I am on MySpace & ModelMayhem & LiveJournal & deviantART & FetLife

Please don't IM me on here. I hate the system. Just take some time and send an actual email.

Disclaimer: I am a Satanist. I am polyamorous. I am pansexual. I value intelligence over compassion. I am a pedophile, but not a child molester. I cross-dress. I am a creepy doll collector. I aspire to open up a brothel some day. Any objections?

I was born in Russia, and I have lived in Israel. I have been to Mexico and Canada, as well as Ukraine and India. I have lived in gated communities and in ghettos. I'm extroverted, curious, and terrified of missing out. I want to meet everyone, travel everywhere, experience everything. Teach me something new. Please?

Sometimes I talk to invisible people, and sometimes they talk back. Sometimes I hear them, and sometimes I see them. It's complicated.

I am inordinately proud of my Rubenesque [read: fat] and callipygian figure, which I maintain with a steady diet of cupcakes.

I try to eat a truffle a day, but it doesn't always work out. I listen to my Russian tapes on road trips. I used to watch Midnight Movies every weekend, but they closed the theatre I went to. I am a creature of ritual, but not habit.

I don't sleep. That bit is also complicated. Suffice to say I catnap a hell of a lot.

I've been told [by both people and tests] that I am an ENTP, and from what I've read it seems about right. I am not too savvy on these Myers-Briggs thingies, but I know some of you are, so that's for you.

My best friend and arch-nemesis is syzygette. She's the one that gave me my handle. I live with her in a haunted hotel in Koreatown. Our pad is pretty pimp, with no carpets [bohemian] and a spooky closet [spoooky!] and a mail chute [for dropping males into when we're done with them] and a pub downstairs [to enable our alcohol abuse] and a video game arcade two doors down [because we all need a healthy dose of DDR in our lives]. Come visit us, we will drink you under the table and DDR over your lifeless body.

Editors

• rainbowswearing

I am a certified Sushi Chef, and have now, after two years of looking, landed a job at a restaurant. I only just started, and as a prep cook, but I am very excited about it and am looking forward to learning new things, improving my techniques, and advancing my position.

I work as Switch Anastasia at Passive Arts, a Dungeon near LAX. This is not prostitution -- I just want to make things clear. This way I save myself the drama of you gettin' all pouty when you learn that strangers pay money to tie me up, and hopefully save myself the emails requesting blowjobs.

I am constantly doing freelance gigs as a PA, typist, art model, masseuse, and Russian tutor.

I recently got a short story published in a book that's just come out, and I'll see if I can use that to get more published. I like to write, and I would do it more if I thought it'd go anywhere. I think I could write a sweet series of autobiographical vignettes, in a David Sedaris kind of way.

I am currently taking time off of school until I get my living situation stabilized. Otherwise, I'd be attending PCC full time, and getting ready to transfer to UC Santa Cruz as an astrophysics & linguistics double-major.

I used to preform on a RHPS cast, but had to quit. I might go back when I can.

I would like to live in Japan, Germany, Israel, and many other countries, though maybe not in that order.

Spilling drinks, knocking things over, and generally wreaking havoc. My ex says I get Dom'ed by gravity.

Cooking. I make sushi, of course, but I can also whip up a kickass pie. I'm currently experimenting with vegan and vegetarian cooking options, encouraged by my new herbivore submissive. I am a golden goddess of garlic mashed potatoes with almond milk.

Wrestling. I got sixth place in Girl's State in High School.

Quoting my favorite movies and shows.

Shibari. I knew I was kinky long before I got into the scene, but none of my lovers were really into it, so I had to learn how to tie myself up. They were useless at things as simple as binding wrists.

Tetris. It's me Russian blood.

Singing loudly and off-key. I do a b*tchin' rendition of Gaston.

I really like doing accents, but the only ones I'm good at are Russian and Jewish Mother. I am also fluent in Swedish Chef. Bork bork bork!

I walk and take public transit a lot, and if I'm walking around at night, you'll see that I'm wearing a headlamp and reading. Yes, I look ridiculous. Wanna fight about it?

I'm usually in some state of indecency. Unless law or social propriety absolutely demands it, I'm going to probably naked. In my home, I am undressed almost all the damn time.

I have baby-bearing hips. Seriously, I could cause a hipocalypse if I wanted to.

I decided that this section was too limited, and have taken it upon myself to expand it with more categories. UPDATE: I decided that this section was too expanded, and have taken it upon myself to limit my answers to five per category.

Authors Tom Robbins, Oscar Wilde, Chuck Palahniuk, Terry Pratchett, and Richard Feynman.

Fiction The Princess Bride, The Three Musketeers, World War Z, Stranger in a Strange Land, and The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

Non Fiction Dr. Rose's Sex Advice for all Creation, Our Inner Ape, The End of Faith, A Brief History of Time, and The Satanic Bible.

Manga Trigun, Hellsing, Sailor Moon, Yu Yu Hakusho, and Battle Royale.

Comics Scott Pilgrim, Sandman, Watchmen, Hellboy, and The Goon.

