Quick note: I actually live in Arizona, but I am from D.C. and visit often.

I hate it when people use the word "humorous" to describe themselves. And generally if people who are not British/Canadian/Australian/whatever use the -ou spelling for words on their profile, that is a deal breaker (another deal breaker is taking pictures of yourself, especially in the bathroom and especially shirtless, although if otherwise you're a cool dude I can deal. I just hate vanity). I'm a big believer in being genuine, and those two attributes somehow scream "insincere" to me. I know talking about things I hate is a terrible way to get a dating profile started, but I do love to complain about shit (but in a fun way!), so I feel in a way this represents me fairly well anyway.

In the interest of full disclosure, or at least as full a disclosure as I am willing to post on the internet for an audience of mostly creepy older men and guys that aren't really interested in any type of compatibility other than genital, (if this is you, by the way, please recognize yourself and leave now), here is a list of good qualities and bad qualities that I will continue to add to along the way:

Good Qualities
-smart
-outspoken
-good sense of humor

Bad Qualities
-kind of lazy
-pretty critical of people
-I probably curse more than is "ladylike", especially after a marathon of The Wire (my b, you guys)

By the way, when I refer to creepy older men, I'm talking guys in their 40s and 50s (and beyond). Not that an incidental age difference is wrong, but shopping for one is. Seriously you guys.

School...no, wait...nothing...no...hold on...the Air Force! Shit, no, that's not right....back to school. As for long term goals....I think talking about them jinxes them. At least it does for me.

Nothing truly significant that immediately jumps to mind or defines me, like juggling or law-clerking. I guess that is what I am still trying to figure out? Actually, now that I think of it I am quite good at reading people.

I feel like I hunch a little when I walk but no one's ever commented on that so maybe that's just me...who knows? I don't have anything about me that immediately stands out, so no one has ever commented, and I've never asked, because that would be weird and also I would feel a little narcissistic.

Books - Really anything by Pat Conroy, Frank McCourt, Bill Bryson or Curtis Sittenfeld. Individual books: Camp Camp, A Walk in the Woods, Down Under, Running With Scissors, The Lords of Discipline, The Prince of Tides, The Great Santini, Beach Music, A Million Little Pieces, My Friend Leonard, Angela's Ashes, Tis, Teacher Man, Hairstyles of the Damned, 1984, Stiff, Look Me in the Eye, Jesus Land, The Lovely Bones, Indivisible by Two, Prep

Movies - Don't really watch a lot of movies. Nothing that immediately springs to mind, although that is not to say I've never seen a movie I would watch again.

Music - oh shit. Time for last.fm.

Food - Chicken fried rice (but not when it has the onion rings that look like tentacles), macaroni and cheese, pizza, salad. I eat like a 7 year old. I try new foods as little as I can possibly get away with, and so far my old favorites have generally stood me in good stead.

Not asked for, but provided anyway is Television - Dead Like Me, Weeds, Chuck, Life on Mars, The Closer, Breaking Bad, Dexter, and then the ones that everyone likes (House, The Office, Bones, Family Guy, etc. BUT NOT HEROES. OR LOST.)

1. My mom (sorry if that's lame)
2. My dogs
3. My ferrets
4. My awesome and highly political car
5. My laptop
6. I got nothing for six

I hate this section on OKC because there are three major types of people who fill these out. The first answer the question literally (air, water, shelter). Sometimes it is because these people are boring or autistic and sometimes it is because they are trying to show how witty they can be. The second type of people answer as honestly as they can for this type of hyperbolic question. I fall into this category, and our lists are generally truthful but boring. The third type answers in a way they feel will best represent who they are, by putting things like "a passport" or "my banjo" as number one. They understand that, as with the rest of these questions, the answer is meant to reveal something about the author, and they respond to the spirit (if not the letter) of the question in this regard. I don't like these answers either though because the objects they choose to define themselves makes their answer seem forced. ("Oh wow, you could never live without your paint sets? What an artistic and quirky soul!")

In summary, this question sucks, and I already regret answering it.

The future. I love to plan. Also I worry a lot about animals, most specifically dogs (especially dogs like mine) and ferrets (naturally). It kills me that there are little creatures like the ones I love out there with no one to love them, or worse. And that there's not a whole lot I can do about it. Interestingly enough, my concern doesn't extend to people so much.

Making outrageous claims on the internets.

BITCHES DON'T LOVE SMILEY FACES

You have never thought to yourself, "Why that Sarah Palin makes some valid points". You should probably never message ANYONE if you have ever thought this.