancelled] to start.
Decided I'd work On the paper Sunday night. 
Hung out with friends instead.
Decided I'd work on it Monday. Told myself I wouldn't go out this week until it was done.
Put it off until Tuesday night.
Crashed at a friend's house instead.
Decided to take the  half letter grade deduction and just turn it in on Friday. 
Said I'd work on it all day Wednesday.
Slept instead.
Thursday rolls around, and I sweeeaaar I'm not leaving my room until it's done.
I fuck around on the internet until 11 at night.
Stay up until 2 am working on the paper.
Swore to myself never again, but I know I will.

My attention span is zero. Like, below zero. In the negatives. This paper was worth 20% of my grade...luckily I think my professor is an easy grader.

I am such a terrible student :[

It makes it more nerve-wracking when you don't get SOME form of contact for days at a time. Back 50 years ago, you'd be ecstatic if you got a letter within the week.

Now, though, if I haven't heard from you in three days I start assuming either

A.) You're dead
B.) You're ignoring me.
or 
C.) You're in some CIA holding cell and are trying to communicate how much you miss me via telepathically, and I'm just too retarded to get the messages.

Sometimes I wish there was no facebook, myspace, cell phones, AIM, etc. Because then I'd feel less like a total disappointment/freak when I go days without communicating with ANYONE. Granted, I don't care if you forget to call me every so often, but 3-5 days without contact, and I may report you as missing. Because with all that STUPID technology out there, I figure I'll hear SOmething from you.

It doesn't help when you have an amazing time with someone, and then like BOOM! they're off the grid. ::shrug:: Unless you're just fuck buddies. Then, well, don't expect them to call you, because they'll only call you when they want something. Such is the way of life. [Please note, that my idea of contacting someone doesn't just relate to romantic interests. If I don't hear from my twin or my best friend for days at a time, I get nervous.]

I also hate Latex. Apparently I came into contact with it in the past 3-4 days because I'm having an allergic reaction...which is funny, because I'm crazy careful about that.

Bleh. I also hate liking a person when you know good and damn well it's not a brilliant idea. Quite ridiculous actually. So if you're like me, just pretend you don't =] Be a coquette =] 

But yeah. My point is...if you're trying to send me telepathic messages because the CIA are about to electrocute your balls...sorry. I won't get them.

Wipe the sleep out of your eyes,
as your stereo taunts;
your first few minutes of reality
are nothing but songs that scream
"Look what you've lost!"
Your head pounds in time,
Screaming from the pills.
The ones you so ardently swallowed,
hoping to make this all go away.
"He never loved you!"
The music giggles darkly,
as you roll yourself over,
hiding inside your blanket cocoon.
But nothing shuts it out.
He's inside your mind, tugging
at edges that you forgot were there.
Conversations go on inside there
you wish they were real...
but reality only laughs and chortles.
"He never loved you..."
You say to yourself,
one more pill you swallow.
Before the drug induced stupor begins.
Inside this mania you are safe,
there are no past wounds
there are no futuristic truths.
All that haunts the darkness here
are three simple words.
"I'm not sorry."
Those three simple words,
you always uttered the opposite of.
But you're not sorry,
you never were.
Forever haunted by the spirit of yourself,
reminding you eternally.
You let yourself down,
not him.
It was yourself you sold,
and those pieces of your innocence?
They have been long gone...
"I'm not sorry."
A mere whisper in an echoing room.
"I'm not sorry."
And the darkness slips away,
leaving you with your new found realization...
You were never sorry he was gone,
you were only sorry that he left.