Web Comics Girl Genius, xkcd, Questionable Content, Least I Could Do, and Oglaf.

Web Sites Why Women Hate Men, I Can Has Cheezburger, This is Why You're Fat, Cracked, and Stuff White People Like.

Video Games Soul Calilbur, Dead Rising, Conker's Bad Fur Day, Portal, and Heroes of Might and Magic II.

Live Action Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels, I am a Sex Addict, Fanfan La Tulip, Better Off Dead, and The Great Race.

Animation Paprika, Pom Poko, Aladdin, Interstella 5555, and The Animation Show.

Television Star Trek, Doctor Who, The IT Crowd, Firefly, and Mystery Science Theatre 3000.

CartoonsBoondocks, Venture Bros, Gargoyles, Animaniacs, and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

Anime Cowboy Bebop, Bible Black, Damekko Doubutsu, Jungle wa Itsumo Hale nochi Guu, and Lupin III.

Musicians Mother Mother, Beatles, Royal Crown Revue, Gogol Bordello, and Flogging Molly.

Songs American Pie, 88 Lines About 44 Women, Don't Stand so Close to Me, Bongo Bong, and Mari Mac.

Songs for Karaoke Fat Bottomed Girls, Sit on my Face, Gaston, I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles), and The USS Make Sh*t Up.

PodcastsWait, Wait... Don't Tell Me!, Savage Love, Radio Lab, Car Talk, and This American Life.

Food Kiwi, avocado, mango, mochi, and cupcakes.

Drink Naked Juice, O-cha, boba, chocolate malts, and Merlot.

NPR keeps me entertained.

Garlic is the source of my power.

Hentai is responsible for my tentacle fetish.

Laptop keeps me company at all hours.

Bookstores because I have to spend all the money I don't have somewhere.

Sonic Screwdriver for general jiggery-pokery.

Opening my own restaurant. The next book I'll read. Different ways to cut up my shirts and paint my jeans. What kind of faces and noises people make during sex. Where I fall on the D/s spectrum. If the word "heterological" is autological or heterological. Things that seem profound at the time but are actually quite obvious.

the spark that makes your idea bright, the same spark, that lights the dark, so that you can know your left from your right.

On a typical Saturday night, I am at a work party, being tied up and/or flogging someone. Sometimes I am at a furry party; I'm a faux-fur. [This means I am not a furry, but I like furries. Like, "straight but not narrow?" Kind of like that.] On Saturdays in the mornings, I do parkour.

On a typical Sunday night, I am rollin'... my D20. We just got done playing D&D 4E [I'm a monster now! Rawr!] and have now moved on to Deadlands. So that's be fun.

Occasionally I do things like shoot this video with my friends. That's always a good time.

I faint really easily, especially if needles are involved.

I pick my nose. Don't judge me.

I used to read the sh*t out of Animorphs.

I have a thing for R. Crumb; I think he and I would hit it off, though I am iffy on the racist caricatures bit.

I have a tall, skinny, awkward boy fetish. Bonus points for glasses and social anxiety. I'm currently mooning over my [engaged] DM, sighing longingly as he leans over me to check my stat sheet. My kryptonite, I tell you.

I am honestly afraid of the zombie apocalypse. It's okay, you can laugh. I'm used to it. But in my defense, I do have good reason.

Regarding the D/s spectrum: I have come to the conclusion that I am a bottom. I use this term because submissive implies that I am a lifestyle submissive, which I do not believe I am. I have little to no interest in the lifestyle, though if anything, I'd be a switch there. However, I like to play, and not just in the bedroom, and I prefer to bottom, or be submissive, when I do. So, there you have it.

You want to meet up. Ooooh, meeting people from teh internet is dangerous!

You're an outstanding individual.

You speak Russian. I need someone besides my folks to practice it with.

You're not a Smarmosaurus Rex. Though, if you were, I suppose you'd not be reading this.

You're dogmatic about something. We don't have to agree on it, but if you've got a passion, be passionate about it. Don't "agree to disagree" -- that's for wimps.

You're a Loverboy. I seem to get on well with those. All other personality types also welcome.

You'd like to teach me something. Currently looking for people to teach me poi and juggling.

If you live in the Bay Area. My father lives in Sunnyvale, and I visit him every few months. I could always use company up there.

If I've messaged you. I am pretty sure there's an upper limit on how many times you can stalk me without replying to my email before it becomes rude. Like, I think about a dozen times ought to do it. You've already decided you're not writing me back; now stop staring!

Please know, I'm not here to be interrogated. I know you're curious, but when you shoot me questions out of the blue that are either super-personal or would take a long time to answer, it's presumptuous as hell. Tell me about yourself, ask me on a date, and I can answer all your questions over dinner.

So, what to write to me about, since I don't want you to tell me about me? Tell me about you! Tell me what you did today, yesterday, this week, this weekend. Tell me a crazy story about an adventure you had, or just pontificate about your love for a good PB&J sandwich. Personally, I don't like peanut butter, but that's hardly the point. Go on, go!