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27 M Seattle, WA

My Details

Last Online
Online now!
5′ 9″ (1.75m)
Body Type
Mostly anything
Agnosticism, but not too serious about it
Virgo, but it doesn’t matter
Graduated from university
Art / Music / Writing
Relationship Status
Relationship Type
Mostly monogamous
Doesn’t have kids, and doesn’t want any
Likes cats
English (Fluently), Italian (Poorly)

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My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
In the interest of amusing myself, this profile will be brought to you by the gimmick of "Bad News/Good News".

Bad news: Kinda picky. There could maybe even be a case made for shallow or judgmental, too, but the bottom line is that I just don't see any point in dating someone who I don't find mentally, personally, and physically attractive. I don't really expect anyone else to, either; dating someone you don't think is incredible usually ends badly for both parties.

Good news: That all means if I'm acting like I'm interested, you're probably pretty great. And, since I expect anybody I'm dating to be unreasonably awesome, I work pretty hard to try and make myself unreasonably awesome (or at the very least, reasonably awesome). Whether or not I succeed is entirely in the eye of the beholder, obviously, so lemme know after you, uh, behold.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Bad News: I'm a writer. For those of you who haven't dated one yet, that basically translates to periodically neurotic, occasionally intense, and intermittently self-destructive.

Good News: I'm good enough at it that I actually make a living; I'm not one of those awful coffee-shop writers who always talks about writing but has nothing to show for it. If I felt like bragging, I might mention that I've had books chart on multiple Amazon bestseller lists.*

*Apparently I felt like bragging.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Bad News: I cannot fix your sink, car, or bench press a Buick*.

Good News: I've got a handle on my emotions/insecurities, I don't especially care what you do when I'm not around, and I'm probably in the vague ballpark of chivalrous. I also like to think I'm in the vague ballpark of feminist, unless of course you're one of those woman who thinks the chivalry and feminism are mutually exclusive, in which case, you know, go away.

*I can, at least, bench press the driver of a Buick (assuming they're vaguely average sized) and do other traditionally manly** stuff like grow facial hair, drink whiskey, and operate a penis with at least some expertise.

**Obviously girls can bench press things too, and all my favorites ones also drink whiskey. Some of them can even grow facial hair, though I personally wouldn't recommend it. But the gag worked better with outdated gender stereotypes. Forgive me?
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Bad news: I don't pull punches. I'm sarcastic, occasionally critical, my sense of humor tends toward the vicious, and I really don't see much point in filtering it with anybody that I'm dating; they're gonna figure it out sooner or later either way, tricking them into thinking otherwise strikes me as a sucker bet.

Good news: By the same token, while I'm a pretty good liar, I just don't have the interest or energy for it anymore. If you're worth lying to in the first place, you're probably too smart for me to get away with it anyways. You can expect 100% honesty from me, often to my own detriment.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Bad News: I love film noir, comic books, hardboiled detective stories, Bogart flicks, weird 90s grunge, Joss Stone, Lawrence Durell (Alexandria Quartet are probably my four favorite books), Don't Trust the B in Apt 23, The Afghan Whigs, Hannibal, AC/DC (particularly "Thunderstruck" and "If You Want Blood"), Archer, and Indian food all more than I probably should.

Good News: Those things are all awesome.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Bad News: You're not one of them.

Good News: You're not one of them.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Bad News: How many of the X-Men's names I can turn into funny animal mashups: Pyslocktopus, Icemanatee, Juggernarwhal, Magnetorangutan, Jubileemur, Wolverine, etc.

Good News: Writing, self-improvement, ways to make you laugh.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Bad News: Half the time I don't even know it's Friday.

Good News: But if I'm not writing, I'm usually up to something pretty cool regardless.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Bad News: Way deep down, under all the cynicism, disappointment, self-reliance, and snark, I still ultimately want that same stupid improbably romantic love they sell you in the movies.

Good News: Way deep down, you do too.
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 22–29
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For long-term dating, short-term dating
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
Bad news: I'm comfortable single and a generally undermotivated when it comes to dating.

Good news: That means if I reply/message, you have at least in some small way pierced my cynicism and compelled me to get off my lazy ass and put some effort in. Good for you, you must be pretty badass. Let's hang out.