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27 M Seattle, WA

My Details

Last Online
Today – 7:04pm
5′ 9″ (1.75m)
Body Type
Mostly anything
Agnosticism, but not too serious about it
Virgo, but it doesn’t matter
Graduated from university
Art / Music / Writing
Relationship Status
Relationship Type
Mostly monogamous
Doesn’t have kids, and doesn’t want any
Likes cats
English (Fluently), Italian (Poorly)

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My self-summary
Ok, apparently this needs updating because I got drunk and changed the whole thing into a weird tribute to my love of AC/DC, Bill & Ted movies, and Thor comics, and it turns out that's not quite as attractive as drunk-me hoped.

In the interest of amusing myself, this profile will be brought to you by the gimmick of "Bad News/Good News".

Bad news: Picky. There could probably be a case made for shallow or judgmental, too, but the bottom line is that I just don't see any point in dating someone who I don't find mentally, personally, and physically attractive. Those three adverbs are in rough order of importance, though being great at one might buy some leeway on another... but really, it'd be better for everyone involved if you're fantastic across the board.

Good news: That all means if I'm acting like I'm interested, you're probably pretty great. And, since I expect anybody I'm dating to be unreasonably awesome, I work pretty hard to try and make myself unreasonably awesome, too. Whether or not I succeed is probably in the eye of the beholder, so lemme know after you, uh, behold.
What I’m doing with my life
Bad News: I'm a writer. For those of you who haven't dated one yet, that basically translates to periodically neurotic, occasionally intense, and intermittently self-destructive.

Good News: I'm good enough at it that I actually make a living; I'm not one of those awful coffee-shop writers who always talks about writing but has nothing to show for it. If I felt like bragging, I might mention that I've had books chart on multiple Amazon bestseller lists.*

*Apparently I felt like bragging.
I’m really good at
Bad News: I cannot fix your sink, car, or bench press a Buick*.

Good News: I've got a handle on my emotions/insecurities, I don't especially care what you do when I'm not around, and I'm probably in the vague ballpark of chivalrous. I also like to think I'm in the vague ballpark of feminist, unless of course you're one of those woman who thinks the chivalry and feminism are mutually exclusive, in which case, you know, go away.

*I can, at least, bench press the driver of a Buick (assuming they're vaguely average sized) and do other manly stuff like grow facial hair, drink whiskey, and operate a penis with at least some expertise.
The first things people usually notice about me
Bad news: I don't pull punches. I'm sarcastic, occasionally critical, my sense of humor tends toward the vicious, and I really don't see much point in filtering it with anybody that I'm dating; they're gonna figure it out sooner or later either way, tricking them into thinking otherwise strikes me as a sucker bet.

Good news: By the same token, while I'm a pretty good liar, I just don't have the interest or energy for it anymore. If you're worth lying to in the first place, you're probably too smart for me to get away with it anyways.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Bad News: I love film noir, comic books, hardboiled detective stories, Bogart flicks, weird 90s grunge, Joss Stone, Lawrence Durell (Alexandria Quartet are probably my four favorite books), Don't Trust the B in Apt 23, The Afghan Whigs, Hannibal, AC/DC (particularly "Thunderstruck" and "If You Want Blood"), Archer, and Indian food all more than I probably should.

Good News: Those things are all awesome.
The six things I could never do without
Bad News: You're not one of them.

Good News: You're not one of them.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Bad News: How many of the X-Men's names I can turn into funny animal mashups: Pyslocktopus, Icemanatee, Juggernarwhal, Magnetorangutan, Jubileemur, Wolverine, etc.

Good News: Writing, self-improvement, ways to make you laugh.
On a typical Friday night I am
Bad News: Half the time I don't even know it's Friday.

Good News: But if I'm not writing, I'm usually up to something pretty cool regardless.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
Bad News: Way deep down, under all the cynicism, disappointment, self-reliance, and snark, I still ultimately want that same stupid improbably romantic love they sell you in the movies.

Good News: Way deep down, you do too.
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 22–29
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For long-term dating, short-term dating
You should message me if
Bad news: I'm comfortable single and a generally undermotivated when it comes to dating.

Good news: That means if I reply/message, you have at least in some small way pierced my cynicism and compelled me to get off my lazy ass and put some effort in. Good for you, you must be pretty badass. Let's hang out.